(no subject)
And so it begins...
The endless cycle of the past being brought into present occurences has begun... I never try to portray a perfect person but when others purposely bring out my flaws to the people that I haven't done anything wrong to, in an attempt to get them away, I find that rather annoying. I wish that those people would speak their mind TO me instead of behind my fucking back. Some "friends" I have in thise world, eh? The only person in this world that I can trust is the person that everyone wants away from me but fuck it... She's the only one that hasn't given me a reason to be shady and deceptive around. I fucked up in the past. I will not fuck up this time. I like this girl. I want to be happy. Give me the same rights to happiness as I give you. If a specific person is reading this they will know it is to them and they will understand... I do not go to the people that you find dearest and tell them reasons why they shouldn't be around you. Not because I thought you were cool, which I did in fact believe and in fact wished that I could have hung out with you more, but because I don't FUCKING KNOW A DAMNED THING ABOUT YOU BUT WHAT I'VE HEARD... You wouldn't know shit about me, either except bullshit that you hear from others. We don't exactly have many mutual friends to back me up about the fucking good things I do but I can name quite a few people who don't like me because I'm fucking happy that ARE in fact your friends. I want peace, comfort, safety, happiness, a hand to fall into mine... And I don't just want ANY hand. I want hers and I will not ever do anything to hurt her. If somewhere along the line her happiness means that I have to back away and she asked, I would do it... I don't understand the attraction that I have for her but it's not just the usual little things. Her ambitions, her smile, her personality, her choice of words, the way my hands fit perfectly on her hips and on the side of her face as I kiss her... Her paradisiac beauty is undeniable and cannot be challenged by any other... Please... All of you... Just let my mistakes go... I will not hurt her... I will not mess this up... I want to be someone she can speak to as well as be there holding her hand through thick and thin... I understand you only want her safety but you are protecting her from the wrong person. Please just cease the accusations and let me prove my worth through time and loyalty and a genuine kindness that she seems to bring out of me... I would give any of you anything I owned if it meant that one less person was trying to break this down... I fear I would probably run out of things to give if that were the case... I don't know... She seems undaunted by your words but they still worry me. They strike a fear deeper in me than anything else ever could... Please, I ask again, just stop these twisted accusations and rumors because I don't know how much of them I can take before I start to lash out at those that I think are spreading them. I would really hate to resort to that but I am no where near above it as this bullshit has pushed me into a hole that I'm willing to fight tooth and nail to get out of...
The endless cycle of the past being brought into present occurences has begun... I never try to portray a perfect person but when others purposely bring out my flaws to the people that I haven't done anything wrong to, in an attempt to get them away, I find that rather annoying. I wish that those people would speak their mind TO me instead of behind my fucking back. Some "friends" I have in thise world, eh? The only person in this world that I can trust is the person that everyone wants away from me but fuck it... She's the only one that hasn't given me a reason to be shady and deceptive around. I fucked up in the past. I will not fuck up this time. I like this girl. I want to be happy. Give me the same rights to happiness as I give you. If a specific person is reading this they will know it is to them and they will understand... I do not go to the people that you find dearest and tell them reasons why they shouldn't be around you. Not because I thought you were cool, which I did in fact believe and in fact wished that I could have hung out with you more, but because I don't FUCKING KNOW A DAMNED THING ABOUT YOU BUT WHAT I'VE HEARD... You wouldn't know shit about me, either except bullshit that you hear from others. We don't exactly have many mutual friends to back me up about the fucking good things I do but I can name quite a few people who don't like me because I'm fucking happy that ARE in fact your friends. I want peace, comfort, safety, happiness, a hand to fall into mine... And I don't just want ANY hand. I want hers and I will not ever do anything to hurt her. If somewhere along the line her happiness means that I have to back away and she asked, I would do it... I don't understand the attraction that I have for her but it's not just the usual little things. Her ambitions, her smile, her personality, her choice of words, the way my hands fit perfectly on her hips and on the side of her face as I kiss her... Her paradisiac beauty is undeniable and cannot be challenged by any other... Please... All of you... Just let my mistakes go... I will not hurt her... I will not mess this up... I want to be someone she can speak to as well as be there holding her hand through thick and thin... I understand you only want her safety but you are protecting her from the wrong person. Please just cease the accusations and let me prove my worth through time and loyalty and a genuine kindness that she seems to bring out of me... I would give any of you anything I owned if it meant that one less person was trying to break this down... I fear I would probably run out of things to give if that were the case... I don't know... She seems undaunted by your words but they still worry me. They strike a fear deeper in me than anything else ever could... Please, I ask again, just stop these twisted accusations and rumors because I don't know how much of them I can take before I start to lash out at those that I think are spreading them. I would really hate to resort to that but I am no where near above it as this bullshit has pushed me into a hole that I'm willing to fight tooth and nail to get out of...