Battling the Black Dog
For the first time in six months I don't want to get up out of bed. I just want to sleep all the time, make the world go away and pass easily into the state of dreams where there is no past present or future, where I exist only in half-flashes of semi-lucid thought. I never thought I would be in this state again but it is amazing what one letter can do, one seemingly innocent letter that says we will not help you that has the word failure ricocheting around my head like a bullet in a barrel. I cannot even be considered properly disabled in spite of the fact I may never be able to work again. I truly do not what I can do. There seems to be no further recourse available to me. So I sleep and hope that if I wake up a miracle has happened and I am no longer me.