(no subject)
Well. I'm not sure how much people will read of this, since really, I think Randy (maybe laura) are the only ones that read this...
so here goes.
I have a huge issue and I can't figure out why. Really, I need to talk to Alan about it, since he would understand...I don't know about if Randy would, Laura might, and Ian wouldn't know at all...not yet.
When I was with Pat, I felt like I was always smothering him, being suffocating and clingy. He never told me I was...but I was. And After we broke up, he did complain about me being clingy. Now, I have a huge fear of being affectionate toward anyone. Ian told me about how important it is to him when i show my affection, and I realized how little I do it. I'm afraid of scaring him and of him leaving me for being so clingy and suffocating. Then, after I realized that, at Mile High Comics with Randy today, I apologized to him for being suffocating, and then realized that I wasn't being suffocating...and I tried showing my affection (kissing him or putting my arm around his) but each time I did it, my chest got really tight and I was afraid that he'd reject my affections and i could only be sweet to him for so long before I really freaked out and had to stop.
I hate it, and I know it stemmed from Pat...but I just realized it about myself, and it sucks ass....so if you have any advice for how to overcome this stupid fear...please help.
so here goes.
I have a huge issue and I can't figure out why. Really, I need to talk to Alan about it, since he would understand...I don't know about if Randy would, Laura might, and Ian wouldn't know at all...not yet.
When I was with Pat, I felt like I was always smothering him, being suffocating and clingy. He never told me I was...but I was. And After we broke up, he did complain about me being clingy. Now, I have a huge fear of being affectionate toward anyone. Ian told me about how important it is to him when i show my affection, and I realized how little I do it. I'm afraid of scaring him and of him leaving me for being so clingy and suffocating. Then, after I realized that, at Mile High Comics with Randy today, I apologized to him for being suffocating, and then realized that I wasn't being suffocating...and I tried showing my affection (kissing him or putting my arm around his) but each time I did it, my chest got really tight and I was afraid that he'd reject my affections and i could only be sweet to him for so long before I really freaked out and had to stop.
I hate it, and I know it stemmed from Pat...but I just realized it about myself, and it sucks ass....so if you have any advice for how to overcome this stupid fear...please help.