Fic: She's Walking to the End of the Line (2/2)
Title: She's Walking to the End of the Line
Author(s): kerrykhat
Artist: karahalliwell
Crossover: Veronica Mars/Supernatural
Disclaimer: "Veronica Mars" and all related characters are property of Rob Thomas and the CW. "Supernatural" and all related characters are property of Erik Kripke and the CW. No infringement intended.
Type: Gen
Word Count: ~16,300
Characters/Pairings: Veronica Mars, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls
Warnings: Character death
Spoilers: Season 3 for Veronica Mars, the pilot episode for Supernatural.
Summary: Hoping to escape the ghosts of her high school, Veronica Mars escapes to Stanford University, becoming friends with Jessica Moore, and in turn, Sam Winchester. All is normal until one fateful night in early November when everything falls apart.
Author’s Notes: I wrote this story before Supernatural 5.20, so I'm completely ignoring it. Thank you so much to akat for being an awesome beta and burningqueen for putting up with me and helping me with this story!
Link to Art Master Post: Awesome art by karahalliwell here!
Part One
October 31, 2007
"Veronica, what are you supposed to be?" Jess shouted over the blaring music. They were at one of Stanford's many Halloween parties, Jess with Sam and Veronica with her friend Alex. Jess was dressed in a sexy nurse's outfit, completely contrasting her normal state of dress--pretty much a steady stream of jeans and flannel shirts over a t-shirt of some sort. Veronica wasn't all that surprised, given how much she knew Jess loved this holiday and how it gave her a chance to step out of her comfort zone, at least for one night.
"I'm Piccasso's Blue Period," Veronica explained, twirling around to show off her costume of blue tampons attached to a blue sheet. "Get it?"
Jess shook her head in amusement and grabbed Veronica's arm. "Why am I not surprised? Come on, we've got a table," she yelled, dragging Veronica towards a corner of the room, followed by Alex, who was dressed as a pirate. "We're celebrating tonight!"
"Why are we celebrating?" Veronica yelled back, straining to hear Jess' voice over all the noise. "Did you win the lotto or something?"
"I'll tell you when Sam comes back with drinks!" Jess shouted back, perching on one of the empty stools, an ecstatic look on her face. Veronica smiled at her friend as her boyfriend of one year returned, laden with drinks. Jess shot him a smile of thanks, which he returned. Veronica rolled her eyes.
"Do you have any water to cut the cloying sweetness?" she asked, mock gagging. Jess shot Veronica a dirty look before planting a large kiss on Sam's lips. "So you never actually told me what we're celebrating," Veronica continued, taking a swig of her drink.
"Sam got a 174 on his LSAT!" Jess hollered, draping her arm around Sam's neck. "He has an interview with Stanford Law School on Monday!"
"Wow, very nice!" Alex exclaimed, lifting up his eyepatch so that he could see with both eyes. "Congrats, man. You could easily get into Yale Law with that score and your grades."
"Thanks," Sam mumbled, looking down at his hands. "I'm not too sure about how the interview will go."
"Don't be ridiculous," Jess admonished him, sending him an annoyed look. "You'll blow them out of the water and get that full ride."
"Here's to Sam!" Veronica toasted, lifting up her cup, while Sam grinned modestly. Everybody else joined in the toast and congratulated Sam on his good luck.
"Sam, where's the costume?" Veronica asked later that evening, noticing his distinct lack of dressing up. "Where's your Halloween spirit? No pun intended," she added hastily.
"I don't like Halloween," he explained sheepishly. "It wasn't something I really grew up with, and I've just never really been a fan of it."
"Was your dad some sort of fundamentalist or something?" Veronica inquired, wondering if Sam's dad was along the lines of Meg's parents. It was hard for her to imagine somebody growing up without Halloween in any other circumstance.
"Not in the way that you would really understand," Sam answered with a bitter laugh.
Veronica frowned slightly, a little disturbed by this. Sam, for the most part, was a sweet guy and utterly adored Jess, but there were times when a hardened man would show through, with a type of weariness that Veronica had only seen in older law enforcement officers who had seen one death too many. Sam didn't ever really talk about his past, other than that he was estranged from his father and brother, and Jess had never really felt the need to ask for more information. There were times, however, when Veronica was severely tempted to dig deeper and puzzle out the contradictions that were Sam Winchester.
Veronica and Alex left about an hour later, laughing loudly at a dead lawyer joke that Jess had told in Sam's presence. Sam had groaned, reminding Jess that he didn't tell hippy jokes around her.
"Those two are too damn cute for their own good," Alex commented, linking his arm with Veronica's.
"There are times when I'm afraid they would combust due to too much adorable contained in such a relatively small area," Veronica confirmed, shivering slightly in the chill night air. Even with her coat on, the damp air cut through the layers and straight to her skin. She almost pitied the countless girls on campus where were more scantily clad than she was. They were almost back at Toyon Hall when Veronica stopped suddenly, something catching her eye.
"What's the matter?" Alex asked, looking at Veronica in concern.
"Just a feeling that I've seen that car before," Veronica replied, studying the sleek black muscle car with a frown on her face. "It's not that important," she added with a shake of her head after staring at the car for another moment. "I'm probably just imagining things."
Fortunately, Veronica's roommate was still out partying when she got back to her room, giving her a bit of privacy to do some research on a case. Toward the end of the last school year, Veronica had taken her PI exam and had scored a 95, allowing her to begin the process of getting certified in the state of California. Very few people at Stanford were aware of this, but Veronica had since started to work with a local PI, taking some of the smaller cases as a way to earn some extra money. Her father had been concerned, but there was little that he could legitimately do, other than advise her to make sure her taser had full batteries and that she had an extra can of mace on her at all times. So far, none of the cases that had passed through the office were as dangerous as the ones her father had handled, but she wasn't taking anything for granted at this point.
At least we're officially a one PI family right now, she thought wryly.
Don Lamb, the ever obnoxious thorn in her side, had been murdered while chasing a fugitive in March. Her father had been appointed sheriff and had somehow managed to beat back Vinnie Van Lowe in a special election. Although Veronica--and many other Neptune citizens--were happy to see Keith back in office, part of her missed the relative freedom that they'd had when he was working as a private investigator. It was nice to take the cases that they wanted to take and be free operators. The plus side was that he was getting paid more now, which meant fewer student loans for Veronica.
Logging on to her computer, she grimaced a little when an email from Logan popped up in her inbox. As hard as they both had tried, the relationship had petered out last year, leading to an awkward breakup around spring break. They had both agreed that the relationship wasn't working for either of them, but it didn't make things any less painful. Her friends had been there for her, however, especially Wallace and Mac--who had actually threatened to hijack Logan's GPA before Veronica talked her down. There has been a significant period of silence between the two of them, but now they were tentatively trying to build a friendship out of the ruins of their relationship. The emails were awkward and stilted, but neither of them was willing to give up just yet.
Not wanting to deal with the email until she had a little more sleep, Veronica exited her account and pulled up the files that she needed.
Her latest case was pretty run of the mill--a businessman concerned that his partner was taking more than his fair share of the profits and doctoring the books to hide it--so Veronica was going over the partner's expenses to see if there was anything there that flagged any alarms. As of now, the only worrying things that Veronica could see were some investments in companies that she or her boss hadn't had a chance to look into fully, though she had a hunch that they were shell companies to hide the diverted funds.
About an hour later, she closed her laptop with a yawn. There wasn't anything else she could do tonight, not without having some more resources to look into those questionable businesses. For the most part, she didn't do her work in her room, given that she didn't have a room completely to herself, but given that Mr. Kelling wanted this done by Monday, she really had no other option, other than trekking into the office on a Saturday, which she wasn't too keen on. She had hit a wall, though, so she would have to talk to Mr. Kelling on Monday about it and they could figure out where to go from there. For now, however, all she wanted to do was sleep for about ten hours before getting started on her urban sociology paper.
The next morning, Veronica woke up to see a light on her cell phone flashing rather incessantly. Groaning, she reached for the phone and squinted in order to get the symbols into focus. She managed to make out Jess' name on the view screen, along with the ungodly hour which she had called. Hoping that the call hadn't been that urgent, Veronica called her friend back.
"Veronica, can you come over some time today?" Jess asked when she picked up the phone. She sounded agitated, which caused Veronica to frown. Had something happened in the few hours since she had last seen her friend that had upset her?
"Jess, is everything OK?" she asked cautiously, running her hand through her rumpled hair and grimacing on the time displayed on her alarm clock. Fortunately, Lizzie slept like the living dead, which made Veronica feel slightly less guilty about being on the phone this early in the morning.
"I... I don't know," Jess answered, sounding unsure, which only made Veronica even more worried about her friend. In all the time she had known Jess, she had never sounded this way. "Can you just come over whenever you can? Please?"
"Give me an hour and I'll be over," Veronica replied, thinking of what she needed to do in that time. Shower, grab books and notes, possibly food--although coffee was non-negotiable.
"I really appreciate this, Veronica," Jess thanked her. "I'll see you then, OK?"
