I Really Hope I Don't Fail My Finals......
I'm waiting for everything to come crashing down around me. I really am. I'm wondering how long I can get away with not studying up until less than an hour before all of my tests. I'm wondering how long I can procrastinate about EVERYTHING before it really bites me in the ass.
Case in point: It is now like 8:40. I have a final exam in approximately 2 hours. I have just spent the last half hour bullshitting an extra credit assignment that I knew about oh 2 weeks ago? After I'm done with that final I have another one like an hour later. Have I studied for that one? NO! I have a huge one tomorrow. Have I studied for that one? NO. Am I going to study at all for my French final? NO.
Sometimes I honestly feel like Keanu Reeves from the Devil's Advocate. It's like I can do no wrong. Everything just keeps going my way, and while I am extremely grateful, I can't help wondering why. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm the Devil's Daughter (though sometimes my mother would disagree!). I just don't understand how I can get away with half of the shit that I get away with.
It's not fair. I see people struggling with their stuff and then I just breeze through it. I actually feel very little pleasure when I do well. I feel guilt more than anything else. I think that's why I'm so determined to get out in 3 years. If school isn't that hard for me, I have to push myself in some other way. Thus my suicidal 25 credit hour semester. If I actually ace all of my classes next semester I will be thoroughly impressed. Then maybe I'll actually be happy with myself.
Now to all of you people reading this I realize that you're probably thinking I'm a whiny bitch and that if you were me you wouldn't be complaining. That's fine, you can think whatever you want. I probably am being a whiny bitch, but I would like to actually feel good about my accomplishments for once. That hasn't happened in a long time. The only A I actually earned this semester was the on my last test from Fairy Tales and the fucker didn't even give it to me, cause I didn't write my name on every fucking page. Asshole. If I get a B in that class I swear to God I'm getting him fired. And I am not even close to kidding. Even though I may not be proud of them, you do not fuck with my grades.
On an entirely different note, I had a really good night last night. All we did was lay there and talk for like 3 and a half hours. While I'm kinda irked that he STILL hasn't made a move, it was nice just laying there and not being worried about being groped. And I know that he wanted to try something but he was being a big wuss. Hahaha. That makes me laugh. Then it irritates me. But right now, it makes me laugh. I haven't felt close to someone like that in over a year. That's just sad. You know what else is sad? The fact that as of December 30th, I won't have gotten laid in a year. God that's bad.
Alright I should probably put on pants since Lisbeth is coming over soon. Or maybe I won't........
Expect a full-fledged rant soon. This was nothing. I still have the next year and a half to go off about.
Case in point: It is now like 8:40. I have a final exam in approximately 2 hours. I have just spent the last half hour bullshitting an extra credit assignment that I knew about oh 2 weeks ago? After I'm done with that final I have another one like an hour later. Have I studied for that one? NO! I have a huge one tomorrow. Have I studied for that one? NO. Am I going to study at all for my French final? NO.
Sometimes I honestly feel like Keanu Reeves from the Devil's Advocate. It's like I can do no wrong. Everything just keeps going my way, and while I am extremely grateful, I can't help wondering why. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm the Devil's Daughter (though sometimes my mother would disagree!). I just don't understand how I can get away with half of the shit that I get away with.
It's not fair. I see people struggling with their stuff and then I just breeze through it. I actually feel very little pleasure when I do well. I feel guilt more than anything else. I think that's why I'm so determined to get out in 3 years. If school isn't that hard for me, I have to push myself in some other way. Thus my suicidal 25 credit hour semester. If I actually ace all of my classes next semester I will be thoroughly impressed. Then maybe I'll actually be happy with myself.
Now to all of you people reading this I realize that you're probably thinking I'm a whiny bitch and that if you were me you wouldn't be complaining. That's fine, you can think whatever you want. I probably am being a whiny bitch, but I would like to actually feel good about my accomplishments for once. That hasn't happened in a long time. The only A I actually earned this semester was the on my last test from Fairy Tales and the fucker didn't even give it to me, cause I didn't write my name on every fucking page. Asshole. If I get a B in that class I swear to God I'm getting him fired. And I am not even close to kidding. Even though I may not be proud of them, you do not fuck with my grades.
On an entirely different note, I had a really good night last night. All we did was lay there and talk for like 3 and a half hours. While I'm kinda irked that he STILL hasn't made a move, it was nice just laying there and not being worried about being groped. And I know that he wanted to try something but he was being a big wuss. Hahaha. That makes me laugh. Then it irritates me. But right now, it makes me laugh. I haven't felt close to someone like that in over a year. That's just sad. You know what else is sad? The fact that as of December 30th, I won't have gotten laid in a year. God that's bad.
Alright I should probably put on pants since Lisbeth is coming over soon. Or maybe I won't........
Expect a full-fledged rant soon. This was nothing. I still have the next year and a half to go off about.