cmon would it really be so bad?
okay! so this is the entry i started on yesterday but had not the chance to finish. (due to people in here AGAINGINADF) this means that the beginning is started from yesterday, thus when i say "last night" i mean saturday, not sunday! there, i just had to make sure that wouldn't confuse you!
I came home last night at about 10:30 and the fucking internet was down. I tried fixing it for about an hour to no avail. i was so upset because i needed to update and reply and just pour myself into this journal.
the modem or whatever needed replaced apparently and my dad finally did it just a few minutes ago. i ended up falling asleep last night at midnight and i didnt awake until 12. i've just been so emotionally exhausted...it's affecting me, physically. it seems that all i want to do is sleep. friday i went to sleep at midnight and awoke at fucking 1 o'clock. slept the day away.
thanks for reminding me about the time change! i guess that means i only slept until 11. :D
jon and i went to see Saw2. I really enjoyed the story of the first one so i was anxious to see the sequel. At first i thought the movie was terrible, but the twist at the end is, in my opinion, quite fulfilling. We were going to see Doom, also, but everyone said it was terrible so he just brough me home. This is where i discovered the fate of my internet, and where the frown appeared on my face from the thought of not being able to communicate with you.
i hate it that you have to go and look for your necessities for the apartment alone. i want to be there to give ideas and help you pick things out. i just think that would be plum amazin', dont you?
i want to see you and your new sweater and maybe i could help convince you that you're so very far from gross, that its sickening! rainer is just a growing kitty, and he needs his foodstuffs at the moment, im sure it will subside eventually. i felt the same way when we had those kitties growing up, they just wouldn't want to be alone ever and all they wanted was food!
okay now here is actual today updateage (halloween!)
so i basically just got off the phone with you, and i love how im definately smiling all the fuck over the place. when kate said she was at the mall and then said, "hold on," i knew what was in store, and my heart pretty much filled up. you have no idea how refreshing your voice is, my love. to have not heard it in so long was becoming entirely painful. with tonight it can start to subside, but soon enough ill need another helping of your voice, and it better be possible or else people will die, i say! there was so much i needed to say, needed you to actually HEAR, and it just is a shame im not able to speak the words due to fear of others hearing. i blame the few losses of mine tonight on my inability to speak, cause uhh it definately wasnt you being better than me or anything. pfft nope not at all. you mentioned in one of your updates how so much exists to say between us, but then it almost doesn't need to be said. god, thats exactly how i feel. we both know what lies between us. we know what this is. it's just so entirely beautiful that both of us can feel it and understand it. i was talking to jon as we went to the movies. he said something along the lines of, "when did you two start being "together" anyways, like a couple?" I quickly answered with how we never took to labeling anything, there was no need to restrict or define our connection. We are and were just us, and that is all there needs to be said. Our connection could almost be unspoken, but is so incredibly strong. Jon commented on how awesome of a way it was to look at things, and how wonderful it is to have found something like what we have. Gosh i think im fairly giddy just thinking about it.
we'll read Corduroy sometime together, okay? By together i REALLY mean that i will read it to you as a bed time story. it certainly sounds like a good plan to me!
by the way i think that if i saw the yoda kid, i would totally want to shake his hand. then i would remember the small green guy would probably break my widdle fingers. this would make me think twice about approaching him. it makes me smile to see how things remind you of me...to see how everything seems to remind us of eachother..
im sorry if how i said goodbye tonight seemed awkward. it was something i didnt want to have to do, and i think i went about it in the wrong way. i couldnt say what i truly wanted to, anyways, due to family all around.
i have to admit that i am sort of disappointed that i wont be there when the tattoo is filled in, only because ive been looking forward to it. never fear though! the thought of a new one from start to finish is MORE than enough to subside my slight sadness. there better be a myriad of pictures of you soon, anyways! after the tattoo of course, but anytime is surely welcomed.
i feel so sad for your aunt sarah. that sounds like such a terrible thing to have to go through. i really hope things work out perfectly though. i hope the surgery is completed without a problem at all. i cant imagine going through such a physical ailment like that.
oh my GOD he is so fucking beautiful. izaiah, wow. finally a clear picture of his FACE to keep and look at...now only if you were in it too. i mean i have the one of you holding him, but it doesnt compare because this one has a FIELD OF PUNKINS! he's all squinty from the sun, just whoa. i want to hug that kid. i just picture him running from punkin to punkin. boy oh boy..i think ive just been inspired.
speaking of animals, i miss the zoo. i want to go there for the festival of lights. that might have to be a dream date for us, i guess, but nevertheless, be it in my mind or in reality, it will happen. seeing all of the animals and decorations and sipping hot chocolate..what a wonderful experience it is.
im also glad whitney and phil are enjoying each other oh so much. things seem so great for them and im happy for that. i saw phil in the yearbook from the prom king picture. he looks so happy, that i just had to smile along with him. right when i got the book the first thing i did was turn to seniors V. there you were...right page top middle. you and your beautiful self. you and your wonderful quote. i wish you could have seen how happy something as simple as that made me.
