"i'll take you for who you are if you take me for everything"
I get it.
Every corny romantic comedy, every sappy love song with cliche lyrics.
love.
Or atleast, I think I get it.. I'm 19, I'm sure I don't know what it really is.. nor does anyone. maybe its real simple and we complicate it, I don't know.
What I do know is that I feel a ridiculous amount of feelings and emotions and since the reason wont speak to me.. I have no place to put them.
Arafath.
I started working at rockfish in february, of this year.. I was completely starting over. changing everything about myself, succussfully and for the better. calmer, sober, celebit, responsible, smarter.. in control.
I decided to be completely selfish and work on me. and he just popped into my life, fell for me really hard and wanted to be with me. I wasn't, and probably still am not ready to be a relationship.. I had such mixed feelings about him and saw a lot of early red flags as to why I shouldn't be with him.
He has this outrageous, insane absurd ex girlfriend who is TWENTYFOUR years old and causes more dramatics than kids I babysit for. shes nuts and I'm not exaggerating, or saying that because shes his ex and I don't like her, i mean she really is a complete case with zero sense of reality.
He slept on the floor of his roommate's one bedroom apartment.. and only paid them maybe a 3rd of the rent he owed them for the whole time he lived there..
he didnt have a car, or a liscence because it got suspsened for racing, and he has warrants out for his arrest. and owed his ex over 500 dollars
he smokes ciggarettes and blew all his money away drinking everynight with people from work
he's 21 and didnt go to school.. and still isnt
he moved back home, was jobless and it stayed that way for a while..
and the worst of all.. he was/is an insensitive ass who constantly insulted me and made jokes at my expense and saw no real problem with being that way because "its who he is".
WHY THE HELL WOULD SOMEONE LIKE ME EVER BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT?
well.. girls like assholes for one, thats just fact.. and two. it sounds completely pathetic but his personality and presence really captivated me, and fit well with mine.
funny.. outgoing, charismatic, down to earth.
but still... all that.. crap that was going on. all the shit he didn't have together.. and all the shit he could've so easily gotten together and worked hard to do better, be better and change. but i guess he didn't want it, or else he would have done it. I can't help someone who wont help themselves.. he wanted everything handed to him and put in no real effort to make positive, effective change.
BUT..in some weird, dissillusioned way I fell in love with him.
it sounds like it was all bad.. and believe me, a lot of it was. he was very selfish and we always did what he wanted to, except when I declined.
but it wasnt all bad. he called every day, multiple times a day. thought I was amazing and beautiful and told me so. he loved spending time with me and no one made me luagh harder or brighetened my day the way he did.
I wanted him to get his shit together..
get a good job, apartment, car.. go to school. be nice, sweet to me and supportive of me, be patient with me.
I don't think that's asking to much.
I put in so much that I just dont feel like he was greatful for.. and I DEFINETLY did not get back any of what I put in.
I would bring him donuts like a nice girlfriend. and if I said i was bringing donuts and didn't for one reason or another he would bitch about it and say "you were supposed to bring me fucking donuts"
um..BRING ME SOME DONUTS FOR ONCE!!?
i came over amd took care of him when he was sick.. bought him cough drops and advil and rubbed his back until he fell asleep.
when i was sick he told me to drive myself over so he could take care of me
COME SEE ME AND TAKE CARE OF ME!!?
I gave him rides everywhere.. and all he did was insult my driving and hurt my feelings.
this overweight woman walked down the street and he siad "damn and I thought you had a lot of jiggle"
..shit like that, insults.
i wont ever forget.
He used to have a drug problem and would lecture me about all the reasons I shouldnt smoke weed... I did anyways of course, im my own person ill do what I please.
he used to smoke weed constantly, and did once or twice while we were together but got mad any time at parties I did and when i admitted that i did have a little bit of a problem he was far from supportive about me slowing down.. i need someone who'll be there for me, encourage me. not be condescending and hurtful.
i dont even want to go on talking about all the negatives. I can do so much better. and I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better.. i mean damn I really am something special.