Veronica contemplated the phone for a few more moments after hanging up. Something was going on, but for the life of her, she couldn't guess what it was. She was getting a feeling, nothing more, that a storm was about to break, but she didn't know who or what was causing it. Shrugging it off, she gathered up her towel and shower caddy and went to go get ready for the day ahead of her.
Almost exactly an hour later, Veronica was climbing the stairs to Jess and Sam's small apartment. Although the university, for the most part, discouraged couples from getting rooms together in the event of a messy breakup, Sam and Jess had somehow managed to pull it off for this year. Jess yanked the door open at Veronica's first knock, as if she had been waiting by the door for her friend to come.
"Did you get any sleep last night?" Veronica asked, stepping inside and examining her friend. She was still wearing her pajamas which consisted of a pair of running shorts and a Smurfs t-shirt, and there were dark-bags under her eyes. "Where's Sam?" she continued, realizing that she would have normally seen him by now if he were here. "Did something happen between the two of you?" She took in the messed-up room with a critical eye, noting the scattered magazines on the floor. This was out of the ordinary, and it worried her.
"I don't know," Jess answered with a sigh, collapsing into one of the chairs and burying her face in her hands.
"What happened?" Veronica questioned, sitting down next to her. Jess didn't answer for a moment, almost as if collecting her thoughts.
"There was a noise," she finally answered. "Out here in the living room, so Sam grabbed the baseball bat to see who it was. There was a short fight, and when I went out to see what was going on, it turned out it was Sam's older brother, Dean."
"Wait, Sam's brother broke in?" Veronica asked, slightly incredulously. Of all the people she would have expected, a member of Sam's wayward family was near the bottom of the list. "Was there any particular reason for his mode of entry, or was he just feeling particularly adventurous?"
"I have no idea," Jess uncharacteristically snapped. "It's hard to even believe he and Sam are related. He was just so..." she paused, trying to search for the right word. "So sleezy. I mean, he used the line, 'I love the Smurfs' on me, while Sam was standing right there."
"Sounds like a real winner," Veronica commented dryly, imagining this scene with Dean Winchester looking an awfully lot like Dick Casablancas. "You obviously chose the wrong Winchester to date. There has to be something other than a bad pick up line to have you this agitated, Jess. What else happened?"
"So, not only does he break in to our home, he then tells Sam that he needs Sam to go with him to find their father," Jess continued, lifting her face out of her hands to look at Veronica. "This of course, is after Sam tells Dean that anything Dean has to say can be said to the both of us. But Dean then tells Sam that their father was on some kind of hunting trip, and all of a sudden, Sam shuts me out and goes outside to talk with Dean. He then comes back in and tells me he's going with Dean, and that he'll be back here by Monday in time for his interview! And the look in his eyes when he said that..." Jess' voice trailed off and she looked down at her hands before looking back up to meet Veronica's eyes. "They were so distant, Veronica. It was like I didn't even know him."
Veronica didn't say anything at first, absorbing what Jess had told her. "That's... not like Sam at all," she finally commented, still turning it over in her head. It was fairly obvious to anybody with eyes to notice that Sam always got a peculiar look on his face when his family was brought up, but this was... this was definitely not what she would have seen Sam doing in a situation like this. "Did he give you anything other than he was going to find his father?"
"Are you trying to turn this into a case, Veronica?" Jess questioned, looking at Veronica with a shocked look on her face.
"Do you want me to?" Veronica shot back, crossing her arms. "You know I can, with a few key strokes, open up Sam Winchester's life like an open book. Every magazine subscription, parking ticket, financial transaction... I might even be able to figure out what's going on between him and his brother."
"No! I... I trust Sam," Jess stated, shooting up out of the chair and walking towards the window. "I know you have to work with people who don't trust each other, Veronica, but that doesn't mean that everybody's like that! I'm not going to invade his privacy when he's given me no real reason to do that. He wouldn't do that to me, so I'm not going to do that with him."
Veronica remained silent. In her opinion, the instant Sam started acting so drastically out of character was a prime moment when doing a little sleuthing was perfectly justified. But that was her opinion, however, and she didn't feel like trying and failing to get Jess to see it that way. For good or bad, if Jess was one thing, it was that she was stubborn as all hell.
"If that's what you want, Jess, so be it," Veronica conceded, getting up to stand by her friend. "I'll respect his privacy like you want, but I think, given my experiences, that when there's such a change in a person's personality, you're well within your rights to be suspicious."
"You would say that, Veronica," Jess answered with a bitter laugh. "You always see the shadows and the hidden motives in everything everybody does. I don't see the world that way, and I'm not about to."
Knowing that it would be best to drop this subject, Veronica abruptly shifted gears. "You know what I think this day calls for?" she asked. "I think we should go get a tub of Ben and Jerry's and then share it while doing homework. After that, we can go rent the sappiest chick flicks imaginable and have a girls night with Pat, Kelsey, Lizzie, and Tanya. Sound like a plan?" Veronica really didn't do girls' nights, but she knew that Jess liked them, and she was willing to waste an evening on romantic comedies and gossip if only to get her friend in a better state of mind.
"You hate girls' nights," Jess pointed out, but with a hint of a smile on her face.
"I'm thinking of it as a short-term pain in my ass for a longer-term investment of not seeing you mope around this apartment for the entire weekend," Veronica countered, returning Jess' smile. "What do you say? You, me, a tub of Chunky Monkey in the student union?"
"Change Chunky Monkey to Fossil Fuel, and you have yourself a deal," Jess answered with a wavering smile. "Give me some time to shower and change, and then I'll be good to go."
"Take your time," Veronica replied with a wave of her hand. Jess went back into her room, leaving Veronica alone in the living room. She circled the room a few times, trying to sort out her thoughts.
Her father had always told her that if she had a hunch, she should follow it and sometimes have to damn the potential consequences. She didn't know why, but she had a hunch on this, that she should look into Sam Winchester's past and see what skeletons were rattling around in his closet. But therein lay the dilemma. She didn't want to risk her friendship with Jess by searching through Sam's past when she had told Veronica not to.
"What would you do, Dad?" she whispered, sitting back down and staring at a spot on the floor. Unfortunately, the floor had no answers for her, so she was still looking blankly at it when Jess emerged from her room showered and dressed.
"You ready to roll?" she asked, twisting her long blonde hair into a bun.
"Yep, good to go," Veronica answered brightly, shoving all of her worries to a dark corner in the back of her mind. She'd think about them later--for now, all she really wanted to do was eat ice cream and procrastinate on that paper.
~*~*~
The next night found Veronica sitting in her car across the street from a seedy looking motel in East Palo Alto, camera in hand and cookies on the seat next to her, courtesy of Jess, who had gone on a cookie baking binge earlier that day. Veronica wasn't going to complain, however, since it meant that Veronica had something to snack on while she waited for her target to leave the motel with the woman the wife was cheating on her husband with. Glancing at the clock, Veronica silently urged the woman to hurry up her illicit tryst and get the hell out of the hotel. She wanted to get some sleep before her morning class tomorrow.
While I'm wishing for things, I can wish Mr. Kelling would give me a raise and that my dad would get me that pony I've always wanted, she thought sourly, taking a drink of coffee in between bites of cookie. She originally hadn't been scheduled to take this stakeout, but something had come up for Mr. Kelling, leaving her the only one available. The least he can do is pay me a nice fat bonus if I get the money shot.
Finally, after what felt like sitting too damn long in the chilly car, Veronica spotted movement. "Say hello to large divorce pay-out," she muttered, raising her camera and snapping a few photos of the woman passionately kissing her lover goodbye. Veronica waited until the woman was in her car and driving away before starting her engine. Teeth chattering slightly, she waited until the heat had a chance to work a little before beginning the relatively short drive home.
She had just reached Campus Drive when she noticed the flashing lights of an emergency vehicle. Pulling over, she watched with a pit in her stomach as it raced towards Mirrielees House. Taking a deep breath, she gently pressed her foot on the gas pedal and followed the fire truck. It didn't take long for her to see the fire--if she didn't know better, she would have sworn the entire building was in flames. It wasn't, but a good half of the wall blazed away, despite the firefighters' best attempts to beat back the fire.
That's where Jess and Sam's place is, she noted, the pit growing exponentially.
Stopping her car, Veronica lurched out onto the street, her eyes drawn to the flickering light the fire was giving in the dark night sky. Tearing her gaze away, she searched through the crowd with her eyes, becoming more and more frantic when she realized that neither Jess nor Sam was among those huddled in the cold night air.
"Which apartment caught on fire?" she asked one of the fellow onlookers, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice. "Which one?" she asked again, doing her best not to scream at the idiot before her.
"I-I don't know," he stammered, looking at her with fear on his face. "They didn't tell us."
Veronica turned away from him. He was useless. She needed information. She needed to know that her friends were alright. She went to the next person and the next, but neither of them had any information for her.
"Pat!" she shouted, spying one of Jess' friends who lived in the complex with them. "Pat! Do you know where Jess is?" Pat, barefoot and dressed in her pajamas, rushed over to Veronica, gripping her arm tightly.