there had better be pictures of lion-izaiah. if not, someone somewhere is going to pay the ultimate price. please show me them if they exist!
ive been looking more and more at scholarship and school application stuff. ive gotta finish my DAAP application really soon. I'll probably look at it more in depth tomorrow, there are more important things at the moment, of course. I wonder when i'll get my ACT scores back. i should have studied more than i did, i just really dont know waht i could have studied! i just wasn't prepared for the whole 'time' aspect of it. 35 minutes for 40 questions that also involved reading like 4 passages! it's ridiculous..i tried though, and i just hope it's enough for the moment.
cocorosie is already finished. i'll send it somehow. perhaps a blank cd can accidentally wind up in someone else's hand, find its way to my burner, and then back to you!? what a strange sequence of events that would be..oh how coincidental, too!
i really dont think my parents willl bring me back to the psychologist. she basically told them they were wrong in their ways of going about this. i feel that they dont like being told that, and so are going to keep me from her. i wouldn't mind returning to her, though.
i want to get some new clothes. i need a few new sweaters, and i would like to get a cardigan that fits right. i enjoy bundling up for winter, too, but with my current wardrobe i feel uncomfortable doing soooooo. hmm scratch that..how about we stay warm with only a couple blankets and our bodies? you know, to save money?
golly, im just going to up and post this so at least you know that i've been writing, love.
i wonder if shawn had any idea it wasn't who i said i was talking to. i know i had this joyous aura surrounding me, a goofy grin like you did also. we're basically amazing, you know?
we'll have a room like the one in the art museum. it'll be a great project for the both of us, dont you agree? thank you for thinking of such a wonderful idea. you always seem to have such good thoughts up your sleeve..
oh CMON! we both know i TOTALLY do not look cool at ALL with the headphones on. i so wasn't even talking to anyone. i posed just for YOU, ya know..
a maze, just like the one on the shirt you picked out for me. i still can't get over how much i like it. it really does fit perfectly. who woulda thought?
i'm attempting to better myself, as well. ive begun to read more, draw more, finish things earlier, and stay on task. i feel like i am growing as a person, and i know that though n ow is such a hard time, it is time to better ME and this will in turn better us..
tonight is beautiful due to today's events and mainly those surrounding the timeframe of about 7-8PM. i did not expect a lonely halloween to turn out so amazingly. it's time to end tonight with our hayride and punkin extravaganza. i cant wait, oh no i cant.
thank you for being so beautifully you.
that's what you are, my love, beautiful in every which way.
i simply adore you. do not forget that.
liebe. LIEBE?love.
ps. kate told me that my victory did indeed come true tonight. my plan was executed perfectly. mwhahaa!
lovemisslovemissMORE
! ! !
I came home last night at about 10:30 and the fucking internet was down. I tried fixing it for about an hour to no avail. i was so upset because i needed to update and reply and just pour myself into this journal.
the modem or whatever needed replaced apparently and my dad finally did it just a few minutes ago. i ended up falling asleep last night at midnight and i didnt awake until 12. i've just been so emotionally exhausted...it's affecting me, physically. it seems that all i want to do is sleep. friday i went to sleep at midnight and awoke at fucking 1 o'clock. slept the day away.
thanks for reminding me about the time change! i guess that means i only slept until 11. :D
jon and i went to see Saw2. I really enjoyed the story of the first one so i was anxious to see the sequel. At first i thought the movie was terrible, but the twist at the end is, in my opinion, quite fulfilling. We were going to see Doom, also, but everyone said it was terrible so he just brough me home. This is where i discovered the fate of my internet, and where the frown appeared on my face from the thought of not being able to communicate with you.
i hate it that you have to go and look for your necessities for the apartment alone. i want to be there to give ideas and help you pick things out. i just think that would be plum amazin', dont you?
i want to see you and your new sweater and maybe i could help convince you that you're so very far from gross, that its sickening! rainer is just a growing kitty, and he needs his foodstuffs at the moment, im sure it will subside eventually. i felt the same way when we had those kitties growing up, they just wouldn't want to be alone ever and all they wanted was food!
okay now here is actual today updateage (halloween!)
so i basically just got off the phone with you, and i love how im definately smiling all the fuck over the place. when kate said she was at the mall and then said, "hold on," i knew what was in store, and my heart pretty much filled up. you have no idea how refreshing your voice is, my love. to have not heard it in so long was becoming entirely painful. with tonight it can start to subside, but soon enough ill need another helping of your voice, and it better be possible or else people will die, i say! there was so much i needed to say, needed you to actually HEAR, and it just is a shame im not able to speak the words due to fear of others hearing. i blame the few losses of mine tonight on my inability to speak, cause uhh it definately wasnt you being better than me or anything. pfft nope not at all. you mentioned in one of your updates how so much exists to say between us, but then it almost doesn't need to be said. god, thats exactly how i feel. we both know what lies between us. we know what this is. it's just so entirely beautiful that both of us can feel it and understand it. i was talking to jon as we went to the movies. he said something along the lines of, "when did you two start being "together" anyways, like a couple?" I quickly answered with how we never took to labeling anything, there was no need to restrict or define our connection. We are and were just us, and that is all there needs to be said. Our connection could almost be unspoken, but is so incredibly strong. Jon commented on how awesome of a way it was to look at things, and how wonderful it is to have found something like what we have. Gosh i think im fairly giddy just thinking about it.