I'm VERY smart, a really good friend, im supportive and encouraging. im really funny, outgoing, gentle and sweet, genuine.. and im beautiful. and i wont doubt any of that for a second.
im not cocky. ive just let myself be treated like shit for so long and im not doing it again.
I. WANT. BETTER.
i want someone to pick me up and drive me around
take me on a fucking date
bring me donuts just because its nice.
take care of me when im sick.
do something i want to do.. for once.
i cant figure out why i didnt walk away..
i mean, my feelings were hurt all the time.. he made me feel so shitty.. and he never DID anything for me.
im giving 110%.. and he gave me maybe 35
but how we broke up is riddiculous.
I drove out there with two of my friends to pick HIM up.
he didnt say thank you.
it was my 2nd to last night in town before MOVING OUT OF STATE for college and he wanted to see a movie,
we have NEVER hung out with my friends and he tells me he just cant bear to do it.. that he wants to go see this move OR go have drinks with everyone from work.. (where he got fired from for not showing up to work after he'd already been given a second chance)
i was so hurt. why, just this once couldnt we do what I wanted to do?
I hate sitting in poolhalls and bars watching drunk 24 year olds go no where in life and blow their money away and talk shit about other people.
NO FUCKING THANK YOU.
i yelled at him, called him selfish..
called my friend from the car are vented to her about the situation and why we were no longer coming
he deleted his number from my phone and i from his and walked away.
that is cowardly, yeah.. but i would be hurt too. i was wrong for yelling and insulting.
but the EASIEST thing to do is run away.. and that is what he did. rather than talking it out.. he just ran away.
now that i look back on the way it was in the beggining i feel like its no big, i can do better and can move on no problem.
but he really started to change. he stopped insulting me (as much) he started saying please and thank you and apreciating me.. got a job.. told me he wanted to go back to school.
but those are just words and you can only :"change" for someone for so long before your true colors start to show again.
fez is an ass. he admits it. and is cool with it.
im not.
hes so fucking sensitive that he would run away crying before I ever got the chance to say any of this to his face.
so i guess i never will. but i want to. i want him to understand how i feel
i want him to actually FEEL another persons emotions besides his own and understand that you cant treat people the way he does.. hurtful and mean.
maybe i should walk away from all this like it never mattered.. the way he did to me
or maybe, i can ball up the way he didnt and say exactly what i feel.
im really glad we didnt have sex, he wasnt actully in love with me.. i really think he was just stuck on me because he HADNT slept with me and wanted to so badly.
he has/had so much potential in so many ways.
and through all that bullshit ive mentioned.. i STILL took him for EVERYTHING he was accepted him and loved him and wanted to give time to to grow, change, reach his potential, get his life together and be there for him.
but the minute he saw a side of me he didnt like he walked away. i have a temper.. im not perfect. i can be mean and hurtful. DEAL WITH IT. just like i dealt with every insult you ever hurled at me.
"ill take you for who you are if you take me for everything"
i miss him so much and i hate that i do. because he's hurt me so much and walked away from me so many times.
i miss his smile, his lips and his kiss, his eyes and the way they sparkle.. his beautiful skintone. his goofy sense of humor.. his facial expressions, falling aleep next to him.. his touch. our time together. his voice.. when he called me baby,
i guress ill get over it all. i guess ill move on.
its just not worth it, the cons just dont weigh out the pros.
im not perfect. im closed off, emotionally detached, oversensitive, stubborn, loud, and i have a temper.
but thats me. someones gotta take me for everything i am. im not perfect and i wont ever be.
i want to believe that in some way, we'll end up together.. that he'll grow and understand the way i deserve to be treated.. he'll get his shit together. and ill grow and learn how to open up, and be patient and forgiving.
but for now we are wrong for each other.. no matter how much i want him back it just doesnt matter.
i need someone whose gonna be down for me the way im down for them.
and arafath galindo just isnt it..
