NaNo Excerpt 2013: #3
This is actually one of the very first scenes in the book. It's from Ano's perspective, so he is not nearly as bothered by this as Yaki is, but it also comes off as being a bit dry. This is within the first 20 pages, so suggestions on how to give readers a better feel of Ano's character would be appreciated.
Background: rebels have been caught and the MCs are being introduced to their Interrogation class a day early. Mistress Moki is the leader of the School. All the others are students.
“Now,” Mistress Moki said, piercing her four new students with her dark eyes, “what can you tell me about him?” She shook her finger at Keali as she started to answer. “Let the new kids try it first.” Keali smiled indulgently.
Ano analyzed the man before them. Human, obviously, and male. Few scars. Ano had to guess that binding someone’s arms and feet were standard procedure for torture, though he doubted the fingers would normally be so tightly bound. “He’s a mage,” Ano said. And not one that he had seen fighting against them yesterday. Interesting.
Mistress Moki focused on him. “Why do you say that?”
“Long hair,” Ano listed, “few scars, hands and mouth are bound to keep him from casting.”
“Very good. What else?”
“He’s from Konane,” Akane said.
Mistress Moki turned her gaze to the red-skinned half-breed. “Why?”
“Well, he’s a mage, and that’s the only island besides ours that’s accepting of mages. Plus, he wasn’t in the group that attacked us. He looks well taken care of, and that can only be Konane.”
“He wasn’t originally from Konane,” Yaki added. Ano glanced at his partner; Yaki was too calm, too still. It was like he was waiting for a fight, but his face held none of the excitement that usually came with sparring.
“If he’s not from Konane,” Mistress Moki asked, “where would he be from?”
“Lauli, of course.” Yaki looked up from his consideration of the man and briefly met Mistress Moki’s eyes. “They’re the only ones dumb enough to keep fighting.”
Mistress Moki smiled. “Very good. He is, in fact, originally from Lauli, though he has spent the last twenty years as an exile on Konane. He is, also, a mage and in fact the organizer of our most recent attack. Now,” Mistress Moki circled the table, trailing her fingers along the edge. The bound man watched her in fear. The students backed up to give her space. “Interrogating mages takes a bit more effort than your average person. You have to break their will before you can expect to get any useful information out of them. And how do you break their will?”
She looked to her favorite student, who answered readily. “Pain, Mistress Moki.”
Mistress Moki patted Keali’s short hair. “That’s right. We will hurt him and keep hurting him until he gives us what we need. Now, since we still want him to be able to fight tomorrow, we can’t do any permanent or serious damage. Nothing that can’t be healed in a day. Later on we’ll demonstrate a variety of other techniques when we don’t care about the state of the captive, but this one will be a treat tomorrow.” She trailed her nails over his cheek. The man glared up at her from behind his gag.
Mistress Moki smiled and looked up at her students. “Pain without damage.” She pointed at Yaki. “Go.”
Yaki hesitated. Ano looked at him in surprise. His partner always had a ready answer. It was part of what made him so annoying. “Knife wounds are easily healed,” he said finally.
“True enough,” Mistress Moiki said, “but that requires a more detailed knowledge of the body than most of our mages have at this point. Both sides of a partnership should be perfectly fluent in interrogation methods. Ano, what would you do?”
“Electricity,” he said immediately. “Painful with little exterior damage.”
Mistress Moki nodded. “Good, though hard to control. Most of the time, we must use our magics to kill. Torture takes a finer skill.” She traced a small lightning bolt on the man’s chest with her nail. As she finished the symbol a spark jumped from her to the man. He convulsed a bit back a scream. Mistress Moki gave Ano an approving smile and looked to the next partnership. “Izelana. What else?”
“Cold,” she said, after a brief hesitation.
“Localized or generalized?”
“Either,” Izelana responded.
