Relationships
Ive been thinking a lot about how I used to be lately. This seems to crop up most in my mind when I discuss issues with valuable relationships in my life. I used to be the girl to put on my britches after sex and say something like "Thanks...that was fun and maybe I'll see ya around...don't call me." I don't realize how much I've grown until I'm thrown into conversations with people I actually care about, how building meaningful relationships is so valuable in my life now. I don't know when I started to give-a-fuck, but I do.
2010 is here and this is my first post of the year, and I rang this New Year in such amazing company. Surrounded by people who not only love me but also respect me. Last year I stopped working for myself and decided to go back to school. It seems like life has always shown up and like I'm never going to finish this school crap, but hey...whatchagunnado? I've met some cool people there. I quit smoking...I started smoking again. I hoped we could get Erin pregnant and we found a HUGE fatty tumor that warranted the removal of her uterus and that was hard but 2009 is over now and she is healing. She can't strap a dick yet but that's ok. Overall we're both ok with letting kids fall on the backburner so that we can fully heal from that aweful experience. Lots of travelling is in order, skydiving, more snowboarding lessons, basically all things fun.
The end of 2009 was better than the beginning in the relationship department. As Erin heals from her surgery her body awakens. It's as if that fatty tumor put her sexuality to sleep for a few years and the Erin I first met has returned to me. I waited for so long to see that return and it has in full force. She has found a different side to Mommie inside her and is opening up so beautifully with our darling boi. That relationship is turning out to be incredible. I also met a sweet boy that I feel could mean so much more to me. I am becoming more than the shell I was ten years ago.
In retrospect, I think having sex was so much easier than building the intense relationships around me today. Opening up and being vulnerable to heartache was too difficult to even begin to conceive back then. I was wild and wreckless and free of all obligation and responsibility. I hold those things so dear today. So strange to believe I would ever think or feel this way.
2010 is here and this is my first post of the year, and I rang this New Year in such amazing company. Surrounded by people who not only love me but also respect me. Last year I stopped working for myself and decided to go back to school. It seems like life has always shown up and like I'm never going to finish this school crap, but hey...whatchagunnado? I've met some cool people there. I quit smoking...I started smoking again. I hoped we could get Erin pregnant and we found a HUGE fatty tumor that warranted the removal of her uterus and that was hard but 2009 is over now and she is healing. She can't strap a dick yet but that's ok. Overall we're both ok with letting kids fall on the backburner so that we can fully heal from that aweful experience. Lots of travelling is in order, skydiving, more snowboarding lessons, basically all things fun.
The end of 2009 was better than the beginning in the relationship department. As Erin heals from her surgery her body awakens. It's as if that fatty tumor put her sexuality to sleep for a few years and the Erin I first met has returned to me. I waited for so long to see that return and it has in full force. She has found a different side to Mommie inside her and is opening up so beautifully with our darling boi. That relationship is turning out to be incredible. I also met a sweet boy that I feel could mean so much more to me. I am becoming more than the shell I was ten years ago.
In retrospect, I think having sex was so much easier than building the intense relationships around me today. Opening up and being vulnerable to heartache was too difficult to even begin to conceive back then. I was wild and wreckless and free of all obligation and responsibility. I hold those things so dear today. So strange to believe I would ever think or feel this way.