"No, I can't find her!" Pat yelled back, an almost crazed look in her eyes. "I haven't been able to find her, and I overheard one of the firefighters say that the fire came from her and Sam's place, and I don't know and I can't find her, Veronica!" The last part came out as a sob as Pat buried her face in her hands. Veronica could only stare helplessly as the flames continued to consume the apartment building, apparently undeterred by the firefighter's best efforts. The fire danced as if it had a life of its own, determined to live as long as possible and cause whatever damage that it could.
"Get everybody back!" one of the head firefighters shouted, gesturing wildly at the crowd.
Veronica remained still, unable to move. "No," she whispered, tears starting to run down her face. "This can't be happening." This couldn't be happening, not to Jess, not to her best friend who loved walking in the rain, baking cookies for her boyfriend, or who would shout at the TV during baseball games. Not to Jess.
"Miss! We need you to get back." One of the firefighters was gripping her arm, pulling her back to safety. Veronica felt her feet move, taking the rest of her body with her. She couldn't, however, take her eyes away from the flames, those damn bright, all-consuming flames.
~*~*~
...University officials are still at a loss to explain what caused the sudden fire early this morning that all but gutted the Mirrielees Apartment complex on campus. There have been two confirmed deaths in the fire --junior Edward Fagan and senior Jessica Moore--as well at several students who escaped the fire with severe burns. Arson is suspected...
Veronica could distantly hear the television report drone on in the background. Veronica didn't know how, but she had somehow driven back to her dorm and returned to her room. Those ten minutes were such a blur to her, she was lucky she had arrived back here in one piece. Now, she was in her room with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, shivering uncontrollably, her thoughts on repeat: Jess was dead. Jess, the first friend she had made here at Stanford, was dead, burned almost beyond recognition in the fire that had consumed her home while she had been waiting for Sam to return. Lizzie sat next to Veronica, shooting her concerned looks every now and then, but otherwise remaining silent.
I should be used to this by now, Veronica thought bitterly, pulling the blanket a little tighter around her. Lily, Meg, the students on the bus... It was almost as if Death was stalking her, targeting those around her, but leaving her physically unscathed but mentally a wreck. If life was a person, she was its punching bag.
"I'll let your professors know that you won't be coming in today," Lizzie finally said after a lengthy pause.
"No!" Veronica protested violently, shooting to her feet. " I need to go! I need for something in my day to be normal and to make sense! I can't..." She paused, her throat tightening. "I need to get through this day, and I can't if I'm just sitting here in this room, watching that fire in my head, over and over again!" She raised her arms, just barely resisting the urge to slam her fist into the wall, although part of her welcomed the pain. She felt hollow, so damn hollow, just like she had after Lily died.
"Veronica!" Lizzie shot up and grabbed her arms. "You're in shock! You're not thinking clearly!"
"I'm thinking just fine, Lizzie!" Veronica objected, trying to get free, only to have Lizzie tighten her grip. "The more I sit here and wallow and think, the worse it's going to get! I'll just keep thinking about it, and what I could have done and going over it all the time! I need to do something. I need... I need to keep busy, and right now, school's the only thing that's going to keep me even remotely sane."
"And what happens then, Veronica?" Lizzie shouted, giving Veronica a small shake. "What happens when you can't hide behind the work and it all comes back? What are you going to do then?"
"I'll figure it out when I get there," Veronica answered, jerking out of Lizzie's grip. "But right now, I'm going to class. I'm going to go to work. I'm going to drive myself into the ground if it helps me get to sleep at night, because that's the only damn way I'll be able to sleep." She was close to tears, so close to collapsing on the ground and screaming in pain at the unfairness of it all. "Having something to do is the only way I'll be able to hold myself together, Lizzie," she added in a quiet, almost strangled voice.
Lizzie was silent for a moment before exhaling quietly. "Fine," she conceded, turning and walking to the door connecting their rooms. "But just know that others aren't going to view it the same way."
Veronica waited until Lizzie had shut the door before grabbing her shower caddy and nearly running to the bathroom. She didn't know if she was imagining this or not, but she could feel the ash from the fire in her skin, in her hair. She could still smell the smoke and hear the crackling of the wood being devoured.
Turning on the water to as hot as she could reasonably manage, she still let out a sharp gasp when it hit her skin, turning it red. It gradually became redder as she continued to scrub, futilely trying to get the smell of smoke off of her skin. Throwing the washcloth on the ground in frustration, she leaned against the wall and began to sob.
It's not fair! she thought, her shoulders shaking and tears running down her face. Why Jess? Why did it have to be Jess? The water had no answers for her.
~*~*~
"Miss Mars, thank you for meeting with me," the Dean said, gesturing to the chair across the desk from her. It had only been a day, and already she was being called in to talk to the higher ups.
"It's not like you left me much choice, Dean Griggs," she answered, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice. She didn't want to talk about what had happened to Jess. She had other things she could be doing, like staying up as late as she could to avoid the dreams she knew would inevitably come.
"I know you were close with Jessica Moore, Veronica," Dean Griggs continued, changing tactics. "I also know that when somebody close to you dies in such a violent manner, it helps to have somebody to talk to."
"Let me guess, you're advising that I go to one of the grief counselors that the university has," Veronica bit out, feeling slightly offended at the false understanding in the Dean's voice. Griggs had no idea what this was like, what kind of hell it was for her. "Where I talk about my feelings and how this all has affected me."
"I don't think you're giving our counselors a fair chance, Veronica" the Dean answered in a measured voice. Veronica rolled her eyes at this statement.
"If you've even done more than glance at my file, you should know that I have a pretty good idea what I'm in for," Veronica stated, pointing at the folder on the table. "They did no use then, and they aren't going to do any good now. I know what I need to do in order to get through this."
"And that is?"
"Doing whatever I need to do to not to dwell on it," Veronica answered tightly, meeting the Dean's eyes. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a class I need to get to." Griggs narrowed her eyes, but otherwise didn't say anything as Veronica stood up to leave.
Veronica was almost out of the door when the Dean's voice stopped her. "Bottling up your emotions isn't healthy, Veronica," Griggs stated.
"I'll take that into consideration," Veronica replied in a calmer voice than she would have expected given the circumstances. "Have a nice day." With that that, she turned around and finally fled the office and headed out towards the street. She didn't have a class right now, but she had needed a believable excuse to escape from the Dean.
As soon as she began walking down the street, everything started to become a blur, except for the lingering feeling of heat on her skin and the smell of smoke. She began walking faster, trying to escape without drawing too much attention to herself. She had somehow managed to survive her classes, but that was only by having something to focus her mind on. Now.. now she was on her own, and all she could think about was the fire and Jess' death.
Veronica reached her room without even realizing she had entered the building. Closing her eyes, she did her best to calm her breathing and fight back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. Breathe, she reminded herself. Just keep breathing.
The shrill ring of her phone snapped her out of her reverie. Frowning, she dug through her bag and pulled it out.
"Pat?" she answered after glancing at the display.
"Have you seen Sam at all?" Pat demanded, sounding like she was doing her best to stay under control and failing. "I heard that somebody had seen him outside the building with a guy nobody recognized, but he's gone."
"Wait, gone?" Veronica repeated stupidly, her sleep-deprived and shock-addled trying to sort out what Pat had just said.
"Yes, gone, Veronica," Pat repeated impatiently. "I've tried calling his cell, but he's not picking up. He has to know that Jess is dead, right? I mean, that has to be the reason why he would just leave, especially the day of his interview. Has he called you at all?"
"No, he hasn't," Veronica answered, closing her eyes again. Frak, she swore silently, using the favorite swear word of her RA from last year. "Do you want me to look into it?" she asked in a hollow voice.
Sam. She hadn't even thought about Sam's absence at the fire. She had just assumed that he hadn't been back yet, and when he hadn't been listed as one of the two people dead, she had shoved it to the back of her mind. It was one of the many things she had on a list to worry about later--like how to tell him his girlfriend was dead. It looked like that was taken care of.
"What can you really do?" Pat asked, a little harshly, which caused Veronica to bristle at the implied accusation. "What good are his records going to do when he won't even return my calls?"
"Maybe he's trying to find a way to cope, just like the rest of are, Pat!" Veronica snapped back. "Maybe he's taking a leave of absence. Maybe he's trying to run away from it. I have no frakking idea. What I can do is dump all of his history and try and find out where he could be going. It's better than just asking around when he's obviously not here."
There was an uncomfortable pause. "Look, I was just asking if you had seen him at all," Pat finally stated. "If you want to go all Nancy Drew on him go ahead. That's your prerogative." Pat ended the call, leaving Veronica clutching the phone tightly in her hand and trying her best not to throw it at the wall in frustration and anger.
Fuck you, Pat, she thought angrily. She knew that Pat was also in shock from what had happened, but that was was just a low, unnecessary blow.
A knock on the door brought her attention back to the present. Opening the door, she stared in shock at the person standing on the other side. "Dad?" she asked in a small voice.