Mistress Moki nodded and looked back at Yaki and Ano. “You should be just as able to give your partner ideas as you are able to torture a person yourself. Know what the other is capable of. That is the basics of partnerships.”
She traced an ice symbol on the man’s thigh as Ano flushed. They were one of the strongest partnerships in the School. They had not been chided like that in years.
“Now cold,” Mistress Moki continued as her spell slowly expanded, “must be controlled carefully and can only be used for a brief period of time. Cold can easily kill, as we know, and it kills those of the aquatic races faster than humans. Happily, our present captive is a human and can take quite a bit of cold before his organs shit down. Intense cold will also kill small sections of a person, but that isn’t something we want for our entertainment tomorrow. Akane.”
“Heat,” she said immediately. “Not an open flame burning, but controlled heat, particularly as a counter-point to the cold.”
“Excellent.” Mistress Moki drew a fire symbol right over where the ice one had been. She pressed her finger into it. The skin turned red. The man bit the gag in an effort not to scream, his whole body tight. “Anyone else?”
“Suffocation,” Yaki offered.
Mistress Moki gave him a reproving look. “Not everyone can choke someone unconscious.”
Yaki shook his head, not meeting her eyes. “No need. It can be done with magic too.” He shook out the small feather tied to his foci bracelet and held it over the man’s chest. Taking a deep breath, he trailed the feather up his chest and throat. The prisoner exhaled behind the gag. Yaki held the feather over the man’s mouth. He began to struggle as he could not inhale. Ano smiled at the clever use of his partner’s spell. Yaki always came up with interesting solutions.
“That’s enough,” Mistress Moki said with a purr. Yaki pulled his hand away and let the man breathe again. “That is an excellent use of a spell, and it’s one that can be used to knock someone unconscious with magic. It’s more effective on humans than okiri or atlupac of course, but humans will be common opponents. It’s a good idea to know techniques for how to defeat each of the different types of people you could be facing.”
“Along the suffocation lines,” Ano said, not to be outdone by his partner, “there’s drowning.”
“As torture, not execution?” Izelana asked.
Ano nodded, wondering if Mistress Moki would take it amiss if he summoned water in from the sea. He might make a mess, and that she would take exception to. “It could be done physically or with magic. Just hold their head in the water long enough to make them start choking. As long as you let them breathe once in a while, they should survive long enough to give you what you need.”
“Yes,” Mistress Moki said, pointing at him with approval. “Many methods of killing people are quite painful if you stop before the point of death. Part of what we will be doing in this class for the next six months is teaching you how to bring people to that limit before crossing over. Today will be largely a demonstration of things to come.” She went to the door and had a word with one of the silent servants that waited outside.
“Now,” she continued, “there are techniques you can use with a blade. Channeling heat through it will cauterize the wound, which is of course not what we’re looking for today. Electricity can do the same thing. But salt.” The silent servants returned with a knock on the door. Mistress Moki took the gourd of salt water and hung it on a peg on the wall. She picked up a small obsidian knife and turned back to her captive. “Salt does wonderful things to an open wound.”
She set the knife against the man’s side. He tried to jerk away, but the ropes he was held with would not let him go far. She pressed the edge into the soft flesh until blood welled up, then slowly drew the knife down to his hip. “The thing about using knives to torture rather than kill is that you can really only make superficial cuts. Anything along here,” she trailed the bloody tip of the knife over his abdomen, “and he’ll likely die no matter how skilled the healers are. That’s true of all three races. The ribs offer some protection.” She trailed the knife up his ribs, just catching the skin over the ribs and leaving a dotted line of cuts. “As long as you don’t go between them your captive should survive.” She turned the knife and pushed it between the ribs, no more than a finger’s tip in depth. The man gasped.
Mistress Moki smiled and passed the knife to Samu. He took it while she picked up the gourd of salt water and poured it over the captive’s wounds. He screamed as it washed away the blood. The gag did not block as much of the noise as Ano expected. He wondered idly if there was a way to increase it with magic, without suffocating your captive has Yaki had done earlier. Pain was all well and good for interrogation, but all that screaming would just give him a headache.
