(no subject)
Conversation:
Jode:Im fucking scared
Ive never been so out of confidence with anyone in my life, but theres something about you,
Penelope:Oh....
J:...Hello
J:This will happen again tomor night
Then Wednesday night, then well pretend were okay the next night
You have no control over your thoughts
...You have been trying
P:I slipped up tonight
J:You slipped up in that you asked me questions'
P:What are u thinking?
How I wish I was someone else
P:Johny Depp?
J:I don't want to be another person
P:I don't want u to be another person
I don't know what perspective id rather, that things were messed up from the start or that..
J:U would have thrown me in the trash
U need convincing
P:I could be talked in or out of something
J:Then youd be making the right decision
P:I cant believe how the weathers changed so quickly
Calm,
J:That's because were calm.
Jode was right it did happen again and not just the next night but at weekly intervals.
Gradually Penelope forgot about Jode's past transgressions, or perhaps became used to them, so that when the bad thoughts entered her mind she knew to withdraw from them immediately or else
be drawn into a deep depression. in a sense this meant her mind was no longer her own, it was not free to wander in and out of memories, of emotions and various scenes. the only question was how long could she maintain this lethargic state of mind.
whatever the case soon a journey would take place in her life, one that would change her, remoulding the long displaced template for descision making.
the truth was she certainly couldnt keep this up forever, so now what does that mean.
although she dispised her own personal problems on the basis of their self indulgent nature penelope knew she couldnot change the world if she couldnt even alter her own life and its
course.
Jode was not at this moment the man for Penelope, perhaps there was not a man for her. She didnt think there was at all. how could someone love a person like me? self-righteous, distractable a
dreamer of impossible dreams, a soul unsettled, a woman who would not settle.whilst trying to decide what was fair and what was good for both parties concerned, a strange thought entered Penelopes mind; there is not fair and good... there is life.