"Hey, sweetie," he replied, stepping inside. "I heard what happened to your friend and I came here as fast as I could." Veronica didn't say anything; she just wrapped her arms around her father. "What do you need, Veronica?" he asked gently
"Just for things to make sense again," she answered, her voice thick with unshed tears. Keith returned the hug, holding her tight. "Why did it have to be Jess?" she asked, voicing the question that had been plaguing her all day. "Why? She didn't deserve this!" Her shoulders began to shake as she started crying into her dad's shirt.
"I don't know, sweetie," he answered honestly, offering what comfort he could. "I just don't know."
She didn't know how long she stood there in her father's arms, crying her heart out, but by the time she stopped, the hole in her heart no longer felt as gaping.
~*~*~
The next week was so bad, it only trailed the weeks following Lily's death and when her mother had walked out on her and her father as being the worst in her life. That wasn't saying a whole lot, though, considering how traumatic both those weeks had been. The only thing that kept Veronica sane was her throwing herself into whatever work she could find, trying to find ways to occupy her mind at all times.
Sam had officially withdrawn from Stanford. This wasn't publicly announced, but Veronica had her sources inside the Registrar's Office who gave her what information she wanted in return for taking care of some potentially incriminating pictures that would have ruined her chance to compete for Miss California. Veronica was still meaning to run Sam's name through the PI database, but she needed to get everything else under control first.
Veronica and Pat had tentatively apologized to each other the next day. It was awkward and slightly forced on both sides, and Veronica had no doubt that she and Pat would be having very little to do with each other in the future. The only way that they had ever interacted with each other was through Jess, and now that the only tie between them was broken, there was little to no reason for them to remain close.
Surprisingly, the only person other than Keith who seemed to understand her need to keep busy was Mr. Kelling. The nondescript little man that she worked for, rather than suggesting that she take a leave of absence or vacation or anything like that, had quietly given her more time-consuming cases to work on with an understanding smile on his face.
"Just thought you might like to take a look at these cases," he told her when she had gone to see him about the stack of folders on her desk. "Let me know if that's too much, and we can work something out."
"Thank you, Mr. Kelling," she said earnestly, the protective numbness lessing for a moment. That was the only acknowledgment he had made of Jess' death, and she was grateful for that.
Despite how hard she was driving herself with school, work, and the Daily Cardinal, she still couldn't avoid the nightmares that haunted her every night. She was standing outside the apartments again, but this time, she could hear Jess' screams of pain and smell the charred flesh. She was trapped, powerless to help save her friend. Those nightmares always left her waking up, gasping for air and trying to fight back tears.
One week later, while at work, she pulled up the PI database that she had installed on her computer. Veronica had been putting this off, partly out of respect for Jess' memory and her wishes, but also because she was afraid of what she might find in Sam's past. Fingers shaking, she typed in "Samuel Winchester," along with his date of birth. She paused for a moment before resolutely pressing down the mouse button on her laptop. She stared at the screen while it processed her request. It was taking slightly longer than searches normally took, which both worried and puzzled her.
"Come on," she muttered, silently urging it to run faster.
Finally, the results popped up on her screen, newest to oldest. Scrolling through the list, there was nothing too eye-catching at first--just a list of expenses, subscriptions, and academic honors that Sam had accumulated while at Stanford. The only remotely interesting thing was that he stayed on campus during most breaks until his junior year, which was something that she had already known. Once she hit his high school years, however, that's when things started getting interesting.
"How the hell did you manage to graduate from high school, Sam?" she muttered, looking at the sheer amount of schools he had been enrolled in, many only for a few weeks at a time. From the looks of it, this had been going on for his entire academic career up until college. There were times when they would stay longer, but those were few and far between. His criminal record was clean, although she was tempted to run both his father and brother's names through just to see what came up. Arriving at the end of the search results, she froze.
"Local woman dies in tragic fire," was the last result, a headline from the Lawrence newspaper from many years ago. Fingers shaking, Veronica clicked on the link, pulling up the article.
"Despite the best effort of local firefighters, local woman Mary Winchester died in a tragic fire that nearly destroyed her home. Investigators are puzzled as to what started the fire, which appears to have originated in the nursery of her six-month old son. She is survived by her husband, John, as well as her two sons, Sam and Dean." The article continued on, but Veronica kept staring at the first paragraph.
This can't be a coincidence, she thought, drumming her fingers on a table. She needed to get copies of both reports, but she had a hunch that they would be almost exactly the same. Pulling up another screen, she put in a request to have the fire investigation reports sent to her as soon as possible. She also sent Sam an email with the message line of "URGENT!", hoping that he would get the hint and get back to her.
The reports didn't arrive until the next day while she was in class. Glancing around to make sure nobody was looking, she opened both of the reports and placed them side by side. They were practically identical, with one surprising feature: both fires had originated from the ceiling and had spread almost impossibly fast without the use of an accelerant.
What the hell? she thought, staring at the screen in confusion.
There was no logical explanation for how this could have happened. Even though Veronica's knowledge of how fires were started and spread was pretty nonexistent, she knew enough to realize that unless this was an especially clever arsonist with a vendetta against the Winchesters--which still could be a distant possibility--there were simply no other explanations.
This conundrum stayed in her mind throughout the day, never leaving her thoughts for more than a few seconds. No possible explanation she came up with made any sense given the facts that she had.
Later that night, Veronica was in her room, sitting on her bed, still staring at the printouts of the two reports with a red pen in her hand and no closer to figuring this mystery out.
"Veronica, are you alright?" Lizzie asked. "You've been staring at those sheets of paper all night."
"Just a puzzle that I'm having problems solving, that's all," Veronica answered absently.
"Try sleeping on it," Lizzie suggested, leaning against the doorway. "I know that always helps me when I'm having problems with something, and I know you haven't been sleeping well lately."
Veronica was about to protest when a massive yawn interrupted her. "Maybe sleep might be a good idea," she admitted, rubbing her eyes wearily.
Lizzie nodded and went back into her room, shutting the door firmly behind her.
~*~*~
This is weird, Veronica thought, standing in the middle of the Main Quad, right in front of the Memorial Chapel. The normally bustling center of campus was eerily empty, with the full moon bathing everything in a soft, silvery light. Also odd was the fact that the door to the Chapel was propped open, despite the fact that it was normally locked at night. Taking a deep breath, she entered the deserted building, her footsteps echoing as she approached the altar. The moonlight shone in weakly through the elaborate stained glass windows depicting the life of Christ, creating a colorful, yet ghostly atmosphere.
"It's quite different at night, Veronica, wouldn't you agree?" a familiar voice asked from behind her.
Whipping around, Veronica bit back a gasp when she saw the voice's source: sitting in the center of the chapel was Jessica, looking exactly as she had the last time Veronica saw her.
"No," Veronica whispered in shock. "You're dead."
"Good thing this is a dream then, because otherwise I think it would be a sign of the apocalypse," Jess answered, gesturing for Veronica to come closer.
"But, why?" Veronica asked, walking towards her friend without hesitation.
"Like this is the first time you've had a dead friend come to you in your dreams," Jess answered with a wave of her hand. "And don't ask me how I know that," she continued as Veronica opened her mouth. "I just do."
Veronica nodded dumbly, thinking back to her junior year when Lily would show up in her dreams from time to time, dropping cryptic riddles and fashion tips at the same time.
"it doesn't make sense," Veronica finally said, sitting down next to Jess, looking at the back of the pew in front of them. "Nothing about what happened makes any sense, Jess."
There was a lengthy pause. "It's not going to make sense for a while, Veronica," Jess finally answered. "You're going to need to keep digging if you want to find the truth."
"Thanks for the tip," Veronica replied with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Hard to get to that conclusion on my own."
"Sam's at the center of all of this," Jess continued as if she hadn't heard Veronica's interruption. "If you find Sam, if you talk to Sam, you'll learn everything that you want to know about what happened the night of the fire."
"Oh, that's so simple!" Veronica exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "Why, that's so easy, given that Sam's basically dropped off the face of the earth!"
"Well, that just means you'll need to dedicate a little more time to finding him," Jess answered with a smirk on her face. "I never said it was going to be easy. I have faith that you can do this, Veronica."
Veronica turned her head to look at her friend. "So, you're hiring me to track down your wayward boyfriend?" she asked. "I thought you didn't want me prying into his past."
"Well, considering you have the search results saved to your hard drive, I think we're a little past that," Jess said, getting to her feet. "I'll be seeing you around, Veronica. Good luck."
~*~*~
Veronica's eyes snapped open at the sound of her alarm blaring at her across the room. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes wearily, trying to sort out the weird dream she just woke up from. She had been in the Chapel, Jess was there, telling her that she had to find Sam. It had been just like the dreams she used to have when she was looking into Lily's death.
Shutting off her alarm, she turned to look at the two pieces of paper that were sitting on her desk. According to her dream, Sam Winchester was at the center of all of this--of the fires, of Jess' death, of all the questions that she needed answered.
Opening up her computer, Veronica pulled up the PI database. "Alright, Sam Winchester," she muttered, entering in Dean Winchester's name and hitting "enter." "Let the games begin."
Only God says jump
Some set the time
'Cause if he ever saw her
It was through these eyes of mine!
And if he ever suffered it was me who did his crying.
Hey, hey, good-bye.