It was something to consider.
Background: rebels have been caught and the MCs are being introduced to their Interrogation class a day early. Mistress Moki is the leader of the School. All the others are students.
“Now,” Mistress Moki said, piercing her four new students with her dark eyes, “what can you tell me about him?” She shook her finger at Keali as she started to answer. “Let the new kids try it first.” Keali smiled indulgently.
Ano analyzed the man before them. Human, obviously, and male. Few scars. Ano had to guess that binding someone’s arms and feet were standard procedure for torture, though he doubted the fingers would normally be so tightly bound. “He’s a mage,” Ano said. And not one that he had seen fighting against them yesterday. Interesting.
Mistress Moki focused on him. “Why do you say that?”
“Long hair,” Ano listed, “few scars, hands and mouth are bound to keep him from casting.”
“Very good. What else?”
“He’s from Konane,” Akane said.
Mistress Moki turned her gaze to the red-skinned half-breed. “Why?”
“Well, he’s a mage, and that’s the only island besides ours that’s accepting of mages. Plus, he wasn’t in the group that attacked us. He looks well taken care of, and that can only be Konane.”
“He wasn’t originally from Konane,” Yaki added. Ano glanced at his partner; Yaki was too calm, too still. It was like he was waiting for a fight, but his face held none of the excitement that usually came with sparring.
“If he’s not from Konane,” Mistress Moki asked, “where would he be from?”
“Lauli, of course.” Yaki looked up from his consideration of the man and briefly met Mistress Moki’s eyes. “They’re the only ones dumb enough to keep fighting.”
Mistress Moki smiled. “Very good. He is, in fact, originally from Lauli, though he has spent the last twenty years as an exile on Konane. He is, also, a mage and in fact the organizer of our most recent attack. Now,” Mistress Moki circled the table, trailing her fingers along the edge. The bound man watched her in fear. The students backed up to give her space. “Interrogating mages takes a bit more effort than your average person. You have to break their will before you can expect to get any useful information out of them. And how do you break their will?”
She looked to her favorite student, who answered readily. “Pain, Mistress Moki.”
Mistress Moki patted Keali’s short hair. “That’s right. We will hurt him and keep hurting him until he gives us what we need. Now, since we still want him to be able to fight tomorrow, we can’t do any permanent or serious damage. Nothing that can’t be healed in a day. Later on we’ll demonstrate a variety of other techniques when we don’t care about the state of the captive, but this one will be a treat tomorrow.” She trailed her nails over his cheek. The man glared up at her from behind his gag.
Mistress Moki smiled and looked up at her students. “Pain without damage.” She pointed at Yaki. “Go.”
Yaki hesitated. Ano looked at him in surprise. His partner always had a ready answer. It was part of what made him so annoying. “Knife wounds are easily healed,” he said finally.
“True enough,” Mistress Moiki said, “but that requires a more detailed knowledge of the body than most of our mages have at this point. Both sides of a partnership should be perfectly fluent in interrogation methods. Ano, what would you do?”
“Electricity,” he said immediately. “Painful with little exterior damage.”
Mistress Moki nodded. “Good, though hard to control. Most of the time, we must use our magics to kill. Torture takes a finer skill.” She traced a small lightning bolt on the man’s chest with her nail. As she finished the symbol a spark jumped from her to the man. He convulsed a bit back a scream. Mistress Moki gave Ano an approving smile and looked to the next partnership. “Izelana. What else?”
“Cold,” she said, after a brief hesitation.
“Localized or generalized?”
“Either,” Izelana responded.
Mistress Moki nodded and looked back at Yaki and Ano. “You should be just as able to give your partner ideas as you are able to torture a person yourself. Know what the other is capable of. That is the basics of partnerships.”
