Post apocalyptic serenades...
It is 12/21/12 and I have survived the apocalypse. I don't know how, or why the cruel gods left me an internet connection, when I could be the only life left on the planet. It's 2:54 am and there's not a soul out on the streets. I can only assume the zombies have murdered every other soul in the world. The wind whips down the street wildly, like nuclear exchanges must have stirred up the atmosphere, or it's late fall in Washington, one of the two. It's pitch black out, I don't know if the apocalypse has blacked out the sun or if this is merely a temporary condition that will pass. I estimate there's enough food left in town for me to survive for at least 6 months, and probably enough alcohol to trade with any other survivors or intelligent zombies or mutants for further provisions for another 160 years. It is possible that the calamity that has struck the rest of humanity from the planet has endowed me with superhuman powers and/or functional immortality. Only time will tell.
As the last man, on earth, I have an overwhelming urge to call about 27 women from my past and leave nasty messages on their voicemail or anwering machines. Surely some of them must have survived, somewhere, long enough to take advantage of their oath to only fuck me if I were the last man on the planet. I have, so far, seen no zombies, but I have never seen germs either and I take it on faith they must be responsible for the sudden disappearance of the rest of humanity. Any survivors that I can find, will improve my survival chances by being zombie early warning systems/slower herd members in any necessary event that results in me fleeing very fast.
Tomorrow, a run to walmart, for small arms, groceries, car parts, alcohol, first aid kits, and lingerie. It's going to be a long, hard road to re-start civilization singlehandedly. But I am up for the task. First step, day after tomorrow, I start razing my neighbors houses to increase my tactical sight line. And for future crop planting. The deer are plentiful and can be baited by the simple expedient of putting something expensive in a flower bed and they approach within spitting range so I have no fear of starving. Day after that, I figure out what to call my new empire. Survival in dangerous situations is all about priorities. If any other isolated individuals survived, please contact me. I'm sure one of these cultural-dinosaurs around here has a ham radio somewhere. Especially if you are a hot chick. Who wants to help me re-start the human race. It's our noble and heroic duty. Radio me, kk? Over.
K.
As the last man, on earth, I have an overwhelming urge to call about 27 women from my past and leave nasty messages on their voicemail or anwering machines. Surely some of them must have survived, somewhere, long enough to take advantage of their oath to only fuck me if I were the last man on the planet. I have, so far, seen no zombies, but I have never seen germs either and I take it on faith they must be responsible for the sudden disappearance of the rest of humanity. Any survivors that I can find, will improve my survival chances by being zombie early warning systems/slower herd members in any necessary event that results in me fleeing very fast.
Tomorrow, a run to walmart, for small arms, groceries, car parts, alcohol, first aid kits, and lingerie. It's going to be a long, hard road to re-start civilization singlehandedly. But I am up for the task. First step, day after tomorrow, I start razing my neighbors houses to increase my tactical sight line. And for future crop planting. The deer are plentiful and can be baited by the simple expedient of putting something expensive in a flower bed and they approach within spitting range so I have no fear of starving. Day after that, I figure out what to call my new empire. Survival in dangerous situations is all about priorities. If any other isolated individuals survived, please contact me. I'm sure one of these cultural-dinosaurs around here has a ham radio somewhere. Especially if you are a hot chick. Who wants to help me re-start the human race. It's our noble and heroic duty. Radio me, kk? Over.
K.