Tomorrow, Wendy by Concrete Blonde
Author(s): kerrykhat
Artist: karahalliwell
Crossover: Veronica Mars/Supernatural
Disclaimer: "Veronica Mars" and all related characters are property of Rob Thomas and the CW. "Supernatural" and all related characters are property of Erik Kripke and the CW. No infringement intended.
Type: Gen
Word Count: ~16,300
Characters/Pairings: Veronica Mars, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls
Warnings: Character death
Spoilers: Season 3 for Veronica Mars, the pilot episode for Supernatural.
Summary: Hoping to escape the ghosts of her high school, Veronica Mars escapes to Stanford University, becoming friends with Jessica Moore, and in turn, Sam Winchester. All is normal until one fateful night in early November when everything falls apart.
Author’s Notes: I wrote this story before Supernatural 5.20, so I'm completely ignoring it. Thank you so much to akat for being an awesome beta and burningqueen for putting up with me and helping me with this story!
Link to Art Master Post: Awesome art by karahalliwell here!
Part One
October 31, 2007
"Veronica, what are you supposed to be?" Jess shouted over the blaring music. They were at one of Stanford's many Halloween parties, Jess with Sam and Veronica with her friend Alex. Jess was dressed in a sexy nurse's outfit, completely contrasting her normal state of dress--pretty much a steady stream of jeans and flannel shirts over a t-shirt of some sort. Veronica wasn't all that surprised, given how much she knew Jess loved this holiday and how it gave her a chance to step out of her comfort zone, at least for one night.
"I'm Piccasso's Blue Period," Veronica explained, twirling around to show off her costume of blue tampons attached to a blue sheet. "Get it?"
Jess shook her head in amusement and grabbed Veronica's arm. "Why am I not surprised? Come on, we've got a table," she yelled, dragging Veronica towards a corner of the room, followed by Alex, who was dressed as a pirate. "We're celebrating tonight!"
"Why are we celebrating?" Veronica yelled back, straining to hear Jess' voice over all the noise. "Did you win the lotto or something?"
"I'll tell you when Sam comes back with drinks!" Jess shouted back, perching on one of the empty stools, an ecstatic look on her face. Veronica smiled at her friend as her boyfriend of one year returned, laden with drinks. Jess shot him a smile of thanks, which he returned. Veronica rolled her eyes.
"Do you have any water to cut the cloying sweetness?" she asked, mock gagging. Jess shot Veronica a dirty look before planting a large kiss on Sam's lips. "So you never actually told me what we're celebrating," Veronica continued, taking a swig of her drink.
"Sam got a 174 on his LSAT!" Jess hollered, draping her arm around Sam's neck. "He has an interview with Stanford Law School on Monday!"
"Wow, very nice!" Alex exclaimed, lifting up his eyepatch so that he could see with both eyes. "Congrats, man. You could easily get into Yale Law with that score and your grades."
"Thanks," Sam mumbled, looking down at his hands. "I'm not too sure about how the interview will go."
"Don't be ridiculous," Jess admonished him, sending him an annoyed look. "You'll blow them out of the water and get that full ride."
"Here's to Sam!" Veronica toasted, lifting up her cup, while Sam grinned modestly. Everybody else joined in the toast and congratulated Sam on his good luck.
"Sam, where's the costume?" Veronica asked later that evening, noticing his distinct lack of dressing up. "Where's your Halloween spirit? No pun intended," she added hastily.
"I don't like Halloween," he explained sheepishly. "It wasn't something I really grew up with, and I've just never really been a fan of it."
"Was your dad some sort of fundamentalist or something?" Veronica inquired, wondering if Sam's dad was along the lines of Meg's parents. It was hard for her to imagine somebody growing up without Halloween in any other circumstance.
"Not in the way that you would really understand," Sam answered with a bitter laugh.
Veronica frowned slightly, a little disturbed by this. Sam, for the most part, was a sweet guy and utterly adored Jess, but there were times when a hardened man would show through, with a type of weariness that Veronica had only seen in older law enforcement officers who had seen one death too many. Sam didn't ever really talk about his past, other than that he was estranged from his father and brother, and Jess had never really felt the need to ask for more information. There were times, however, when Veronica was severely tempted to dig deeper and puzzle out the contradictions that were Sam Winchester.
Veronica and Alex left about an hour later, laughing loudly at a dead lawyer joke that Jess had told in Sam's presence. Sam had groaned, reminding Jess that he didn't tell hippy jokes around her.
"Those two are too damn cute for their own good," Alex commented, linking his arm with Veronica's.
"There are times when I'm afraid they would combust due to too much adorable contained in such a relatively small area," Veronica confirmed, shivering slightly in the chill night air. Even with her coat on, the damp air cut through the layers and straight to her skin. She almost pitied the countless girls on campus where were more scantily clad than she was. They were almost back at Toyon Hall when Veronica stopped suddenly, something catching her eye.
"What's the matter?" Alex asked, looking at Veronica in concern.
"Just a feeling that I've seen that car before," Veronica replied, studying the sleek black muscle car with a frown on her face. "It's not that important," she added with a shake of her head after staring at the car for another moment. "I'm probably just imagining things."
Fortunately, Veronica's roommate was still out partying when she got back to her room, giving her a bit of privacy to do some research on a case. Toward the end of the last school year, Veronica had taken her PI exam and had scored a 95, allowing her to begin the process of getting certified in the state of California. Very few people at Stanford were aware of this, but Veronica had since started to work with a local PI, taking some of the smaller cases as a way to earn some extra money. Her father had been concerned, but there was little that he could legitimately do, other than advise her to make sure her taser had full batteries and that she had an extra can of mace on her at all times. So far, none of the cases that had passed through the office were as dangerous as the ones her father had handled, but she wasn't taking anything for granted at this point.
At least we're officially a one PI family right now, she thought wryly.
Don Lamb, the ever obnoxious thorn in her side, had been murdered while chasing a fugitive in March. Her father had been appointed sheriff and had somehow managed to beat back Vinnie Van Lowe in a special election. Although Veronica--and many other Neptune citizens--were happy to see Keith back in office, part of her missed the relative freedom that they'd had when he was working as a private investigator. It was nice to take the cases that they wanted to take and be free operators. The plus side was that he was getting paid more now, which meant fewer student loans for Veronica.
Logging on to her computer, she grimaced a little when an email from Logan popped up in her inbox. As hard as they both had tried, the relationship had petered out last year, leading to an awkward breakup around spring break. They had both agreed that the relationship wasn't working for either of them, but it didn't make things any less painful. Her friends had been there for her, however, especially Wallace and Mac--who had actually threatened to hijack Logan's GPA before Veronica talked her down. There has been a significant period of silence between the two of them, but now they were tentatively trying to build a friendship out of the ruins of their relationship. The emails were awkward and stilted, but neither of them was willing to give up just yet.
Not wanting to deal with the email until she had a little more sleep, Veronica exited her account and pulled up the files that she needed.
Her latest case was pretty run of the mill--a businessman concerned that his partner was taking more than his fair share of the profits and doctoring the books to hide it--so Veronica was going over the partner's expenses to see if there was anything there that flagged any alarms. As of now, the only worrying things that Veronica could see were some investments in companies that she or her boss hadn't had a chance to look into fully, though she had a hunch that they were shell companies to hide the diverted funds.
About an hour later, she closed her laptop with a yawn. There wasn't anything else she could do tonight, not without having some more resources to look into those questionable businesses. For the most part, she didn't do her work in her room, given that she didn't have a room completely to herself, but given that Mr. Kelling wanted this done by Monday, she really had no other option, other than trekking into the office on a Saturday, which she wasn't too keen on. She had hit a wall, though, so she would have to talk to Mr. Kelling on Monday about it and they could figure out where to go from there. For now, however, all she wanted to do was sleep for about ten hours before getting started on her urban sociology paper.
The next morning, Veronica woke up to see a light on her cell phone flashing rather incessantly. Groaning, she reached for the phone and squinted in order to get the symbols into focus. She managed to make out Jess' name on the view screen, along with the ungodly hour which she had called. Hoping that the call hadn't been that urgent, Veronica called her friend back.
"Veronica, can you come over some time today?" Jess asked when she picked up the phone. She sounded agitated, which caused Veronica to frown. Had something happened in the few hours since she had last seen her friend that had upset her?
"Jess, is everything OK?" she asked cautiously, running her hand through her rumpled hair and grimacing on the time displayed on her alarm clock. Fortunately, Lizzie slept like the living dead, which made Veronica feel slightly less guilty about being on the phone this early in the morning.
"I... I don't know," Jess answered, sounding unsure, which only made Veronica even more worried about her friend. In all the time she had known Jess, she had never sounded this way. "Can you just come over whenever you can? Please?"
"Give me an hour and I'll be over," Veronica replied, thinking of what she needed to do in that time. Shower, grab books and notes, possibly food--although coffee was non-negotiable.
"I really appreciate this, Veronica," Jess thanked her. "I'll see you then, OK?"
