bitch beer and cheesecake
This weekend has been very relaxing...but I don't feel relaxed. I feel bored and restless. I hate wanting things that other people have. It makes me feel lame. I am just one of those people who always needs something...never content. And that makes me feel even more lame. It's bad when you annoy yourself, isn't it? I just have so many places I want to be and things I want to do. And I can't. I hate that. I wish I could be free to do what I want. I want to be happy. And I hate feeling like it's my fault I'm unhappy. Because then it makes me wonder what I should be doing differently. Is it ok to just accept unhappiness? Is it bad to just wait for things to change? And if not, how does the change happen? Because if there was an easy fix, I know I would have already done it.
But on a good note, I've really been working on just being myself lately. I've stopped apologizing for who I am. I'm the type to say I'm sorry before I've even done anything wrong. And I think it bothers people. And it bothers myself. I have been really trying to ask myself, "What do I want?" Not "What does everyone else want?" And the one thing that is really hard for me to do is to stop worrying about what other people think of me. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. Because at the end of the day, you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. And if the people in my life don't love me for me then I really don't want them in my life. And yes, this entire post in unoriginal and you are all saying "duh...." but it's ok. Because I needed to figure this all out and I think I finally have.
Dr Seuss said it best: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
So I just realized I was supposed to write about the weekend. Well basically, I worked yesterday morning, came home, and went with Katie to see our cousin Megan and her friends. They were all staying at a cabin in Welches. We got there in time to go to church with Megan in this little tiny Catholic church up there. It was really beautful. And then when we got back everyone was already partying! So we joined in! We played a few games and just had fun. Green apple smirnoff=good. Megan's friend Erin was so goofy and funny. She kept on coming up to us Vandecoevering girls and saying, "I love me some Vandecoevering!!!" haha Awesome. And then this morning we left pretty early so we could come home and clean! My room was a disaster. Our parents came up to take us to dinner. They brought my aunt and uncle, Janet and Bill, with them which was awesome. And so we had WAY too much food. It was at the Cheesecake Factory. MMMM....And Katie and I came home and Jeremy came over and we beat him at Mario Kart. And Kathleen came for a bit and we watched the Office which rocks my life. And now I am hanging out listening to music and waiting for Katie. Yeah...I bet you all feel enlightened about my life right now. :)