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I did not expect to cry while watching WayV's Dream Plan... but I did. I also shed some tears when I watched NCT Life episodes. I cried when I watched EXO's Showtime. And I always cry everytime I watch old TVXQ videos.
Why? Because talking about being teammates, being brothers, being friends, and not being alone makes me cry.
I don't know why but I always feel like crying everytime being alone and having friends is talked about.
It's not like I don't have friends - I just don't have a lot. And there have been times when I felt alone even when I was with them.
It was my fault, though.
I am a weird person. I have thoughts about how things should be - like how being friends should be. And when I see the reality where it seems like I am the only one who thinks like that, I then feel alone.
I do not blame my friends, though. I just wish I could share to them these thoughts that I have been keeping to myself for years.
Maybe this is why I cry. Because on the screen, I see friends being there for each other. I see the kind of friendship I want to have, but I feel that I don't.
I actually feel bad about this because I know my friends care. I know they love me. And I know that it's all just me.