Maybe.
There's a lot to think about right now.
I leave on Saturday. It's hard to believe that almost ten months of praying and waiting are finally coming to an end. I thought it would never happen, and part of me still feels like it's all just a dream. I'm having a hard time coping with the idea of leaving Ohio. It's not that I don't want to do it. Believe me, I've overstayed my welcome in this city and state. A change was long overdue, but what is really getting to me is the fact that I can't see the changes right now. All I see and hear are sad people saying, "I wish you wouldn't leave."
"There's always a place for you to come back to, you know, should you ever need to."
Letting go is hard. I've made some really great friendships just within the last few months, and it's very painful to have to uproot myself just as I find myself comfortable in a community. With great sacrifices come great rewards, so I've been told.
I know they are out there, some one thousand miles away. They include a new job, a better job, a roommate for the first time in far too long, and a man who, by the grace of God alone, loves me more than I could possibly deserve. I just don't get to see those things right now, and without having them close by to touch and see, it's easy to forget that they exist. It doesn't take much for me to fall victim to the thoughts of, "What am I doing?"
"How did I get myself into this mess?"
When the day comes, not too long from now, that Ben and I are reunited, and I set foot on Florida ground for the first time in three months, and remember that God called me to be there, then it will truly feel like the end, the completion of a long struggle to find out and then come to terms with the path God has chosen for me.
Maybe then it won't feel like my heart is being torn apart. Maybe then it will feel like home. Maybe then I will finally feel like I'm fulfilling the purpose God has for my life.
Maybe.
I leave on Saturday. It's hard to believe that almost ten months of praying and waiting are finally coming to an end. I thought it would never happen, and part of me still feels like it's all just a dream. I'm having a hard time coping with the idea of leaving Ohio. It's not that I don't want to do it. Believe me, I've overstayed my welcome in this city and state. A change was long overdue, but what is really getting to me is the fact that I can't see the changes right now. All I see and hear are sad people saying, "I wish you wouldn't leave."
"There's always a place for you to come back to, you know, should you ever need to."
Letting go is hard. I've made some really great friendships just within the last few months, and it's very painful to have to uproot myself just as I find myself comfortable in a community. With great sacrifices come great rewards, so I've been told.
I know they are out there, some one thousand miles away. They include a new job, a better job, a roommate for the first time in far too long, and a man who, by the grace of God alone, loves me more than I could possibly deserve. I just don't get to see those things right now, and without having them close by to touch and see, it's easy to forget that they exist. It doesn't take much for me to fall victim to the thoughts of, "What am I doing?"
"How did I get myself into this mess?"
When the day comes, not too long from now, that Ben and I are reunited, and I set foot on Florida ground for the first time in three months, and remember that God called me to be there, then it will truly feel like the end, the completion of a long struggle to find out and then come to terms with the path God has chosen for me.
Maybe then it won't feel like my heart is being torn apart. Maybe then it will feel like home. Maybe then I will finally feel like I'm fulfilling the purpose God has for my life.
Maybe.