The end of an era.
[mood| 
melancholy ]
Still in shock at how quickly things can change.
I got the news this morning as I made the Internet rounds, after having been momentarily cut off due to a rather nasty storm that hit NYC last night.
I could literally feel the blood draining out of my face. Which is something that doesn't happen to me often - as a matter of fact, only three times before in my life, and I can clearly remember what triggered all three. They're memories I don't like to dwell on. I guess in a way, today can join those rankings.
Shock, and sorrow. I notice that I'm almost treating this like a death. Ridiculous, because it pales in comparison to all the horrible things that could happen to the guys. The message could have been that their van veered off the road - it could have been that the US lives were cancelled. Instead, this is just... the end of an era. Completing one chapter in a comical horror spooky story... and beginning another one.
But my emotions are just all over the place. Anger, which surprised me - who am I to be mad at anyone for inevitable change? I can't help it, though. I can't help that nagging little bit of me that goes "How could he do this?" To the other guys... to us? Bargaining - perhaps if we show them just how much we love them all at the US lives... he'll want to stay? Confusion, disappointment, pain. A state of grieving.
And yet, none of it matters. Nothing will change Zull's decision. All we can do is accept it, and be thankful for what we have. That The Candy Spooky Theater will be in the US for three straight nights. That of all the places in the world, Zull will be playing his last live as a member of this band right here on American soil. I'm deeply saddened, but also incredibly honored and thankful. We will get to experience a lineup that will not exist anymore after they return to Japan. The final words will be written on May 22, in a small bar in Baltimore, Maryland. We will bear witness to something not everyone will have the chance to experience.
With this news, I can no longer enjoy the lives the way I would have if they were just a beginning, instead of simultaneously an end. However, Zull's departure adds just that much more weight and significance to them, a new dimension. Sunday and Monday, I intend to put all negativity out of my mind and enjoy the show as an enthusiastic audience member, giving the band my all and forgetting everything else. But Tuesday... will be Zull's night. I'll make a beeline to his side of the stage if I can and take it all in, because it'll never come again. Breathe in, and burn the night into my mind forever.
I'm also in the process of making a banner to commemorate his final live with TCST. Sayonara, and ganbatte. We will never forget 2007.05.22. And hopefully I can get it to Zull somehow - or even better, unfurl it proudly during the last song and encore. I will continue to follow Zull in whatever path he chooses, you can be assured this will not be the last we see of his musical genius. And above all else, I will continue to support jack and Peggy and follow TCST as a new era begins. I am ready to accept the new member, whomever it may be, with open arms. I will enjoy hearing how new blood breathes new life into this constantly growing and evolving project. And I will be at the front of the line when they return to music, right there to welcome them back to America when it happens: Long time no see, boys! Long live The Candy Spooky Theater.
--------
drangedsymphony, I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but my AIM is atropine13 and should be working tonight if you want to contact me about anything - I so want you to be able to go to Baltimore now. Anyone reading this entry who was even entertaining the thought of going to one of these lives... I would sincerely recommend you buy your tickets and not miss this opportunity. You will never have this chance again.
Let's show Zull, jack, and Peggy just what kind of a going-away party America can give.
melancholy ]
Still in shock at how quickly things can change.
I got the news this morning as I made the Internet rounds, after having been momentarily cut off due to a rather nasty storm that hit NYC last night.
I could literally feel the blood draining out of my face. Which is something that doesn't happen to me often - as a matter of fact, only three times before in my life, and I can clearly remember what triggered all three. They're memories I don't like to dwell on. I guess in a way, today can join those rankings.
Shock, and sorrow. I notice that I'm almost treating this like a death. Ridiculous, because it pales in comparison to all the horrible things that could happen to the guys. The message could have been that their van veered off the road - it could have been that the US lives were cancelled. Instead, this is just... the end of an era. Completing one chapter in a comical horror spooky story... and beginning another one.
But my emotions are just all over the place. Anger, which surprised me - who am I to be mad at anyone for inevitable change? I can't help it, though. I can't help that nagging little bit of me that goes "How could he do this?" To the other guys... to us? Bargaining - perhaps if we show them just how much we love them all at the US lives... he'll want to stay? Confusion, disappointment, pain. A state of grieving.
And yet, none of it matters. Nothing will change Zull's decision. All we can do is accept it, and be thankful for what we have. That The Candy Spooky Theater will be in the US for three straight nights. That of all the places in the world, Zull will be playing his last live as a member of this band right here on American soil. I'm deeply saddened, but also incredibly honored and thankful. We will get to experience a lineup that will not exist anymore after they return to Japan. The final words will be written on May 22, in a small bar in Baltimore, Maryland. We will bear witness to something not everyone will have the chance to experience.
With this news, I can no longer enjoy the lives the way I would have if they were just a beginning, instead of simultaneously an end. However, Zull's departure adds just that much more weight and significance to them, a new dimension. Sunday and Monday, I intend to put all negativity out of my mind and enjoy the show as an enthusiastic audience member, giving the band my all and forgetting everything else. But Tuesday... will be Zull's night. I'll make a beeline to his side of the stage if I can and take it all in, because it'll never come again. Breathe in, and burn the night into my mind forever.
I'm also in the process of making a banner to commemorate his final live with TCST. Sayonara, and ganbatte. We will never forget 2007.05.22. And hopefully I can get it to Zull somehow - or even better, unfurl it proudly during the last song and encore. I will continue to follow Zull in whatever path he chooses, you can be assured this will not be the last we see of his musical genius. And above all else, I will continue to support jack and Peggy and follow TCST as a new era begins. I am ready to accept the new member, whomever it may be, with open arms. I will enjoy hearing how new blood breathes new life into this constantly growing and evolving project. And I will be at the front of the line when they return to music, right there to welcome them back to America when it happens: Long time no see, boys! Long live The Candy Spooky Theater.
--------
drangedsymphony, I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but my AIM is atropine13 and should be working tonight if you want to contact me about anything - I so want you to be able to go to Baltimore now. Anyone reading this entry who was even entertaining the thought of going to one of these lives... I would sincerely recommend you buy your tickets and not miss this opportunity. You will never have this chance again.
Let's show Zull, jack, and Peggy just what kind of a going-away party America can give.