I'm baaaaackk
Hello again LiveJournal,
I didn't miss you.
I thought I wouldn't need you, but I do.
There is no way that ANYONE would want to listen to this fucking crap and if I don't put it somewhere it's gonna end up on Facebook.
SOOOOOooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOoooo....
I feel dead on the inside, I'm just going through the motions of what I vaguely remember as being my interests.
I spend most of my time wandering the long corridors of my own brain, opening random doors, LOOKING FOR SOMETHING, ANYTHING that can fill my empty vessel. I don't know if I've honestly changed as a person or if this is all about Toi and I breaking up. It's probably a little bit of both.
Amanda said that I've changed for the better more than anyone she knows sans Brenton, but Amanda and I became friends just as I first started going out with Toi...
Toi's reason of "I don't know who I am anymore" as a reason for us to break up really stuck with me. It becomes more relevant for me every day. I don't know who I am, I defined so much of myself on her, dedicated myself to her so fully after our first breakup that I killed part of myself. I think so at least, and that's the worst part. I really don't know.
Really though, doesn't that all sound so whiny and lame? I shouldn't be confused about who I am or what's missing in my life. I sure do have enough time, money, friends, family, job, etc. to be more than happy...
That's not the problem though, it's not that I'm lacking things that provide satisfaction and joy, but that I don't receive any from it. Actually, I usually do but it's so fleeting that it would be better if it hadn't happened at all.
A nice big, depressing, gray blob of a world.
fuck it