**i'm trying to figure out what exactly is it that i did with the last year of my life...?**
*L* From the sound of things, learning some very important lessons.
**i want a normal life in which i can live in my life style without my signifcant others parrental judgement. i want a marriage. i'm ready to work on monogamy, not drinking or drugging to bad judgements. i'm working with a drug therapist right now.**
I think that's absolutely awesome! Are you doing drug counselling for pharmaceuticals or other drugs? I hope this doesn't offend...Please understand that I'm talking from personal experience as well because, as you know, I've made my share of mistakes in the drug department. I've noticed a really destructive pattern you have. It's not just that you do drugs and make errors in judgement but, whenever faced with something stressful, you often over-medicate to the point of abuse. Not only is this damaging to your physical health and judgement, but it can actually worsen your symptoms. While medicating our problems away feels good in the moment, it inevitably causes rebound anxiety/depression...right when we're trying to sort out the mess we made under the influence. It's an ugly cycle and a very difficult one to break. Of course I have to give my standard warning--if you're planning on getting off anything you've taken steadily, make sure your therapist knows what they're doing as far as physical addiction. Also, do research of your own so you know what you're in for. Otherwise, some drugs can fuck your shit up...like dead or psychotic kind of fucked up. Other advice: The thing that helped me most was to change my mindset completely about drugs--same is true when trying for monogamy. Think of it this way. You don't have to DO anything--all you have to do is NOT do something...don't do drugs, don't fuck people. I'd tell myself whenever I violently craved a drug...It became my only job, to NOT do drugs. In that light, it seemed more managable somehow. I really applaud you for this decision and encourage you to stick with it. It will be tough and takes a lot of self-control but it's worth it. One of the semi-recent turning points in my life was when drug use became an extremely occasional thing. It's done more than anything else to help my mental stability.
And don't be ashamed of needing help with the chemicals. Mentally ill folks are at the highest risk for drug abuse--we have a lot to escape from. Instead be proud that you've recognized a problem and are willing to do something about it.
You have my gmail--If you need advice/support from someone who's been there, I'll be glad to help.
wow, that was great! i wish i could have said that. it's what i've been trying to say to kharma in these last few months. it's exactly how i feel... thanks for saying what i didn't know how to say.
thanks rachel... it means alot. as far as drug addiction.. it is street drugs and pharmaceuticals.. i'm legally on klonopin 3 x a day, sleep drugs, vicodin, and soma.. all of which i have abused.. i've tried twice now to kill myself with my pharmaceuticals. no good. no no good.
you're right on all regards. i appreciate your input.. yeah, i have gmail.. don't know if i'll write or not.. but having the option is very nice, so i thankyou.
**i'm legally on klonopin 3 x a day, sleep drugs, vicodin, and soma.. **
Jeez--how do you stay conscious? Vicodin is pretty easy to kick, other than craving it. Soma I'm clueless about. The sleep meds of course result in massive insomnia. You might start looking into some natural alternatives (like melatonin) beforehand. Klonopin--I've seen some people come off benzos with minimal problems other than rebound anxiety. Annie, who has almost no addictive potential with anything, accidentally mixed up her xanax and her allergy meds...and was taking Claritin 3 times a day, xanax when her allergies kicked up. She suffered no ill effects. Then there are the people like me and Ren who get affects comparable to withdrawing from smack. Just don't go off it suddenly and be prepared for some nasty stuff. If you can tolerate SSRIs they can help quite a bit with the withdrawal effects.
**i've tried twice now to kill myself with my pharmaceuticals. no good. no no good.
Right, that's definitely a sign it's time for some changes.
**...don't know if i'll write or not.. but having the option is very nice, so i thankyou.
*L* From the sound of things, learning some very important lessons.
**i want a normal life in which i can live in my life style without my signifcant others parrental judgement. i want a marriage. i'm ready to work on monogamy, not drinking or drugging to bad judgements. i'm working with a drug therapist right now.**
I think that's absolutely awesome! Are you doing drug counselling for pharmaceuticals or other drugs?
I hope this doesn't offend...Please understand that I'm talking from personal experience as well because, as you know, I've made my share of mistakes in the drug department.
I've noticed a really destructive pattern you have. It's not just that you do drugs and make errors in judgement but, whenever faced with something stressful, you often over-medicate to the point of abuse. Not only is this damaging to your physical health and judgement, but it can actually worsen your symptoms. While medicating our problems away feels good in the moment, it inevitably causes rebound anxiety/depression...right when we're trying to sort out the mess we made under the influence. It's an ugly cycle and a very difficult one to break.
Of course I have to give my standard warning--if you're planning on getting off anything you've taken steadily, make sure your therapist knows what they're doing as far as physical addiction. Also, do research of your own so you know what you're in for. Otherwise, some drugs can fuck your shit up...like dead or psychotic kind of fucked up.
Other advice: The thing that helped me most was to change my mindset completely about drugs--same is true when trying for monogamy. Think of it this way. You don't have to DO anything--all you have to do is NOT do something...don't do drugs, don't fuck people. I'd tell myself whenever I violently craved a drug...It became my only job, to NOT do drugs.
In that light, it seemed more managable somehow.
I really applaud you for this decision and encourage you to stick with it. It will be tough and takes a lot of self-control but it's worth it. One of the semi-recent turning points in my life was when drug use became an extremely occasional thing. It's done more than anything else to help my mental stability.
And don't be ashamed of needing help with the chemicals. Mentally ill folks are at the highest risk for drug abuse--we have a lot to escape from. Instead be proud that you've recognized a problem and are willing to do something about it.
You have my gmail--If you need advice/support from someone who's been there, I'll be glad to help.
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you're right on all regards. i appreciate your input.. yeah, i have gmail.. don't know if i'll write or not.. but having the option is very nice, so i thankyou.
Reply
Jeez--how do you stay conscious?
Vicodin is pretty easy to kick, other than craving it. Soma I'm clueless about. The sleep meds of course result in massive insomnia. You might start looking into some natural alternatives (like melatonin) beforehand.
Klonopin--I've seen some people come off benzos with minimal problems other than rebound anxiety. Annie, who has almost no addictive potential with anything, accidentally mixed up her xanax and her allergy meds...and was taking Claritin 3 times a day, xanax when her allergies kicked up. She suffered no ill effects.
Then there are the people like me and Ren who get affects comparable to withdrawing from smack. Just don't go off it suddenly and be prepared for some nasty stuff. If you can tolerate SSRIs they can help quite a bit with the withdrawal effects.
**i've tried twice now to kill myself with my pharmaceuticals. no good. no no good.
Right, that's definitely a sign it's time for some changes.
**...don't know if i'll write or not.. but having the option is very nice, so i thankyou.
All cool, just so you know I'm around. :)
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