(no subject)

[kickallturkeys]

i am here after school because i have so much extra work that i have to do if i want to pass drafting. which is what i should be doing right now but i cant focus. ryan is on my mind 24/7. we are kinda talking but not really. i tell everybody that we are okay ya know. we are friends again, becasue i dont want my friends to make a big deal about it, but things arent okay. right now i am feeling really shitty. i shouldnt though, i have great friends now that i have ditched the shitty ones. my family is being great to me. i am in love with my church group. so why do i feel so shitty. i dont want anybody's sympathy i just want. . . well i dont know what i really want. something good, or somebody good. preferably somebody. i never thought that kacy going out with nick would bother me so bad, but whenever i see them holding each other i just cant help but hate her. what i hate the most though was the fact that she never even knew that i liked him but for some reason when i see them together i cant help but think, how could she?! it isnt her fault. why do i feel this way? i am going to see nick tonight hopefully at the parade. yesterday i passed out at softball practice. i am okay now but it was the worst thing you will ever feel other than a true heartbreak. well i have to go now becasue i really have alot to do. toodles.
kelsey ryann lunden