Veronica contemplated the phone for a few more moments after hanging up. Something was going on, but for the life of her, she couldn't guess what it was. She was getting a feeling, nothing more, that a storm was about to break, but she didn't know who or what was causing it. Shrugging it off, she gathered up her towel and shower caddy and went to go get ready for the day ahead of her.
Almost exactly an hour later, Veronica was climbing the stairs to Jess and Sam's small apartment. Although the university, for the most part, discouraged couples from getting rooms together in the event of a messy breakup, Sam and Jess had somehow managed to pull it off for this year. Jess yanked the door open at Veronica's first knock, as if she had been waiting by the door for her friend to come.
"Did you get any sleep last night?" Veronica asked, stepping inside and examining her friend. She was still wearing her pajamas which consisted of a pair of running shorts and a Smurfs t-shirt, and there were dark-bags under her eyes. "Where's Sam?" she continued, realizing that she would have normally seen him by now if he were here. "Did something happen between the two of you?" She took in the messed-up room with a critical eye, noting the scattered magazines on the floor. This was out of the ordinary, and it worried her.
"I don't know," Jess answered with a sigh, collapsing into one of the chairs and burying her face in her hands.
"What happened?" Veronica questioned, sitting down next to her. Jess didn't answer for a moment, almost as if collecting her thoughts.
"There was a noise," she finally answered. "Out here in the living room, so Sam grabbed the baseball bat to see who it was. There was a short fight, and when I went out to see what was going on, it turned out it was Sam's older brother, Dean."
"Wait, Sam's brother broke in?" Veronica asked, slightly incredulously. Of all the people she would have expected, a member of Sam's wayward family was near the bottom of the list. "Was there any particular reason for his mode of entry, or was he just feeling particularly adventurous?"
"I have no idea," Jess uncharacteristically snapped. "It's hard to even believe he and Sam are related. He was just so..." she paused, trying to search for the right word. "So sleezy. I mean, he used the line, 'I love the Smurfs' on me, while Sam was standing right there."
"Sounds like a real winner," Veronica commented dryly, imagining this scene with Dean Winchester looking an awfully lot like Dick Casablancas. "You obviously chose the wrong Winchester to date. There has to be something other than a bad pick up line to have you this agitated, Jess. What else happened?"
"So, not only does he break in to our home, he then tells Sam that he needs Sam to go with him to find their father," Jess continued, lifting her face out of her hands to look at Veronica. "This of course, is after Sam tells Dean that anything Dean has to say can be said to the both of us. But Dean then tells Sam that their father was on some kind of hunting trip, and all of a sudden, Sam shuts me out and goes outside to talk with Dean. He then comes back in and tells me he's going with Dean, and that he'll be back here by Monday in time for his interview! And the look in his eyes when he said that..." Jess' voice trailed off and she looked down at her hands before looking back up to meet Veronica's eyes. "They were so distant, Veronica. It was like I didn't even know him."
Veronica didn't say anything at first, absorbing what Jess had told her. "That's... not like Sam at all," she finally commented, still turning it over in her head. It was fairly obvious to anybody with eyes to notice that Sam always got a peculiar look on his face when his family was brought up, but this was... this was definitely not what she would have seen Sam doing in a situation like this. "Did he give you anything other than he was going to find his father?"
"Are you trying to turn this into a case, Veronica?" Jess questioned, looking at Veronica with a shocked look on her face.
"Do you want me to?" Veronica shot back, crossing her arms. "You know I can, with a few key strokes, open up Sam Winchester's life like an open book. Every magazine subscription, parking ticket, financial transaction... I might even be able to figure out what's going on between him and his brother."
"No! I... I trust Sam," Jess stated, shooting up out of the chair and walking towards the window. "I know you have to work with people who don't trust each other, Veronica, but that doesn't mean that everybody's like that! I'm not going to invade his privacy when he's given me no real reason to do that. He wouldn't do that to me, so I'm not going to do that with him."
Veronica remained silent. In her opinion, the instant Sam started acting so drastically out of character was a prime moment when doing a little sleuthing was perfectly justified. But that was her opinion, however, and she didn't feel like trying and failing to get Jess to see it that way. For good or bad, if Jess was one thing, it was that she was stubborn as all hell.
"If that's what you want, Jess, so be it," Veronica conceded, getting up to stand by her friend. "I'll respect his privacy like you want, but I think, given my experiences, that when there's such a change in a person's personality, you're well within your rights to be suspicious."
"You would say that, Veronica," Jess answered with a bitter laugh. "You always see the shadows and the hidden motives in everything everybody does. I don't see the world that way, and I'm not about to."
Knowing that it would be best to drop this subject, Veronica abruptly shifted gears. "You know what I think this day calls for?" she asked. "I think we should go get a tub of Ben and Jerry's and then share it while doing homework. After that, we can go rent the sappiest chick flicks imaginable and have a girls night with Pat, Kelsey, Lizzie, and Tanya. Sound like a plan?" Veronica really didn't do girls' nights, but she knew that Jess liked them, and she was willing to waste an evening on romantic comedies and gossip if only to get her friend in a better state of mind.
"You hate girls' nights," Jess pointed out, but with a hint of a smile on her face.
"I'm thinking of it as a short-term pain in my ass for a longer-term investment of not seeing you mope around this apartment for the entire weekend," Veronica countered, returning Jess' smile. "What do you say? You, me, a tub of Chunky Monkey in the student union?"
"Change Chunky Monkey to Fossil Fuel, and you have yourself a deal," Jess answered with a wavering smile. "Give me some time to shower and change, and then I'll be good to go."
"Take your time," Veronica replied with a wave of her hand. Jess went back into her room, leaving Veronica alone in the living room. She circled the room a few times, trying to sort out her thoughts.
Her father had always told her that if she had a hunch, she should follow it and sometimes have to damn the potential consequences. She didn't know why, but she had a hunch on this, that she should look into Sam Winchester's past and see what skeletons were rattling around in his closet. But therein lay the dilemma. She didn't want to risk her friendship with Jess by searching through Sam's past when she had told Veronica not to.
"What would you do, Dad?" she whispered, sitting back down and staring at a spot on the floor. Unfortunately, the floor had no answers for her, so she was still looking blankly at it when Jess emerged from her room showered and dressed.
"You ready to roll?" she asked, twisting her long blonde hair into a bun.
"Yep, good to go," Veronica answered brightly, shoving all of her worries to a dark corner in the back of her mind. She'd think about them later--for now, all she really wanted to do was eat ice cream and procrastinate on that paper.
~*~*~
The next night found Veronica sitting in her car across the street from a seedy looking motel in East Palo Alto, camera in hand and cookies on the seat next to her, courtesy of Jess, who had gone on a cookie baking binge earlier that day. Veronica wasn't going to complain, however, since it meant that Veronica had something to snack on while she waited for her target to leave the motel with the woman the wife was cheating on her husband with. Glancing at the clock, Veronica silently urged the woman to hurry up her illicit tryst and get the hell out of the hotel. She wanted to get some sleep before her morning class tomorrow.
While I'm wishing for things, I can wish Mr. Kelling would give me a raise and that my dad would get me that pony I've always wanted, she thought sourly, taking a drink of coffee in between bites of cookie. She originally hadn't been scheduled to take this stakeout, but something had come up for Mr. Kelling, leaving her the only one available. The least he can do is pay me a nice fat bonus if I get the money shot.
Finally, after what felt like sitting too damn long in the chilly car, Veronica spotted movement. "Say hello to large divorce pay-out," she muttered, raising her camera and snapping a few photos of the woman passionately kissing her lover goodbye. Veronica waited until the woman was in her car and driving away before starting her engine. Teeth chattering slightly, she waited until the heat had a chance to work a little before beginning the relatively short drive home.
She had just reached Campus Drive when she noticed the flashing lights of an emergency vehicle. Pulling over, she watched with a pit in her stomach as it raced towards Mirrielees House. Taking a deep breath, she gently pressed her foot on the gas pedal and followed the fire truck. It didn't take long for her to see the fire--if she didn't know better, she would have sworn the entire building was in flames. It wasn't, but a good half of the wall blazed away, despite the firefighters' best attempts to beat back the fire.
That's where Jess and Sam's place is, she noted, the pit growing exponentially.
Stopping her car, Veronica lurched out onto the street, her eyes drawn to the flickering light the fire was giving in the dark night sky. Tearing her gaze away, she searched through the crowd with her eyes, becoming more and more frantic when she realized that neither Jess nor Sam was among those huddled in the cold night air.
"Which apartment caught on fire?" she asked one of the fellow onlookers, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice. "Which one?" she asked again, doing her best not to scream at the idiot before her.
"I-I don't know," he stammered, looking at her with fear on his face. "They didn't tell us."
Veronica turned away from him. He was useless. She needed information. She needed to know that her friends were alright. She went to the next person and the next, but neither of them had any information for her.
"Pat!" she shouted, spying one of Jess' friends who lived in the complex with them. "Pat! Do you know where Jess is?" Pat, barefoot and dressed in her pajamas, rushed over to Veronica, gripping her arm tightly.
