The love that I desire doen't seem to exist.
So here I am, back on the road of life. Tony and I are no longer together... I sit here crying because I believe that I'm truly in love, but I can't have it. I can't ever have something that I want, something that I need. The feeling that I have been dealt a bad hand comes to mind more and more these days. Keenan, it could be worse. You could be hideous and charmless. This bonafide rarity is only recognized by one person- herself.
Fuck you all. Why why why?
This whole Tony thing is disgusting but I love him. About 3 weeks ago he finally told me that he was going to sit down and talk to Joy. He cancelled our evening plans to "talk with Joy." I was fine with is decision and welcomed it with arms wide open. The following day he didn't call...he didn't call the day after that either. When I tried calling him he didn't pick up his phone so I just decided to write him an email discussing my feelings and thoughts on the matter at hand.
I'm in love with you, you silly thing
Anyone can see
What is it with you, you silly thing
Just take it from me
It was not a chance meeting
Feel my heart beating
You're the one
You could take all this, take it away
I'd still have it all
'Cause I've climbed the tree of life
And that is why, no longer scared if I fall
When I get lost in space
I can return to this place
'Cause, you're the one
-Madonna-
So this is my last entry about Mr. Tony. Who am I kidding? If I think about him all the time, how could I not write about him?
I haven't been doing much of anything lately. My depression has become apparent, once again. I sit on my bum all day long and watch TV. I can't motivate myself to do a damn thing. This forlorn little darling cries and pleas for a helping hand. My mother hears me but doesn’t realize how deep it has gotten. Not many people understand how I feel and deal with emotion. It is on another level...and is as deep as the furthest depths of the oceans.
I hate my job. I hate having a server schedule and not a professional. Today I had an interview for a receptionist position at a law firm. The interview went well but only time will tell whether or not I got the job. I'm dying for something new. I'm dying for you.
How am I ever going to make it in this world? How? I find it very hard to deal with at times and would rather just jump off a edificio. The only thing that holds me back is my mother. She is the only one that can provide the type of love that feeds my soul. How am I ever going to make it? How?
Until next time my love- Keenan
Fuck you all. Why why why?
This whole Tony thing is disgusting but I love him. About 3 weeks ago he finally told me that he was going to sit down and talk to Joy. He cancelled our evening plans to "talk with Joy." I was fine with is decision and welcomed it with arms wide open. The following day he didn't call...he didn't call the day after that either. When I tried calling him he didn't pick up his phone so I just decided to write him an email discussing my feelings and thoughts on the matter at hand.
I'm in love with you, you silly thing
Anyone can see
What is it with you, you silly thing
Just take it from me
It was not a chance meeting
Feel my heart beating
You're the one
You could take all this, take it away
I'd still have it all
'Cause I've climbed the tree of life
And that is why, no longer scared if I fall
When I get lost in space
I can return to this place
'Cause, you're the one
-Madonna-
So this is my last entry about Mr. Tony. Who am I kidding? If I think about him all the time, how could I not write about him?
I haven't been doing much of anything lately. My depression has become apparent, once again. I sit on my bum all day long and watch TV. I can't motivate myself to do a damn thing. This forlorn little darling cries and pleas for a helping hand. My mother hears me but doesn’t realize how deep it has gotten. Not many people understand how I feel and deal with emotion. It is on another level...and is as deep as the furthest depths of the oceans.
I hate my job. I hate having a server schedule and not a professional. Today I had an interview for a receptionist position at a law firm. The interview went well but only time will tell whether or not I got the job. I'm dying for something new. I'm dying for you.
How am I ever going to make it in this world? How? I find it very hard to deal with at times and would rather just jump off a edificio. The only thing that holds me back is my mother. She is the only one that can provide the type of love that feeds my soul. How am I ever going to make it? How?
Until next time my love- Keenan