TWW Ficlet: Five Conversations It Hurt To Have
Fandom: The West Wing
Title: Five Conversations It Hurt To Have
Rated: PG-13
Character: John Hoynes, various others
Notes: inspired by krazykitkat's 'five things that never happened' fic, I wrote a variation on that theme. Spoiler for the season 6 finale in number 5.
[ five conversations it hurt to have ]
by kHo
i.
“I quit.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“I quit, Angela! I went to rehab, I got sober!”
Angela sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”
He felt himself deflating, felt himself wanting the very thing that he’d just spent the past 30 days schooling himself to not want anymore. “How can you say that?”
“It’s too late. You hurt me too much.”
And there is it, that’s the hard rub. “Angela, let me make it up to you.”
“Can you erase time, John,” Angela says with a sweet sad smile. “Can you go back in time and erase all the hurtful things you said. All the times when you chose alcohol over me?”
“I’m in my 20’s Angela! We have so much time to make it up to each other--”
“You do,” she said. “I’m leaving.”
He’s left to wonder why it was that he’d even bothered to get sober if he’d wound up losing everything anyway.
ii.
“I’m married.”
Her face fell, the light leaving her eyes. “I know that.”
He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I know you know, Claudia--”
“CJ,” she said, sitting up in the bed and hugging the sheets to her naked torso. “Only people I like get to call me Claudia.”
“Look,” he said with a sigh. “I just. This can’t continue. It’s wrong.”
CJ’s laugh is bitter and he thinks to himself that something as beautiful as that laugh should never be bitter. “No shit it’s wrong, John. Ya know what? Shut up.”
John looks at her. “I’m sorry.”
“Shut up, John,” CJ says, crawling out of bed, proudly naked and baring it all as she faces him. “I never should have gotten on that elevator with you.”
“If things were different. If I weren’t married… CJ, you’re really something, you know that?”
She glares at him, her hands on her hips. “Go back to your wife John. Take your charm and your southern accent, and get the fuck out.”
iii.
He sits down heavily, turning betrayed eyes up to his (ex)head of political affairs. “You’re leaving.”
“Yes,” Josh said, looking away. “Senator--”
“No,” John said, holding up his hand. “You can’t.”
Josh sighed. “I’m sorry, Sir.”
John stood up slowly. “No,” he said, stepping closer to him. “Josh, I can’t do this without you.”
Josh smiles sadly. “Guess you should have listened to me then, huh?”
“I’ll do whatever you want, Josh,” John says, knowing he sounds desperate and not caring. “Josh, I’ll say and do whatever you want.”
“It’s too late, Senator,” Josh said softly. “He’s the guy. And in a couple of months, you’re gonna see that.”
“Well. And here I thought we were friends.”
“I’m sorry, Senator,” Josh said. “I wanted to do this for you. I just can’t anymore.”
John squares his shoulders and holds out his hand. “Goodbye Josh,” he says, and he smiles that easy politician smile of his and knows Josh sees right through it. “It was nice knowing you.”
iv.
“You sold me out.”
Helen laughed, she actually laughed. “Well. Yeah.”
“You’ve ruined my life,” he said. “You’ve ruined my political life, you’ve ruined my credibility, you’ve ruined my marriage.”
“Oh, John, cut the crap,” she said, rolling her eyes and picking up the box from her office. “You did that. You did that when you took me to bed and told me you loved me. And told me state secrets that shouldn’t have been told.” She raises her eyebrows at him and smiles. “I just took advantage of your idiocy.”
He steps back and leans against the wall. “I actually did love you, Helen. That wasn’t a lie.”
“Too bad,” she said, stepping closer to him, close enough to smell her perfume. “You have really bad taste it seems.”
“Was it worth it,” he asked to her retreating back. “Whoring yourself out for a book deal? Was it worth it?”
“Don’t sell yourself short, John,” she said with a grin. “You’re really good in bed.”
v.
He could barely stand to meet Josh’s eyes. “Sorry, Sir.”
He sighed, sinking down in his chair. “You were right.”
“Yes sir.”
He smiled and looked at him, pushing out the chair next to him. “It’s over,” he asked as Josh sat next to him. “It’s really over?”
Josh sighed, facing him. “I’m sorry, John.”
“God,” John said, closing his eyes. “That’s the first time you’ve called me John since the first time I ran.”
“I apologize-“
“No,” John said, smiling. “It’s good to hear. There was a time we were friends, remember?”
Josh smiled. “Yeah. I do.”
“A hundred and two,” John said, closing his eyes. “A hundred and two Josh.”
“Come on,” Josh said, standing up and pushing his chair in. “Let’s go get something to eat.”
John looked up at him. “You don’t have phone calls to make?”
Josh shook his head. “Nah. Come have a late dinner with me.”
John sighed and stood, falling in step with Josh. “Well. One good thing came out of this.”
Josh smiled at him. “What’s that?”
John smiled back. “I got you back.”
Annotation: I'm an ass. In no. 5, I had Josh offer to buy Hoynes a beer. It's something normal people do on a hard day. He would have done it for Sam. Except, ya know what? John has a drinking problem! And I KNEW that! I made no. 1 ABOUT that!!! And thanks to teddibear pointing it out, now I've fixed it. Fuck a beer. Have dinner, John and Josh! *hanging head in shame*
Title: Five Conversations It Hurt To Have
Rated: PG-13
Character: John Hoynes, various others
Notes: inspired by krazykitkat's 'five things that never happened' fic, I wrote a variation on that theme. Spoiler for the season 6 finale in number 5.
