the past bites
Sometimes things from the past come bite you in the ass after you thought you were over them, and they bite you over and over again. Is it that “first love” thing? Even though you would rather your “first love” turn out gay? (Wouldn’t that be the funniest thing EVER???)
Do you really ever get over the betrayal of friends? Does that feeling of rejection ever really go away? Even though you know you’re better off without them, and you know they were horrible friends…and are probly saying horrible things about you even now, even when you don’t…I probly should have gone to that reunion, assholes be damned. But then again, I was being too nice, wanting to stay out of it and not create drama. It would have been nice to see some of the others though, and make sure they weren’t saying lies about me and being mean.
No one should feel rejected like that, especially when you hid the truth because you knew if you said everything, that the other would be alone, so you kept quiet, and let them put all the blame on you, so the other would have friends and not be alone. You didn’t want the other to sound like such a bad person, because you were so nice, and knew how much they would be hurt. You didn’t really expect them to react as they did, stabbing you in the back.
Still, deep inside I lie to myself, and tell myself that we could all still be friends, that everyone could act grown up for a little while, and be civilized. I remember all the times I tried that, and how they hurt Josh, and how they always hurt me, and I know that it would never work. I don’t know what that makes me, if I just want everyone to be nice. I don’t ever think I could be friends with any of them anymore because of this, but it would be nice to not care if I saw them, or be able to say “hi” and “how are you.”
I just hope no one can say that I’ve been that cruel to someone before.
I’m just kind of rambling, I’ve been thinking things all day, but I’m fine, I promise! I’ll talk to some of you later.
Do you really ever get over the betrayal of friends? Does that feeling of rejection ever really go away? Even though you know you’re better off without them, and you know they were horrible friends…and are probly saying horrible things about you even now, even when you don’t…I probly should have gone to that reunion, assholes be damned. But then again, I was being too nice, wanting to stay out of it and not create drama. It would have been nice to see some of the others though, and make sure they weren’t saying lies about me and being mean.
No one should feel rejected like that, especially when you hid the truth because you knew if you said everything, that the other would be alone, so you kept quiet, and let them put all the blame on you, so the other would have friends and not be alone. You didn’t want the other to sound like such a bad person, because you were so nice, and knew how much they would be hurt. You didn’t really expect them to react as they did, stabbing you in the back.
Still, deep inside I lie to myself, and tell myself that we could all still be friends, that everyone could act grown up for a little while, and be civilized. I remember all the times I tried that, and how they hurt Josh, and how they always hurt me, and I know that it would never work. I don’t know what that makes me, if I just want everyone to be nice. I don’t ever think I could be friends with any of them anymore because of this, but it would be nice to not care if I saw them, or be able to say “hi” and “how are you.”
I just hope no one can say that I’ve been that cruel to someone before.
I’m just kind of rambling, I’ve been thinking things all day, but I’m fine, I promise! I’ll talk to some of you later.