DADDY!BELGIUM, NEE-SAMA!HUNGARY, GALPAL!FINLAND, etc.~
It is now Monday. 2:20 AM. In a few hours, I have to go to school. I haven't finished my summer reading. I haven't finished half the things on my "Things to do before summer" list. I have not read twenty books, memorized the lyrics to five of my favorite songs, or finished watching Soul Eater (because I am a lazy bastard and after the Excalibur/Hiro episode I kind of went on Wikipedia and read all the spoilers so meh I might just abandon S.E.).
I don't feel like sleeping, but I know I should because when I get to school I am going to be tired as fuck. Ugh. I don't wanna go. Oh, and on a brighter note, HERE BE MY BELOVED HETALIA FAMILY (oh if only it were truuuu~).
FFFFFFFF. OH GAWD. My parents. And MY LOVER. ASFKJSDNFGDSKNVKDS. I really can't decide what is the best part of this. SO I SHALL CONVERT MY LOVE INTO DINNER CONVERSATION FORM:
---
Daddy!Belgium: Honey, this roast it delicious.
Mommy!Liechtenstein: T-Thank you, dear. I put forth all of my love into it--just for you.
Kitty!Lithuania: M-May I please have a seat at the table like everyone else?
Nii-chan!Greece: Nonsense. You can eat perfectly well at my feet. Or would you prefer my lap?
Boyfriend!Germania: ...There's someone standing outside the window.
Nee-sama!Hungary: It's Spain again! *grabs frying pan*
Stalker!Spain: *pant pant*
Galpal!Finland: Perkele~
Me: I... I love you all. WHO'S UP FOR A GROUP HUG?
Intruder!France: SCREW THAT. WHO'S UP FOR AN EPIC ORGY?
---
S-Seriously. France should have been my stalker. BUT I STILL LOVE YOU, ANTONIO, YOU LOVABLE OLD PEDO, YOU. And OMG Finland and I would click just like THAT. We'd have sleepovers and some shit and chat about our boyfriends and stay up all night watching movies and eating ice cream. I'd be all like, "You know, since I found out Germania likes it up the ass and all, I figure I might as well let Rome have a go at him every once in a while. Do you think I might be being too nice?" And then Poland would SO be invited. Wait, scratch that. He'd walk in like it's his house, check up on Liet, and then the three of us would have the most epic sleepover EVER. I--I want to braid Poland's hair. So BADLY.
I would harass my Kitty!Lithuania with pretty bows and ribbons. Come to think of it, so would Greece-niichan. DOUBLETEAM FTW. And then I'd walk in on Mommy and Daddy kissing in the kitchen. And I'd be like, "LOL LOOK IT'S LESBIANS." And Daddy!Belgium would shout at me, "GTFO OR I'LL TAKE AWAY YOUR YAOI." And I'd pout and yell back, "YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN." And Mommy!Liechtenstein would make it all better by sending me off with some porn movie starring her brother and Austria doing it on top of a piano and then I'd leave them to finish their business~
Last of all, I would have the HUGEST CRUSH ON MY HUNGARY-NEESAMA. I would follow her around everywhere, cooing, "Nee-sama, Nee-sama~" all the time, being an annoying little prat. And she'd be patient with me and teach me the ways of FUJOSHI and give me my first camera to take shots of guy and guy action (I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE A USXUK ANF FRUK PHOTO COLLECTION). And I'd follow her footsteps by carrying around an iron skillet with me everywhere just in case I need to smack a bitch.
And then--here comes the melodrama. Daddy!Belgium, in a fit of drunken rage, blurts out, "YOU'RE ADOPTED." I dash upstairs and cry for a little while. Then Hungary-neesama would come in and pat my back and tell me, "Don't worry, it's not so bad. Your birth father is the worst cook on Earth and is known worldwide as a sexual deviant/pirate/punk/imperialist bastard, but hey, at least now you know why you can't cook for shit, right?" And then I'd stop. And stare. And say, "Wait--what?"
THEN I'D FIND OUT THAT MY REAL DADDY IS ARTHUR FUCKING KIRKLAND. AND I'D REJOICE AND SING TO THE HEAVENS IN GRATITUDE. And Alfred would be my evil step-mother who never shares his hamburgers with me (that selfish pig D:<) and always waves his bloody flag in my face when I'm trying to read. Matthew would be my absolutely favorite uncle, who would dote on me and give me free maple syrup and health care. :| WHAT. A-Anyway, and Francis would be my daddy's old flame, who would frequently babysit me when Arthur and Alfred went out. And the Allies would all meet up on Saturdays for poker night at my daddy's house. Here comes another CONVO:
---
Ivan: *sitting on Matthew* Jiiii~ *staring at Alfred*
Matthew: *scared shitless*
Alfred: GO FISH.