She traced an ice symbol on the man’s thigh as Ano flushed. They were one of the strongest partnerships in the School. They had not been chided like that in years.
“Now cold,” Mistress Moki continued as her spell slowly expanded, “must be controlled carefully and can only be used for a brief period of time. Cold can easily kill, as we know, and it kills those of the aquatic races faster than humans. Happily, our present captive is a human and can take quite a bit of cold before his organs shit down. Intense cold will also kill small sections of a person, but that isn’t something we want for our entertainment tomorrow. Akane.”
“Heat,” she said immediately. “Not an open flame burning, but controlled heat, particularly as a counter-point to the cold.”
“Excellent.” Mistress Moki drew a fire symbol right over where the ice one had been. She pressed her finger into it. The skin turned red. The man bit the gag in an effort not to scream, his whole body tight. “Anyone else?”
“Suffocation,” Yaki offered.
Mistress Moki gave him a reproving look. “Not everyone can choke someone unconscious.”
Yaki shook his head, not meeting her eyes. “No need. It can be done with magic too.” He shook out the small feather tied to his foci bracelet and held it over the man’s chest. Taking a deep breath, he trailed the feather up his chest and throat. The prisoner exhaled behind the gag. Yaki held the feather over the man’s mouth. He began to struggle as he could not inhale. Ano smiled at the clever use of his partner’s spell. Yaki always came up with interesting solutions.
“That’s enough,” Mistress Moki said with a purr. Yaki pulled his hand away and let the man breathe again. “That is an excellent use of a spell, and it’s one that can be used to knock someone unconscious with magic. It’s more effective on humans than okiri or atlupac of course, but humans will be common opponents. It’s a good idea to know techniques for how to defeat each of the different types of people you could be facing.”
“Along the suffocation lines,” Ano said, not to be outdone by his partner, “there’s drowning.”
“As torture, not execution?” Izelana asked.
Ano nodded, wondering if Mistress Moki would take it amiss if he summoned water in from the sea. He might make a mess, and that she would take exception to. “It could be done physically or with magic. Just hold their head in the water long enough to make them start choking. As long as you let them breathe once in a while, they should survive long enough to give you what you need.”
“Yes,” Mistress Moki said, pointing at him with approval. “Many methods of killing people are quite painful if you stop before the point of death. Part of what we will be doing in this class for the next six months is teaching you how to bring people to that limit before crossing over. Today will be largely a demonstration of things to come.” She went to the door and had a word with one of the silent servants that waited outside.
“Now,” she continued, “there are techniques you can use with a blade. Channeling heat through it will cauterize the wound, which is of course not what we’re looking for today. Electricity can do the same thing. But salt.” The silent servants returned with a knock on the door. Mistress Moki took the gourd of salt water and hung it on a peg on the wall. She picked up a small obsidian knife and turned back to her captive. “Salt does wonderful things to an open wound.”
She set the knife against the man’s side. He tried to jerk away, but the ropes he was held with would not let him go far. She pressed the edge into the soft flesh until blood welled up, then slowly drew the knife down to his hip. “The thing about using knives to torture rather than kill is that you can really only make superficial cuts. Anything along here,” she trailed the bloody tip of the knife over his abdomen, “and he’ll likely die no matter how skilled the healers are. That’s true of all three races. The ribs offer some protection.” She trailed the knife up his ribs, just catching the skin over the ribs and leaving a dotted line of cuts. “As long as you don’t go between them your captive should survive.” She turned the knife and pushed it between the ribs, no more than a finger’s tip in depth. The man gasped.
Mistress Moki smiled and passed the knife to Samu. He took it while she picked up the gourd of salt water and poured it over the captive’s wounds. He screamed as it washed away the blood. The gag did not block as much of the noise as Ano expected. He wondered idly if there was a way to increase it with magic, without suffocating your captive has Yaki had done earlier. Pain was all well and good for interrogation, but all that screaming would just give him a headache.
It was something to consider.