"No, I can't find her!" Pat yelled back, an almost crazed look in her eyes. "I haven't been able to find her, and I overheard one of the firefighters say that the fire came from her and Sam's place, and I don't know and I can't find her, Veronica!" The last part came out as a sob as Pat buried her face in her hands. Veronica could only stare helplessly as the flames continued to consume the apartment building, apparently undeterred by the firefighter's best efforts. The fire danced as if it had a life of its own, determined to live as long as possible and cause whatever damage that it could.
"Get everybody back!" one of the head firefighters shouted, gesturing wildly at the crowd.
Veronica remained still, unable to move. "No," she whispered, tears starting to run down her face. "This can't be happening." This couldn't be happening, not to Jess, not to her best friend who loved walking in the rain, baking cookies for her boyfriend, or who would shout at the TV during baseball games. Not to Jess.
"Miss! We need you to get back." One of the firefighters was gripping her arm, pulling her back to safety. Veronica felt her feet move, taking the rest of her body with her. She couldn't, however, take her eyes away from the flames, those damn bright, all-consuming flames.
~*~*~
...University officials are still at a loss to explain what caused the sudden fire early this morning that all but gutted the Mirrielees Apartment complex on campus. There have been two confirmed deaths in the fire --junior Edward Fagan and senior Jessica Moore--as well at several students who escaped the fire with severe burns. Arson is suspected...
Veronica could distantly hear the television report drone on in the background. Veronica didn't know how, but she had somehow driven back to her dorm and returned to her room. Those ten minutes were such a blur to her, she was lucky she had arrived back here in one piece. Now, she was in her room with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, shivering uncontrollably, her thoughts on repeat: Jess was dead. Jess, the first friend she had made here at Stanford, was dead, burned almost beyond recognition in the fire that had consumed her home while she had been waiting for Sam to return. Lizzie sat next to Veronica, shooting her concerned looks every now and then, but otherwise remaining silent.
I should be used to this by now, Veronica thought bitterly, pulling the blanket a little tighter around her. Lily, Meg, the students on the bus... It was almost as if Death was stalking her, targeting those around her, but leaving her physically unscathed but mentally a wreck. If life was a person, she was its punching bag.
"I'll let your professors know that you won't be coming in today," Lizzie finally said after a lengthy pause.
"No!" Veronica protested violently, shooting to her feet. " I need to go! I need for something in my day to be normal and to make sense! I can't..." She paused, her throat tightening. "I need to get through this day, and I can't if I'm just sitting here in this room, watching that fire in my head, over and over again!" She raised her arms, just barely resisting the urge to slam her fist into the wall, although part of her welcomed the pain. She felt hollow, so damn hollow, just like she had after Lily died.
"Veronica!" Lizzie shot up and grabbed her arms. "You're in shock! You're not thinking clearly!"
"I'm thinking just fine, Lizzie!" Veronica objected, trying to get free, only to have Lizzie tighten her grip. "The more I sit here and wallow and think, the worse it's going to get! I'll just keep thinking about it, and what I could have done and going over it all the time! I need to do something. I need... I need to keep busy, and right now, school's the only thing that's going to keep me even remotely sane."
"And what happens then, Veronica?" Lizzie shouted, giving Veronica a small shake. "What happens when you can't hide behind the work and it all comes back? What are you going to do then?"
"I'll figure it out when I get there," Veronica answered, jerking out of Lizzie's grip. "But right now, I'm going to class. I'm going to go to work. I'm going to drive myself into the ground if it helps me get to sleep at night, because that's the only damn way I'll be able to sleep." She was close to tears, so close to collapsing on the ground and screaming in pain at the unfairness of it all. "Having something to do is the only way I'll be able to hold myself together, Lizzie," she added in a quiet, almost strangled voice.
Lizzie was silent for a moment before exhaling quietly. "Fine," she conceded, turning and walking to the door connecting their rooms. "But just know that others aren't going to view it the same way."
Veronica waited until Lizzie had shut the door before grabbing her shower caddy and nearly running to the bathroom. She didn't know if she was imagining this or not, but she could feel the ash from the fire in her skin, in her hair. She could still smell the smoke and hear the crackling of the wood being devoured.
Turning on the water to as hot as she could reasonably manage, she still let out a sharp gasp when it hit her skin, turning it red. It gradually became redder as she continued to scrub, futilely trying to get the smell of smoke off of her skin. Throwing the washcloth on the ground in frustration, she leaned against the wall and began to sob.
It's not fair! she thought, her shoulders shaking and tears running down her face. Why Jess? Why did it have to be Jess? The water had no answers for her.
~*~*~
"Miss Mars, thank you for meeting with me," the Dean said, gesturing to the chair across the desk from her. It had only been a day, and already she was being called in to talk to the higher ups.
"It's not like you left me much choice, Dean Griggs," she answered, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice. She didn't want to talk about what had happened to Jess. She had other things she could be doing, like staying up as late as she could to avoid the dreams she knew would inevitably come.
"I know you were close with Jessica Moore, Veronica," Dean Griggs continued, changing tactics. "I also know that when somebody close to you dies in such a violent manner, it helps to have somebody to talk to."
"Let me guess, you're advising that I go to one of the grief counselors that the university has," Veronica bit out, feeling slightly offended at the false understanding in the Dean's voice. Griggs had no idea what this was like, what kind of hell it was for her. "Where I talk about my feelings and how this all has affected me."
"I don't think you're giving our counselors a fair chance, Veronica" the Dean answered in a measured voice. Veronica rolled her eyes at this statement.
"If you've even done more than glance at my file, you should know that I have a pretty good idea what I'm in for," Veronica stated, pointing at the folder on the table. "They did no use then, and they aren't going to do any good now. I know what I need to do in order to get through this."
"And that is?"
"Doing whatever I need to do to not to dwell on it," Veronica answered tightly, meeting the Dean's eyes. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a class I need to get to." Griggs narrowed her eyes, but otherwise didn't say anything as Veronica stood up to leave.
Veronica was almost out of the door when the Dean's voice stopped her. "Bottling up your emotions isn't healthy, Veronica," Griggs stated.
"I'll take that into consideration," Veronica replied in a calmer voice than she would have expected given the circumstances. "Have a nice day." With that that, she turned around and finally fled the office and headed out towards the street. She didn't have a class right now, but she had needed a believable excuse to escape from the Dean.
As soon as she began walking down the street, everything started to become a blur, except for the lingering feeling of heat on her skin and the smell of smoke. She began walking faster, trying to escape without drawing too much attention to herself. She had somehow managed to survive her classes, but that was only by having something to focus her mind on. Now.. now she was on her own, and all she could think about was the fire and Jess' death.
Veronica reached her room without even realizing she had entered the building. Closing her eyes, she did her best to calm her breathing and fight back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. Breathe, she reminded herself. Just keep breathing.
The shrill ring of her phone snapped her out of her reverie. Frowning, she dug through her bag and pulled it out.
"Pat?" she answered after glancing at the display.
"Have you seen Sam at all?" Pat demanded, sounding like she was doing her best to stay under control and failing. "I heard that somebody had seen him outside the building with a guy nobody recognized, but he's gone."
"Wait, gone?" Veronica repeated stupidly, her sleep-deprived and shock-addled trying to sort out what Pat had just said.
"Yes, gone, Veronica," Pat repeated impatiently. "I've tried calling his cell, but he's not picking up. He has to know that Jess is dead, right? I mean, that has to be the reason why he would just leave, especially the day of his interview. Has he called you at all?"
"No, he hasn't," Veronica answered, closing her eyes again. Frak, she swore silently, using the favorite swear word of her RA from last year. "Do you want me to look into it?" she asked in a hollow voice.
Sam. She hadn't even thought about Sam's absence at the fire. She had just assumed that he hadn't been back yet, and when he hadn't been listed as one of the two people dead, she had shoved it to the back of her mind. It was one of the many things she had on a list to worry about later--like how to tell him his girlfriend was dead. It looked like that was taken care of.
"What can you really do?" Pat asked, a little harshly, which caused Veronica to bristle at the implied accusation. "What good are his records going to do when he won't even return my calls?"
"Maybe he's trying to find a way to cope, just like the rest of are, Pat!" Veronica snapped back. "Maybe he's taking a leave of absence. Maybe he's trying to run away from it. I have no frakking idea. What I can do is dump all of his history and try and find out where he could be going. It's better than just asking around when he's obviously not here."
There was an uncomfortable pause. "Look, I was just asking if you had seen him at all," Pat finally stated. "If you want to go all Nancy Drew on him go ahead. That's your prerogative." Pat ended the call, leaving Veronica clutching the phone tightly in her hand and trying her best not to throw it at the wall in frustration and anger.
Fuck you, Pat, she thought angrily. She knew that Pat was also in shock from what had happened, but that was was just a low, unnecessary blow.
A knock on the door brought her attention back to the present. Opening the door, she stared in shock at the person standing on the other side. "Dad?" she asked in a small voice.
"Hey, sweetie," he replied, stepping inside. "I heard what happened to your friend and I came here as fast as I could." Veronica didn't say anything; she just wrapped her arms around her father. "What do you need, Veronica?" he asked gently
"Just for things to make sense again," she answered, her voice thick with unshed tears. Keith returned the hug, holding her tight. "Why did it have to be Jess?" she asked, voicing the question that had been plaguing her all day. "Why? She didn't deserve this!" Her shoulders began to shake as she started crying into her dad's shirt.