[ five conversations it hurt to have ]
by kHo
i.
“I quit.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“I quit, Angela! I went to rehab, I got sober!”
Angela sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”
He felt himself deflating, felt himself wanting the very thing that he’d just spent the past 30 days schooling himself to not want anymore. “How can you say that?”
“It’s too late. You hurt me too much.”
And there is it, that’s the hard rub. “Angela, let me make it up to you.”
“Can you erase time, John,” Angela says with a sweet sad smile. “Can you go back in time and erase all the hurtful things you said. All the times when you chose alcohol over me?”
“I’m in my 20’s Angela! We have so much time to make it up to each other--”
“You do,” she said. “I’m leaving.”
He’s left to wonder why it was that he’d even bothered to get sober if he’d wound up losing everything anyway.
ii.
“I’m married.”
Her face fell, the light leaving her eyes. “I know that.”
He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I know you know, Claudia--”
“CJ,” she said, sitting up in the bed and hugging the sheets to her naked torso. “Only people I like get to call me Claudia.”
“Look,” he said with a sigh. “I just. This can’t continue. It’s wrong.”
CJ’s laugh is bitter and he thinks to himself that something as beautiful as that laugh should never be bitter. “No shit it’s wrong, John. Ya know what? Shut up.”
John looks at her. “I’m sorry.”
“Shut up, John,” CJ says, crawling out of bed, proudly naked and baring it all as she faces him. “I never should have gotten on that elevator with you.”
“If things were different. If I weren’t married… CJ, you’re really something, you know that?”
She glares at him, her hands on her hips. “Go back to your wife John. Take your charm and your southern accent, and get the fuck out.”
iii.
He sits down heavily, turning betrayed eyes up to his (ex)head of political affairs. “You’re leaving.”
“Yes,” Josh said, looking away. “Senator--”
“No,” John said, holding up his hand. “You can’t.”
Josh sighed. “I’m sorry, Sir.”
John stood up slowly. “No,” he said, stepping closer to him. “Josh, I can’t do this without you.”
Josh smiles sadly. “Guess you should have listened to me then, huh?”
“I’ll do whatever you want, Josh,” John says, knowing he sounds desperate and not caring. “Josh, I’ll say and do whatever you want.”
“It’s too late, Senator,” Josh said softly. “He’s the guy. And in a couple of months, you’re gonna see that.”
“Well. And here I thought we were friends.”
“I’m sorry, Senator,” Josh said. “I wanted to do this for you. I just can’t anymore.”
John squares his shoulders and holds out his hand. “Goodbye Josh,” he says, and he smiles that easy politician smile of his and knows Josh sees right through it. “It was nice knowing you.”
iv.
“You sold me out.”
Helen laughed, she actually laughed. “Well. Yeah.”
“You’ve ruined my life,” he said. “You’ve ruined my political life, you’ve ruined my credibility, you’ve ruined my marriage.”
“Oh, John, cut the crap,” she said, rolling her eyes and picking up the box from her office. “You did that. You did that when you took me to bed and told me you loved me. And told me state secrets that shouldn’t have been told.” She raises her eyebrows at him and smiles. “I just took advantage of your idiocy.”
He steps back and leans against the wall. “I actually did love you, Helen. That wasn’t a lie.”
“Too bad,” she said, stepping closer to him, close enough to smell her perfume. “You have really bad taste it seems.”
“Was it worth it,” he asked to her retreating back. “Whoring yourself out for a book deal? Was it worth it?”
“Don’t sell yourself short, John,” she said with a grin. “You’re really good in bed.”
v.
He could barely stand to meet Josh’s eyes. “Sorry, Sir.”
He sighed, sinking down in his chair. “You were right.”
“Yes sir.”
He smiled and looked at him, pushing out the chair next to him. “It’s over,” he asked as Josh sat next to him. “It’s really over?”
Josh sighed, facing him. “I’m sorry, John.”
“God,” John said, closing his eyes. “That’s the first time you’ve called me John since the first time I ran.”
“I apologize-“
“No,” John said, smiling. “It’s good to hear. There was a time we were friends, remember?”
Josh smiled. “Yeah. I do.”
“A hundred and two,” John said, closing his eyes. “A hundred and two Josh.”
“Come on,” Josh said, standing up and pushing his chair in. “Let’s go get something to eat.”
John looked up at him. “You don’t have phone calls to make?”
Josh shook his head. “Nah. Come have a late dinner with me.”
John sighed and stood, falling in step with Josh. “Well. One good thing came out of this.”
Josh smiled at him. “What’s that?”
John smiled back. “I got you back.”
Annotation: I'm an ass. In no. 5, I had Josh offer to buy Hoynes a beer. It's something normal people do on a hard day. He would have done it for Sam. Except, ya know what? John has a drinking problem! And I KNEW that! I made no. 1 ABOUT that!!! And thanks to teddibear pointing it out, now I've fixed it. Fuck a beer. Have dinner, John and Josh! *hanging head in shame*