Every corny romantic comedy, every sappy love song with cliche lyrics.
love.
Or atleast, I think I get it.. I'm 19, I'm sure I don't know what it really is.. nor does anyone. maybe its real simple and we complicate it, I don't know.
What I do know is that I feel a ridiculous amount of feelings and emotions and since the reason wont speak to me.. I have no place to put them.
Arafath.
I started working at rockfish in february, of this year.. I was completely starting over. changing everything about myself, succussfully and for the better. calmer, sober, celebit, responsible, smarter.. in control.
I decided to be completely selfish and work on me. and he just popped into my life, fell for me really hard and wanted to be with me. I wasn't, and probably still am not ready to be a relationship.. I had such mixed feelings about him and saw a lot of early red flags as to why I shouldn't be with him.
He has this outrageous, insane absurd ex girlfriend who is TWENTYFOUR years old and causes more dramatics than kids I babysit for. shes nuts and I'm not exaggerating, or saying that because shes his ex and I don't like her, i mean she really is a complete case with zero sense of reality.
He slept on the floor of his roommate's one bedroom apartment.. and only paid them maybe a 3rd of the rent he owed them for the whole time he lived there..
he didnt have a car, or a liscence because it got suspsened for racing, and he has warrants out for his arrest. and owed his ex over 500 dollars
he smokes ciggarettes and blew all his money away drinking everynight with people from work
he's 21 and didnt go to school.. and still isnt
he moved back home, was jobless and it stayed that way for a while..
and the worst of all.. he was/is an insensitive ass who constantly insulted me and made jokes at my expense and saw no real problem with being that way because "its who he is".
WHY THE HELL WOULD SOMEONE LIKE ME EVER BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT?
well.. girls like assholes for one, thats just fact.. and two. it sounds completely pathetic but his personality and presence really captivated me, and fit well with mine.
funny.. outgoing, charismatic, down to earth.
but still... all that.. crap that was going on. all the shit he didn't have together.. and all the shit he could've so easily gotten together and worked hard to do better, be better and change. but i guess he didn't want it, or else he would have done it. I can't help someone who wont help themselves.. he wanted everything handed to him and put in no real effort to make positive, effective change.
BUT..in some weird, dissillusioned way I fell in love with him.
it sounds like it was all bad.. and believe me, a lot of it was. he was very selfish and we always did what he wanted to, except when I declined.
but it wasnt all bad. he called every day, multiple times a day. thought I was amazing and beautiful and told me so. he loved spending time with me and no one made me luagh harder or brighetened my day the way he did.
I wanted him to get his shit together..
get a good job, apartment, car.. go to school. be nice, sweet to me and supportive of me, be patient with me.
I don't think that's asking to much.
I put in so much that I just dont feel like he was greatful for.. and I DEFINETLY did not get back any of what I put in.
I would bring him donuts like a nice girlfriend. and if I said i was bringing donuts and didn't for one reason or another he would bitch about it and say "you were supposed to bring me fucking donuts"
um..BRING ME SOME DONUTS FOR ONCE!!?
i came over amd took care of him when he was sick.. bought him cough drops and advil and rubbed his back until he fell asleep.
when i was sick he told me to drive myself over so he could take care of me
COME SEE ME AND TAKE CARE OF ME!!?
I gave him rides everywhere.. and all he did was insult my driving and hurt my feelings.
this overweight woman walked down the street and he siad "damn and I thought you had a lot of jiggle"
..shit like that, insults.
i wont ever forget.
He used to have a drug problem and would lecture me about all the reasons I shouldnt smoke weed... I did anyways of course, im my own person ill do what I please.
he used to smoke weed constantly, and did once or twice while we were together but got mad any time at parties I did and when i admitted that i did have a little bit of a problem he was far from supportive about me slowing down.. i need someone who'll be there for me, encourage me. not be condescending and hurtful.
i dont even want to go on talking about all the negatives. I can do so much better. and I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better.. i mean damn I really am something special.