Arthur: *drunk as hell* STRIP STRIP STRIP STRIP~
Francis: Angleterre, for the last time, this is not strip poker.
China: Then why are you NAKED aru?
Alfred: I SAID GO FISH YOU PINK COMMIE.
Arthur: *starts singing PUB&GO* FEESH ANDO CHEEPSSSSSS~ (lol fish and chips >_>;;)
Me: I WANNA PLAY! WHY CAN'T I PLAY! THIS ISN'T FAIR!
Alfred: GO TO YOUR ROOM.
Me: STFU YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER.
Francis: I promise I'll teach you next Saturday.
Me: LIAR, LIAR! THAT'S WOULD YOU SAID LAST TIME! I WANNA PLAY NOOOOOW~
China: Aiyaaaaa! Children should be seen, not heard!
Me: UWAHHHH~ DADDY, DADDY, THEY WON'T LET ME PLAAAAYYYY~
Arthur: *passed out*
---
This is officially the best fantasy I have ever had. I am currently having a mindgasm right now from the sheer possibilities. OH, if only, if only... Alfred and I would have the best bitch fights. China would be my private tutor. Ivan would be--oh, hell. I don't even know. o.0 My other babysitter, maybe? (oh lord that would be the most hellish night ever I might have to bring Finland over so we can cower in fear together).
But wait. THE AXIS. I HAVE NOT INCLUDED THEM IN HERE AT ALL. SHAME ON ME. OK, so let's see... Ludwig would definitely be my personal fitness trainer.
(Ludwig: GIVE ME FIFTY.
Me: *slips him a ULYSSES S. GRANT*
Ludwig: *is not amused* DO IT. NOW. *gobbles up the paper money in one chomp*
Me: :O Woah you're so HARDCORE MAN~)
Veneciano and I would be PASTA BUDDIES. Because I love my pasta like I love my men. Originally straight, but after being prepared properly, all limp and delicious and slathered with creamy, white (alfredo) sauce (I'm sorry Lovino, the tomato isn't my favorite veggie D:). And Kiku? Why, OF COURSE: Kiku would be my supplier of 2-D porn. Because everyone knows that's the best porn of all (lol eleventy-gajillion people would disagree with me on that XD).
It's 3:37. Schoooool. It looms ever closer. I'm actually a little sleepy. But if I sleep now, I know I won't be able to get up. Ahhh, what to do, what to do... Well, I'll sleep for now. This was fun. Too much fun. I'm definitely gonna make another Hetalia family again. :D
Night night~
I don't feel like sleeping, but I know I should because when I get to school I am going to be tired as fuck. Ugh. I don't wanna go. Oh, and on a brighter note, HERE BE MY BELOVED HETALIA FAMILY (oh if only it were truuuu~).
FFFFFFFF. OH GAWD. My parents. And MY LOVER. ASFKJSDNFGDSKNVKDS. I really can't decide what is the best part of this. SO I SHALL CONVERT MY LOVE INTO DINNER CONVERSATION FORM:
---
Daddy!Belgium: Honey, this roast it delicious.
Mommy!Liechtenstein: T-Thank you, dear. I put forth all of my love into it--just for you.
Kitty!Lithuania: M-May I please have a seat at the table like everyone else?
Nii-chan!Greece: Nonsense. You can eat perfectly well at my feet. Or would you prefer my lap?
Boyfriend!Germania: ...There's someone standing outside the window.
Nee-sama!Hungary: It's Spain again! *grabs frying pan*
Stalker!Spain: *pant pant*
Galpal!Finland: Perkele~
Me: I... I love you all. WHO'S UP FOR A GROUP HUG?
Intruder!France: SCREW THAT. WHO'S UP FOR AN EPIC ORGY?
---
S-Seriously. France should have been my stalker. BUT I STILL LOVE YOU, ANTONIO, YOU LOVABLE OLD PEDO, YOU. And OMG Finland and I would click just like THAT. We'd have sleepovers and some shit and chat about our boyfriends and stay up all night watching movies and eating ice cream. I'd be all like, "You know, since I found out Germania likes it up the ass and all, I figure I might as well let Rome have a go at him every once in a while. Do you think I might be being too nice?" And then Poland would SO be invited. Wait, scratch that. He'd walk in like it's his house, check up on Liet, and then the three of us would have the most epic sleepover EVER. I--I want to braid Poland's hair. So BADLY.