"I don't know, sweetie," he answered honestly, offering what comfort he could. "I just don't know."
She didn't know how long she stood there in her father's arms, crying her heart out, but by the time she stopped, the hole in her heart no longer felt as gaping.
~*~*~
The next week was so bad, it only trailed the weeks following Lily's death and when her mother had walked out on her and her father as being the worst in her life. That wasn't saying a whole lot, though, considering how traumatic both those weeks had been. The only thing that kept Veronica sane was her throwing herself into whatever work she could find, trying to find ways to occupy her mind at all times.
Sam had officially withdrawn from Stanford. This wasn't publicly announced, but Veronica had her sources inside the Registrar's Office who gave her what information she wanted in return for taking care of some potentially incriminating pictures that would have ruined her chance to compete for Miss California. Veronica was still meaning to run Sam's name through the PI database, but she needed to get everything else under control first.
Veronica and Pat had tentatively apologized to each other the next day. It was awkward and slightly forced on both sides, and Veronica had no doubt that she and Pat would be having very little to do with each other in the future. The only way that they had ever interacted with each other was through Jess, and now that the only tie between them was broken, there was little to no reason for them to remain close.
Surprisingly, the only person other than Keith who seemed to understand her need to keep busy was Mr. Kelling. The nondescript little man that she worked for, rather than suggesting that she take a leave of absence or vacation or anything like that, had quietly given her more time-consuming cases to work on with an understanding smile on his face.
"Just thought you might like to take a look at these cases," he told her when she had gone to see him about the stack of folders on her desk. "Let me know if that's too much, and we can work something out."
"Thank you, Mr. Kelling," she said earnestly, the protective numbness lessing for a moment. That was the only acknowledgment he had made of Jess' death, and she was grateful for that.
Despite how hard she was driving herself with school, work, and the Daily Cardinal, she still couldn't avoid the nightmares that haunted her every night. She was standing outside the apartments again, but this time, she could hear Jess' screams of pain and smell the charred flesh. She was trapped, powerless to help save her friend. Those nightmares always left her waking up, gasping for air and trying to fight back tears.
One week later, while at work, she pulled up the PI database that she had installed on her computer. Veronica had been putting this off, partly out of respect for Jess' memory and her wishes, but also because she was afraid of what she might find in Sam's past. Fingers shaking, she typed in "Samuel Winchester," along with his date of birth. She paused for a moment before resolutely pressing down the mouse button on her laptop. She stared at the screen while it processed her request. It was taking slightly longer than searches normally took, which both worried and puzzled her.
"Come on," she muttered, silently urging it to run faster.
Finally, the results popped up on her screen, newest to oldest. Scrolling through the list, there was nothing too eye-catching at first--just a list of expenses, subscriptions, and academic honors that Sam had accumulated while at Stanford. The only remotely interesting thing was that he stayed on campus during most breaks until his junior year, which was something that she had already known. Once she hit his high school years, however, that's when things started getting interesting.
"How the hell did you manage to graduate from high school, Sam?" she muttered, looking at the sheer amount of schools he had been enrolled in, many only for a few weeks at a time. From the looks of it, this had been going on for his entire academic career up until college. There were times when they would stay longer, but those were few and far between. His criminal record was clean, although she was tempted to run both his father and brother's names through just to see what came up. Arriving at the end of the search results, she froze.
"Local woman dies in tragic fire," was the last result, a headline from the Lawrence newspaper from many years ago. Fingers shaking, Veronica clicked on the link, pulling up the article.
"Despite the best effort of local firefighters, local woman Mary Winchester died in a tragic fire that nearly destroyed her home. Investigators are puzzled as to what started the fire, which appears to have originated in the nursery of her six-month old son. She is survived by her husband, John, as well as her two sons, Sam and Dean." The article continued on, but Veronica kept staring at the first paragraph.
This can't be a coincidence, she thought, drumming her fingers on a table. She needed to get copies of both reports, but she had a hunch that they would be almost exactly the same. Pulling up another screen, she put in a request to have the fire investigation reports sent to her as soon as possible. She also sent Sam an email with the message line of "URGENT!", hoping that he would get the hint and get back to her.
The reports didn't arrive until the next day while she was in class. Glancing around to make sure nobody was looking, she opened both of the reports and placed them side by side. They were practically identical, with one surprising feature: both fires had originated from the ceiling and had spread almost impossibly fast without the use of an accelerant.
What the hell? she thought, staring at the screen in confusion.
There was no logical explanation for how this could have happened. Even though Veronica's knowledge of how fires were started and spread was pretty nonexistent, she knew enough to realize that unless this was an especially clever arsonist with a vendetta against the Winchesters--which still could be a distant possibility--there were simply no other explanations.
This conundrum stayed in her mind throughout the day, never leaving her thoughts for more than a few seconds. No possible explanation she came up with made any sense given the facts that she had.
Later that night, Veronica was in her room, sitting on her bed, still staring at the printouts of the two reports with a red pen in her hand and no closer to figuring this mystery out.
"Veronica, are you alright?" Lizzie asked. "You've been staring at those sheets of paper all night."
"Just a puzzle that I'm having problems solving, that's all," Veronica answered absently.
"Try sleeping on it," Lizzie suggested, leaning against the doorway. "I know that always helps me when I'm having problems with something, and I know you haven't been sleeping well lately."
Veronica was about to protest when a massive yawn interrupted her. "Maybe sleep might be a good idea," she admitted, rubbing her eyes wearily.
Lizzie nodded and went back into her room, shutting the door firmly behind her.
~*~*~
This is weird, Veronica thought, standing in the middle of the Main Quad, right in front of the Memorial Chapel. The normally bustling center of campus was eerily empty, with the full moon bathing everything in a soft, silvery light. Also odd was the fact that the door to the Chapel was propped open, despite the fact that it was normally locked at night. Taking a deep breath, she entered the deserted building, her footsteps echoing as she approached the altar. The moonlight shone in weakly through the elaborate stained glass windows depicting the life of Christ, creating a colorful, yet ghostly atmosphere.
"It's quite different at night, Veronica, wouldn't you agree?" a familiar voice asked from behind her.
Whipping around, Veronica bit back a gasp when she saw the voice's source: sitting in the center of the chapel was Jessica, looking exactly as she had the last time Veronica saw her.
"No," Veronica whispered in shock. "You're dead."
"Good thing this is a dream then, because otherwise I think it would be a sign of the apocalypse," Jess answered, gesturing for Veronica to come closer.
"But, why?" Veronica asked, walking towards her friend without hesitation.
"Like this is the first time you've had a dead friend come to you in your dreams," Jess answered with a wave of her hand. "And don't ask me how I know that," she continued as Veronica opened her mouth. "I just do."
Veronica nodded dumbly, thinking back to her junior year when Lily would show up in her dreams from time to time, dropping cryptic riddles and fashion tips at the same time.
"it doesn't make sense," Veronica finally said, sitting down next to Jess, looking at the back of the pew in front of them. "Nothing about what happened makes any sense, Jess."
There was a lengthy pause. "It's not going to make sense for a while, Veronica," Jess finally answered. "You're going to need to keep digging if you want to find the truth."
"Thanks for the tip," Veronica replied with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Hard to get to that conclusion on my own."
"Sam's at the center of all of this," Jess continued as if she hadn't heard Veronica's interruption. "If you find Sam, if you talk to Sam, you'll learn everything that you want to know about what happened the night of the fire."
"Oh, that's so simple!" Veronica exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "Why, that's so easy, given that Sam's basically dropped off the face of the earth!"
"Well, that just means you'll need to dedicate a little more time to finding him," Jess answered with a smirk on her face. "I never said it was going to be easy. I have faith that you can do this, Veronica."
Veronica turned her head to look at her friend. "So, you're hiring me to track down your wayward boyfriend?" she asked. "I thought you didn't want me prying into his past."
"Well, considering you have the search results saved to your hard drive, I think we're a little past that," Jess said, getting to her feet. "I'll be seeing you around, Veronica. Good luck."
~*~*~
Veronica's eyes snapped open at the sound of her alarm blaring at her across the room. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes wearily, trying to sort out the weird dream she just woke up from. She had been in the Chapel, Jess was there, telling her that she had to find Sam. It had been just like the dreams she used to have when she was looking into Lily's death.
Shutting off her alarm, she turned to look at the two pieces of paper that were sitting on her desk. According to her dream, Sam Winchester was at the center of all of this--of the fires, of Jess' death, of all the questions that she needed answered.
Opening up her computer, Veronica pulled up the PI database. "Alright, Sam Winchester," she muttered, entering in Dean Winchester's name and hitting "enter." "Let the games begin."
Only God says jump
Some set the time
'Cause if he ever saw her
It was through these eyes of mine!
And if he ever suffered it was me who did his crying.
Hey, hey, good-bye.
Tomorrow, Wendy by Concrete Blonde