I'm VERY smart, a really good friend, im supportive and encouraging. im really funny, outgoing, gentle and sweet, genuine.. and im beautiful. and i wont doubt any of that for a second.
im not cocky. ive just let myself be treated like shit for so long and im not doing it again.
I. WANT. BETTER.
i want someone to pick me up and drive me around
take me on a fucking date
bring me donuts just because its nice.
take care of me when im sick.
do something i want to do.. for once.
i cant figure out why i didnt walk away..
i mean, my feelings were hurt all the time.. he made me feel so shitty.. and he never DID anything for me.
im giving 110%.. and he gave me maybe 35
but how we broke up is riddiculous.
I drove out there with two of my friends to pick HIM up.
he didnt say thank you.
it was my 2nd to last night in town before MOVING OUT OF STATE for college and he wanted to see a movie,
we have NEVER hung out with my friends and he tells me he just cant bear to do it.. that he wants to go see this move OR go have drinks with everyone from work.. (where he got fired from for not showing up to work after he'd already been given a second chance)
i was so hurt. why, just this once couldnt we do what I wanted to do?
I hate sitting in poolhalls and bars watching drunk 24 year olds go no where in life and blow their money away and talk shit about other people.
NO FUCKING THANK YOU.
i yelled at him, called him selfish..
called my friend from the car are vented to her about the situation and why we were no longer coming
he deleted his number from my phone and i from his and walked away.
that is cowardly, yeah.. but i would be hurt too. i was wrong for yelling and insulting.
but the EASIEST thing to do is run away.. and that is what he did. rather than talking it out.. he just ran away.
now that i look back on the way it was in the beggining i feel like its no big, i can do better and can move on no problem.
but he really started to change. he stopped insulting me (as much) he started saying please and thank you and apreciating me.. got a job.. told me he wanted to go back to school.
but those are just words and you can only :"change" for someone for so long before your true colors start to show again.
fez is an ass. he admits it. and is cool with it.
im not.
hes so fucking sensitive that he would run away crying before I ever got the chance to say any of this to his face.
so i guess i never will. but i want to. i want him to understand how i feel
i want him to actually FEEL another persons emotions besides his own and understand that you cant treat people the way he does.. hurtful and mean.
maybe i should walk away from all this like it never mattered.. the way he did to me
or maybe, i can ball up the way he didnt and say exactly what i feel.
im really glad we didnt have sex, he wasnt actully in love with me.. i really think he was just stuck on me because he HADNT slept with me and wanted to so badly.
he has/had so much potential in so many ways.
and through all that bullshit ive mentioned.. i STILL took him for EVERYTHING he was accepted him and loved him and wanted to give time to to grow, change, reach his potential, get his life together and be there for him.
but the minute he saw a side of me he didnt like he walked away. i have a temper.. im not perfect. i can be mean and hurtful. DEAL WITH IT. just like i dealt with every insult you ever hurled at me.
"ill take you for who you are if you take me for everything"
i miss him so much and i hate that i do. because he's hurt me so much and walked away from me so many times.
i miss his smile, his lips and his kiss, his eyes and the way they sparkle.. his beautiful skintone. his goofy sense of humor.. his facial expressions, falling aleep next to him.. his touch. our time together. his voice.. when he called me baby,
i guress ill get over it all. i guess ill move on.
its just not worth it, the cons just dont weigh out the pros.
im not perfect. im closed off, emotionally detached, oversensitive, stubborn, loud, and i have a temper.
but thats me. someones gotta take me for everything i am. im not perfect and i wont ever be.
i want to believe that in some way, we'll end up together.. that he'll grow and understand the way i deserve to be treated.. he'll get his shit together. and ill grow and learn how to open up, and be patient and forgiving.
but for now we are wrong for each other.. no matter how much i want him back it just doesnt matter.
i need someone whose gonna be down for me the way im down for them.
and arafath galindo just isnt it..