The thoughts that I just don't know...
I've got all these thoughts running through my head, just thinking that I am missing something. I've been feeling empty for a while... Something not there, that I had, that sense of fulfillment. I want to get out there and meet new people. But I feel like I can't do that until maybe I am happy with myself. I mean is that really true that you have to be content with yourself before you can find yourself content with another person. Isn't that other person the one who makes you feel even better about yourself, and makes you feel complete. The thought of being able to lay next to someone and not worry about how you look. When you are having a bad day always having someone to talk to at the end of the night, or look at you and talk to you and everything seems like it will get better no matter what. Ya know writing all this I sound like I am depressed but I'm not. I am feeling pretty good about myself lately. I just am missing a couple things or people I guess I should say. You know you think you know people and no matter what you never do. Even the person closest to you, you say that you tell a person everything, but do you really. I mean I'm sure that you do something that they would never expect from you. I think that at one point or another you suprise even yourself. I know that I have. There are a couple things that I have done, that I always told myself that I wouldn't and the problem is I really never felt guilty about it. The last thing that I did, I just can't believe I did. But on the other hand, it felt right. I also know that it was the wrong thing to do. In my heart I wanted to do it, and have thought about it more than once. And hey that is how things work I guess. I guess my point is, as much as you think you know yourself you never really do. People are always telling themselves that they are one way or wanting to do something, or saying that they will never do something. And sometimes you really don't ever do that thing. However, how many times have you told yourself that you wouldn't do something, and then a little while down the line, you have done it. I've done that one.. one too many times. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. But I am feeling like I don't know myself like I thought I did anymore. I rather have a couple good friends, than a lot of acquaintences. And that is true. I guess I just had a more diverse group of friends. Not that they aren't. And I guess what I am saying, that person that just likes to lay back, or that person that wants to go out and party. Or even a little bit of both. I think of myself as a calm yet daring person. I love to go out and do new things, and everything, and yet I like to just sit and home and have my alone time. I don't know. I guess I just have my mind going about a mile a minute about a lot of miniscule stuff right now. Nothing very important. I am happy with what I am doing right now. I am working and catching up on bills and going to be trying to save some money, so come fall time I can pay for school and keep up with the bills. And then I want to get started on my career. I guess it just wouldn't be so bad to spend that time with more than just friends. I love hanging out with them, and my family. but to have that special someone, not even neccisarily something serious. Just someone to hang out with and be close to.