(no subject)
Dear livejournal,
yes I am updating, it is not an elaborate ruse. It has been quite a while since a true update, so the rust is still a little thick around here.
I have been thinking. In a while, sometime soon in the grand scheme of things, I'll be moving away from here and moving away from everything and everyone I've ever known. And for what? Adventure, experiences, love, life, happiness, pain, anger, fear. These are the most important things.
My grandfather died this year, and with him all those memories I always wanted to ask about but was afraid, I got him rocks from the desert but I never gave them to him. I grieved with my family as we touched his abandoned body, we sat all day in that room, and it was hard to have him gone when I got there. If I had only left the night before like I'd said.
I am confused, I am tired, I am hurting. I am laying in the sun and snuggling and kissing and hugging. I am afraid, I am invincible. I am trying to make a difference and trying to exist.
For the past two weeks I have been terrified that I was pregnant. Three weeks late, nausea, paranoia. What would I do, who could I tell, how did this happen? I told no one. I told myself if I didn't get my period today I would go buy a pregnancy test. Happy I don't have to.
I am anxious, I am hopeful, I am looking forward to everything and looking fondly back upon everything. I am missing friends and lovers and everyone that shaped my everything.
I am okay.
I am alright.
I am so very happy.
And I love each and every one of you more than words can say.
(except those ones of course).
Sincerely,
Mandy.
yes I am updating, it is not an elaborate ruse. It has been quite a while since a true update, so the rust is still a little thick around here.
I have been thinking. In a while, sometime soon in the grand scheme of things, I'll be moving away from here and moving away from everything and everyone I've ever known. And for what? Adventure, experiences, love, life, happiness, pain, anger, fear. These are the most important things.
My grandfather died this year, and with him all those memories I always wanted to ask about but was afraid, I got him rocks from the desert but I never gave them to him. I grieved with my family as we touched his abandoned body, we sat all day in that room, and it was hard to have him gone when I got there. If I had only left the night before like I'd said.
I am confused, I am tired, I am hurting. I am laying in the sun and snuggling and kissing and hugging. I am afraid, I am invincible. I am trying to make a difference and trying to exist.
For the past two weeks I have been terrified that I was pregnant. Three weeks late, nausea, paranoia. What would I do, who could I tell, how did this happen? I told no one. I told myself if I didn't get my period today I would go buy a pregnancy test. Happy I don't have to.
I am anxious, I am hopeful, I am looking forward to everything and looking fondly back upon everything. I am missing friends and lovers and everyone that shaped my everything.
I am okay.
I am alright.
I am so very happy.
And I love each and every one of you more than words can say.
(except those ones of course).
Sincerely,
Mandy.