we'll read Corduroy sometime together, okay? By together i REALLY mean that i will read it to you as a bed time story. it certainly sounds like a good plan to me!
by the way i think that if i saw the yoda kid, i would totally want to shake his hand. then i would remember the small green guy would probably break my widdle fingers. this would make me think twice about approaching him. it makes me smile to see how things remind you of me...to see how everything seems to remind us of eachother..
im sorry if how i said goodbye tonight seemed awkward. it was something i didnt want to have to do, and i think i went about it in the wrong way. i couldnt say what i truly wanted to, anyways, due to family all around.
i have to admit that i am sort of disappointed that i wont be there when the tattoo is filled in, only because ive been looking forward to it. never fear though! the thought of a new one from start to finish is MORE than enough to subside my slight sadness. there better be a myriad of pictures of you soon, anyways! after the tattoo of course, but anytime is surely welcomed.
i feel so sad for your aunt sarah. that sounds like such a terrible thing to have to go through. i really hope things work out perfectly though. i hope the surgery is completed without a problem at all. i cant imagine going through such a physical ailment like that.
oh my GOD he is so fucking beautiful. izaiah, wow. finally a clear picture of his FACE to keep and look at...now only if you were in it too. i mean i have the one of you holding him, but it doesnt compare because this one has a FIELD OF PUNKINS! he's all squinty from the sun, just whoa. i want to hug that kid. i just picture him running from punkin to punkin. boy oh boy..i think ive just been inspired.
speaking of animals, i miss the zoo. i want to go there for the festival of lights. that might have to be a dream date for us, i guess, but nevertheless, be it in my mind or in reality, it will happen. seeing all of the animals and decorations and sipping hot chocolate..what a wonderful experience it is.
im also glad whitney and phil are enjoying each other oh so much. things seem so great for them and im happy for that. i saw phil in the yearbook from the prom king picture. he looks so happy, that i just had to smile along with him. right when i got the book the first thing i did was turn to seniors V. there you were...right page top middle. you and your beautiful self. you and your wonderful quote. i wish you could have seen how happy something as simple as that made me.
there had better be pictures of lion-izaiah. if not, someone somewhere is going to pay the ultimate price. please show me them if they exist!
ive been looking more and more at scholarship and school application stuff. ive gotta finish my DAAP application really soon. I'll probably look at it more in depth tomorrow, there are more important things at the moment, of course. I wonder when i'll get my ACT scores back. i should have studied more than i did, i just really dont know waht i could have studied! i just wasn't prepared for the whole 'time' aspect of it. 35 minutes for 40 questions that also involved reading like 4 passages! it's ridiculous..i tried though, and i just hope it's enough for the moment.
cocorosie is already finished. i'll send it somehow. perhaps a blank cd can accidentally wind up in someone else's hand, find its way to my burner, and then back to you!? what a strange sequence of events that would be..oh how coincidental, too!
i really dont think my parents willl bring me back to the psychologist. she basically told them they were wrong in their ways of going about this. i feel that they dont like being told that, and so are going to keep me from her. i wouldn't mind returning to her, though.
i want to get some new clothes. i need a few new sweaters, and i would like to get a cardigan that fits right. i enjoy bundling up for winter, too, but with my current wardrobe i feel uncomfortable doing soooooo. hmm scratch that..how about we stay warm with only a couple blankets and our bodies? you know, to save money?
golly, im just going to up and post this so at least you know that i've been writing, love.
i wonder if shawn had any idea it wasn't who i said i was talking to. i know i had this joyous aura surrounding me, a goofy grin like you did also. we're basically amazing, you know?
we'll have a room like the one in the art museum. it'll be a great project for the both of us, dont you agree? thank you for thinking of such a wonderful idea. you always seem to have such good thoughts up your sleeve..
oh CMON! we both know i TOTALLY do not look cool at ALL with the headphones on. i so wasn't even talking to anyone. i posed just for YOU, ya know..
a maze, just like the one on the shirt you picked out for me. i still can't get over how much i like it. it really does fit perfectly. who woulda thought?
i'm attempting to better myself, as well. ive begun to read more, draw more, finish things earlier, and stay on task. i feel like i am growing as a person, and i know that though n ow is such a hard time, it is time to better ME and this will in turn better us..
tonight is beautiful due to today's events and mainly those surrounding the timeframe of about 7-8PM. i did not expect a lonely halloween to turn out so amazingly. it's time to end tonight with our hayride and punkin extravaganza. i cant wait, oh no i cant.
thank you for being so beautifully you.
that's what you are, my love, beautiful in every which way.
i simply adore you. do not forget that.
liebe. LIEBE?love.
ps. kate told me that my victory did indeed come true tonight. my plan was executed perfectly. mwhahaa!
lovemisslovemissMORE
! ! !