I would harass my Kitty!Lithuania with pretty bows and ribbons. Come to think of it, so would Greece-niichan. DOUBLETEAM FTW. And then I'd walk in on Mommy and Daddy kissing in the kitchen. And I'd be like, "LOL LOOK IT'S LESBIANS." And Daddy!Belgium would shout at me, "GTFO OR I'LL TAKE AWAY YOUR YAOI." And I'd pout and yell back, "YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN." And Mommy!Liechtenstein would make it all better by sending me off with some porn movie starring her brother and Austria doing it on top of a piano and then I'd leave them to finish their business~
Last of all, I would have the HUGEST CRUSH ON MY HUNGARY-NEESAMA. I would follow her around everywhere, cooing, "Nee-sama, Nee-sama~" all the time, being an annoying little prat. And she'd be patient with me and teach me the ways of FUJOSHI and give me my first camera to take shots of guy and guy action (I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE A USXUK ANF FRUK PHOTO COLLECTION). And I'd follow her footsteps by carrying around an iron skillet with me everywhere just in case I need to smack a bitch.
And then--here comes the melodrama. Daddy!Belgium, in a fit of drunken rage, blurts out, "YOU'RE ADOPTED." I dash upstairs and cry for a little while. Then Hungary-neesama would come in and pat my back and tell me, "Don't worry, it's not so bad. Your birth father is the worst cook on Earth and is known worldwide as a sexual deviant/pirate/punk/imperialist bastard, but hey, at least now you know why you can't cook for shit, right?" And then I'd stop. And stare. And say, "Wait--what?"
THEN I'D FIND OUT THAT MY REAL DADDY IS ARTHUR FUCKING KIRKLAND. AND I'D REJOICE AND SING TO THE HEAVENS IN GRATITUDE. And Alfred would be my evil step-mother who never shares his hamburgers with me (that selfish pig D:<) and always waves his bloody flag in my face when I'm trying to read. Matthew would be my absolutely favorite uncle, who would dote on me and give me free maple syrup and health care. :| WHAT. A-Anyway, and Francis would be my daddy's old flame, who would frequently babysit me when Arthur and Alfred went out. And the Allies would all meet up on Saturdays for poker night at my daddy's house. Here comes another CONVO:
---
Ivan: *sitting on Matthew* Jiiii~ *staring at Alfred*
Matthew: *scared shitless*
Alfred: GO FISH.
Arthur: *drunk as hell* STRIP STRIP STRIP STRIP~
Francis: Angleterre, for the last time, this is not strip poker.
China: Then why are you NAKED aru?
Alfred: I SAID GO FISH YOU PINK COMMIE.
Arthur: *starts singing PUB&GO* FEESH ANDO CHEEPSSSSSS~ (lol fish and chips >_>;;)
Me: I WANNA PLAY! WHY CAN'T I PLAY! THIS ISN'T FAIR!
Alfred: GO TO YOUR ROOM.
Me: STFU YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER.
Francis: I promise I'll teach you next Saturday.
Me: LIAR, LIAR! THAT'S WOULD YOU SAID LAST TIME! I WANNA PLAY NOOOOOW~
China: Aiyaaaaa! Children should be seen, not heard!
Me: UWAHHHH~ DADDY, DADDY, THEY WON'T LET ME PLAAAAYYYY~
Arthur: *passed out*
---
This is officially the best fantasy I have ever had. I am currently having a mindgasm right now from the sheer possibilities. OH, if only, if only... Alfred and I would have the best bitch fights. China would be my private tutor. Ivan would be--oh, hell. I don't even know. o.0 My other babysitter, maybe? (oh lord that would be the most hellish night ever I might have to bring Finland over so we can cower in fear together).
But wait. THE AXIS. I HAVE NOT INCLUDED THEM IN HERE AT ALL. SHAME ON ME. OK, so let's see... Ludwig would definitely be my personal fitness trainer.
(Ludwig: GIVE ME FIFTY.
Me: *slips him a ULYSSES S. GRANT*
Ludwig: *is not amused* DO IT. NOW. *gobbles up the paper money in one chomp*
Me: :O Woah you're so HARDCORE MAN~)
Veneciano and I would be PASTA BUDDIES. Because I love my pasta like I love my men. Originally straight, but after being prepared properly, all limp and delicious and slathered with creamy, white (alfredo) sauce (I'm sorry Lovino, the tomato isn't my favorite veggie D:). And Kiku? Why, OF COURSE: Kiku would be my supplier of 2-D porn. Because everyone knows that's the best porn of all (lol eleventy-gajillion people would disagree with me on that XD).
It's 3:37. Schoooool. It looms ever closer. I'm actually a little sleepy. But if I sleep now, I know I won't be able to get up. Ahhh, what to do, what to do... Well, I'll sleep for now. This was fun. Too much fun. I'm definitely gonna make another Hetalia family again. :D
Night night~