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Apr 09, 2006 22:06

Well, I awoke in relief. My sheets and tubes were all tangled weak from whiskey and pills,
in a Chicago hospital. My father was there, in a chair, by the window, staring so far away.
I tried talking, just whispered, 'so sorry,so selfish' He stopped me and said,
'Child I love you regardless and there is nothing you could do that would ever change this.
I'm not angry. It happens. You just can't do it again.'
So now I try to keep up, I have been exchanging my currency.
While a million objects pass through my periphery. So now I am rubbing my eyes because
they are starting to bother me. I have been staring too long at the screen.
But where was it when I first heard the sound of humility? It came to my ears in the goddamn
loveliest melody. How grateful I was then to be part of the mystery,
to love and be loved. Let's just hope that is enough.

I haven't heard this song in such a long time, because I lost my Lifted cd and I never had this song on my computer. At any rate, I listened to this song again. And I felt like crying because I remembered why.
Maybe it shouldn't get to me so much.
Maybe this is it.
I missed it, first of all.
I'm glad I missed it.
But I did.
I almost died about two years ago.
Something held me on.
And I'm not dead now.

I'm not and everyday I wonder that line I'll never get rid of... Is it really worth it?

-aj-
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