Death and Faith
I have found myself thinking about death lately. Not in the "I want to kill myself way", but rather just what is death and what will happen. and this has been an ongoing theme since i was about 17. I feel as if people just wander through life never thinking about the end until it's there b/c we live in such a comfortable part of the world. What really scares me is not dying, but what happens after i die? do i actually go to heaven/hell, am i reincarnated, or do i just decay and become part of the earth?
It is because of the qeustion above that i have a hard time having faith. Even in the midst of a panic attack over the thought of the "after-life", I still can not believe in a heaven or hell. I wish i could, i really do. As much as the thought would comfort me, it just never happens. And this is also why i left religion in the first place. Or maybe it left me. who knows. I just never actually said the one defining reason im not religious. even though nobody will see this, it will help me sleep tonight.
The worst part of this, is knowing that the ones who i loved and are deceased will never see me in the afterlife. Because if im wrong and heaven does exist, i doubt i'll be there after this.
It is because of the qeustion above that i have a hard time having faith. Even in the midst of a panic attack over the thought of the "after-life", I still can not believe in a heaven or hell. I wish i could, i really do. As much as the thought would comfort me, it just never happens. And this is also why i left religion in the first place. Or maybe it left me. who knows. I just never actually said the one defining reason im not religious. even though nobody will see this, it will help me sleep tonight.
The worst part of this, is knowing that the ones who i loved and are deceased will never see me in the afterlife. Because if im wrong and heaven does exist, i doubt i'll be there after this.