its not funny how things are
its funny how life is when you move away. when you learn that life isnt easy. when you see that the real world is not filled with teddy bear band aids and suckers. when you grow up you look back and realize how great it was to be a kid. how great it was to be oblivious to the world, and how great it was to play games and in your mind it was real. (until mom called for dinner). I think its funny how when we are young we want to be grown up! how cool would that be? to be grown up! to go to high school, to drive, to go to college, to get a job, to live on your own, and be free. Isnt it funny how we were free at 5? or 10? or even 13? isnt it funny how we want what we cant have? or go back to what we did have? I think everyone lives in a fountain of youth. I think if we live life to the fullest we will always be young. In AP english we always brought up characters in our books having the "loss of inocence". and without even paying attention I have now learned that it happends to everyone in life. We all want to go back to see the world in good, and never comprehend the bad. We all want to see bad as your big brother taking your favorite new toy away from you (even though you didnt like it that much, until he touched it). To be young is to love, to be innocent is to let go. To feel careless is to breath. To be able to sit down and write up internet journal entries is to be able to sit and say "its ok". as much as it hurts and as hard as it is you think to yourself is it ok? can i be ok? will i EVER be ok? and i think of the young girls and boys that look up to me. and i think about what i would do if they needed me. and i think about what i would do if the harsh world of "adulthood" came to them so fast. as i write this i am thinking about what I would do, I would tell them to play. I would want them to play because i love them. huh- love. what a complex, misinterpretive, addicting, painful, over powering word. you know dr. suess once said "you know your in love when you cant fall asleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams". but what if your like me? what if you are in love but all you want to do is sleep? what if u are living the hell of books such as "Great Gatsby" or "death of a salesman"? what if your life is crippling and you just want to sleep because your dreams are safe? how do you love when this happeneds? Is to love to forgive? I think forgive is just as misconstrude as love. isnt it funny how people use these two words so lightly? I am at fault for that as well. you would think that after writing this i would have learned my lesson. well you are wrong. I am no saint, i admit that. but i ask God, what i can do to solve this, to make this better.
Your know its not funny when i sit here late at night thinking what can i do. and its not funny how in a matter of months the life you lived, the life you thought was never going to go anywhere even though you did, would not still be there. and its not funny how you leave your comfert zone when your not ready. and how you face challenges in life with out a hand to hold. and its not funny how one tear just one can say all that you want to say, symbolize everything, and feel the most comforting?
Its not funny. So why do we say one day we will look back and laugh? I know i wont. I know I cant. I guess thats not funny either.
Your know its not funny when i sit here late at night thinking what can i do. and its not funny how in a matter of months the life you lived, the life you thought was never going to go anywhere even though you did, would not still be there. and its not funny how you leave your comfert zone when your not ready. and how you face challenges in life with out a hand to hold. and its not funny how one tear just one can say all that you want to say, symbolize everything, and feel the most comforting?
Its not funny. So why do we say one day we will look back and laugh? I know i wont. I know I cant. I guess thats not funny either.