Perception
Well. It's been a strange couple of days... my head hurts, but emotionally I'm totally numb. Ever since I went to that concert last week I've been gradually slipping deeper and deeper into a state of mental depression, and I can't seem to stop myself. I had an argument with my father... that's always good for a mood-sourer. He seems to think that henna tattoos (they only last about 2 weeks) are some sort of abomination that will degrade me in the eyes of the world, and hence in his eyes. I seem to be shaming him by even thinking about learning to do it.
Then there is another matter... a rather attractive student that I was discussing with certain people. I was jokingly discussing what I'd do if by some remote possibility he asked me for a drink, and asserting that anything other than a response of "Err, no" was fraught with difficulty since he's involved in youth ministry. I, being a nihilist, have the horrors of getting involved with someone who might endeavour to 'show me the light', as it were. Someone I was talking to didn't know anything about nihilism, but based on the fact that I subscribed to it (in some sense) jokingly suggested that it meant going out and systematically destroying other people's religious beliefs.
I got rather hurt/upset by that. I don't really care what other people believe... just leave me to my own beliefs (or lack thereof rather) and exclude me from your campaign of salvation.
I know they didn't mean to upset me... but it really hit a nerve. Then another person today managed to hit a nerve and I am now down a friend. For the best - I actually was reconciled to a parting of the ways but they've come back and basically made it all out to be down to my immaturity, so I'm not dealing with it as well as I was. Then again I don't know why I'm surprised... these things all somehow come down to my numerous character flaws.
Must turn off this music... it's eating my soul...