You don't screw with the King, damn it! Why does nobody seem to get this?!
(This has been on my personal LJ for a few weeks. I only just discovered this community tonight. ^^)
Somehow, I don't think Kingdom Hearts fanfiction is good for me.
First of all, I tend to read them with intent to spork. I have found very few fics that actually grab and hold my attention and that are Sue-free. I can think of one so far, and that's
tafkae's fic in progress. (She says there's another good one, but it has KHII spoilers, and seeing as I'm not done yet...yeah.) All the rest have been, without exception, pretty bad. I found a rather promising one today...but then there was a Sue...the plot was interesting, but I really don't want to wade through 53 chapters of Abused Orphan Girl-Sora Sue to find out what happens. And all the pairings the Suethor said she would do...why don't we just have an orgy of canon characters and get it over with already? Jeez.
Secondly, THE SUES. God help us THE SUES. No more on that.
Thirdly and finally, every other fic I find has King Mickey either dead or captured. I'm sorry, you can't do that to King Mickey. The only person who can beat King Mickey in melee combat is God. Maybe Solid Snake on a reeeeeeeeally good day. But a bunch of Shadow Heartless? Like hell, Suethors.
And they always take him out "before he can draw his Keyblade." What manner of bunk is this? Keyblades tend to draw themselves, and instantaneously at that. To attack a Keyblade bearer head-on and get there before he manages to draw his weapon, you'd have to be traveling faster than the speed of light. Especially if the Keyblade bearer in question is King Mickey. Man, if Kingdom Hearts had the Force, he'd be Yoda.
Yes, I know Yoda died. It does not detract from my point. Yoda was not killed by Heartless.
EDIT: After some contemplation, I have decided that Solid Snake could never defeat King Mickey. Chuck Norris, however, may have a chance.
SECOND EDIT: Y'know what? Screw Chuck Norris. King Mickey owns all. The End.