Probably just another Rant...
For a while, I felt like the princess of MySpace. I religiously prayed to it to show me signs of friendship, freedom, and flirtations from beyond the banners. Any extra time I had went directly to the effort that is MySpace, whether adjusting my profile colors or changing my song to something more "me."
It's stupid. The whole thing. Am I a cynical married woman now? No. Negative, perhaps, and only further emulated by the mere answer of "no" is negative a more likely description. But that's neither here nor there. I'm almost done with myspace. I'm thinking of hanging on for a while longer... but switching to more plain meaningless colors.
I'm almost saddened at my desire to rid myself of my "friends." Those people whom I haven't spoken with in the physical context for three or more years. The friends I talk to almost daily and so don't really communicate with here.
This place has become a destination for the depressed, the desperate and the desolate. I once felt I could really express myself here... but now... it's just an accessory without meaning. Similar to treasuring a piece of jewelry for so long... then losing contact with the meaning. And I ask myself (and you) does this place really have meaning?
Yes, I suppose it does. For the shy, it's a way to show themselves to the world without feeling too vulnerable; for those lacking self esteem, a place to hide their appearance; for the self centered a place where it really is all about them. But for me... it once was a place for friendship building and conversation... and somehow that place in my life has been replaced by real people.
I feel like I've been losing more friends than I've been gaining despite my efforts. In the process of looking for friends, I discovered what I actually need in a friend, thus realizing things about current friends. Maybe all my needs and demands needn't be met by one friend, but merely by an array of friends. And I haven't ACTUALLY lost any friends, just realized what I can and can't expect of each of them. The realizations that some of those closest to me are some of the most selfish is a painful realization, but a necessary one. The selfish cannot be asked to be giving; the prude will not get drunk; and I am far too honest for most of my friends and family.
You know, someone pointed that out to me today. My honesty. It was only after I seemingly insulted her by asking her how she was.
"How are you?" I ask within the context of a brief conversation about my recent numptuals.
"Good. Why did you ask me that?"
"Well... I worry about you. I want you to be happy in life and to have fun and such..."
"Do you worry about all your customers?"
"Um... no, I guess not really. Just you. You're a nice person, and I... I'm too honest sometimes. I'm sorry..."
"No, no, it's okay. It's refreshing."
So in hindesight, I guess I pointed it out sheepishly and she seemed to understand. But I doubt it. I do that all the time. It's not that I give an honest opinion when asked. It's that I give one when NOT asked....
But this was all probably just another rant. I mean, if I quit myspace, where else will I whine about myspace? Although... I do have an LJ... hmm....
It's stupid. The whole thing. Am I a cynical married woman now? No. Negative, perhaps, and only further emulated by the mere answer of "no" is negative a more likely description. But that's neither here nor there. I'm almost done with myspace. I'm thinking of hanging on for a while longer... but switching to more plain meaningless colors.
I'm almost saddened at my desire to rid myself of my "friends." Those people whom I haven't spoken with in the physical context for three or more years. The friends I talk to almost daily and so don't really communicate with here.
This place has become a destination for the depressed, the desperate and the desolate. I once felt I could really express myself here... but now... it's just an accessory without meaning. Similar to treasuring a piece of jewelry for so long... then losing contact with the meaning. And I ask myself (and you) does this place really have meaning?
Yes, I suppose it does. For the shy, it's a way to show themselves to the world without feeling too vulnerable; for those lacking self esteem, a place to hide their appearance; for the self centered a place where it really is all about them. But for me... it once was a place for friendship building and conversation... and somehow that place in my life has been replaced by real people.
I feel like I've been losing more friends than I've been gaining despite my efforts. In the process of looking for friends, I discovered what I actually need in a friend, thus realizing things about current friends. Maybe all my needs and demands needn't be met by one friend, but merely by an array of friends. And I haven't ACTUALLY lost any friends, just realized what I can and can't expect of each of them. The realizations that some of those closest to me are some of the most selfish is a painful realization, but a necessary one. The selfish cannot be asked to be giving; the prude will not get drunk; and I am far too honest for most of my friends and family.
You know, someone pointed that out to me today. My honesty. It was only after I seemingly insulted her by asking her how she was.
"How are you?" I ask within the context of a brief conversation about my recent numptuals.
"Good. Why did you ask me that?"
"Well... I worry about you. I want you to be happy in life and to have fun and such..."
"Do you worry about all your customers?"
"Um... no, I guess not really. Just you. You're a nice person, and I... I'm too honest sometimes. I'm sorry..."
"No, no, it's okay. It's refreshing."
So in hindesight, I guess I pointed it out sheepishly and she seemed to understand. But I doubt it. I do that all the time. It's not that I give an honest opinion when asked. It's that I give one when NOT asked....
But this was all probably just another rant. I mean, if I quit myspace, where else will I whine about myspace? Although... I do have an LJ... hmm....