My movie review
So the ladiesgirls and I watched a movie tonight. It was called The Dress Games. And the premise was, that boys had to wear dresses and girls had to wear pants. I think. I am not sure. The plot was poorly founded. Sorta, more tacked up there. It was more an excuse to have a cute hot girl running around the forest bleeding. And to have cameos from really cute little black girl. As far as i can tell. I'm no cinematographic connoisseur or anything, but from what I can tell, that was the purpose. Including, of course, the oh-so-heart-tugging, if vaguely colonial sentimentality when she died.
So anyway, every boy had to wear a dress. And there were these 12 districts. And each of them sent a boy and a girl to fight to the death. So that boys didn't have to wear dresses any more. I think. I am not sure I ever really caught the absurd premise entirely. But it was something like that.
And, anyway, they all fought to the death. And by the way? If you know how to use a bow, really, really well? You're still pretty much retarded for not picking up/using a knife/sword/spear/tree-branch-club when forced into melee combat. Archery!=melee combat skill. Hollywood is why people die when attacked. Because they make stupid fighting look sane and, you know, possible.
So anyway, the hot chick won. Which was a total surprise being as how she was the lead actress in the movie. And, surprisingly, the male lead won as well. So that there was some form of ambiguous love-story-like haze around the hypothetical plotline.
From what I understand, the sequel is coming out soon. And this time it's toddler-time. Like ages 4-8. And they get squirt guns full of acid and shoes pre-smeared with slug-guts to chase the girls around. Plus, every time they get snotty? Commercial break. Sorta like time outs taken by coaches on the field, that just happen to coincide with when the network needs to cut to commercial? Like that.
In summary, and retort, I felt this movie lacked too many redeeming characteristics not to have more skin shots in it. There were multiple opportunities to display her, and several other pre-legal teens nubile young bodies in exploitative and plot-un-necessary ways. However, despite have sad jiggly motion-cam action sequences and the briefest shellacking of a plot on top, its inability to display even a modicum of cleavage, let alone bare breasts rendered it completely unwatchable. I would have settled for some girl-girl sexual tension. Even in mid-fight. There wasn't even that cheap-shot. Hell there wasn't even any het, vanilla sexual tension, really. Unless you find the class suck up to be charming, and even then I'm pretty sure he'd have to be able to act, other than hurt.
You know you rock as an actor when 90% of your scenes involve you horizontal and bandaged up, acting like you're in pain to hide your wooden delivery and stoic performance, lack of chemistry with your leading lady, and in general in ability to convey emotion. All in all, I am glad that I got this movie for free and didn't have to pay for it. Also, if 24 mad killers are chasing you through the woods. Pick up a fucking tree branch. Please. Even if you know how to hunt or fence or knit or something. <3
K.
So anyway, every boy had to wear a dress. And there were these 12 districts. And each of them sent a boy and a girl to fight to the death. So that boys didn't have to wear dresses any more. I think. I am not sure I ever really caught the absurd premise entirely. But it was something like that.
And, anyway, they all fought to the death. And by the way? If you know how to use a bow, really, really well? You're still pretty much retarded for not picking up/using a knife/sword/spear/tree-branch-club when forced into melee combat. Archery!=melee combat skill. Hollywood is why people die when attacked. Because they make stupid fighting look sane and, you know, possible.
So anyway, the hot chick won. Which was a total surprise being as how she was the lead actress in the movie. And, surprisingly, the male lead won as well. So that there was some form of ambiguous love-story-like haze around the hypothetical plotline.
From what I understand, the sequel is coming out soon. And this time it's toddler-time. Like ages 4-8. And they get squirt guns full of acid and shoes pre-smeared with slug-guts to chase the girls around. Plus, every time they get snotty? Commercial break. Sorta like time outs taken by coaches on the field, that just happen to coincide with when the network needs to cut to commercial? Like that.
In summary, and retort, I felt this movie lacked too many redeeming characteristics not to have more skin shots in it. There were multiple opportunities to display her, and several other pre-legal teens nubile young bodies in exploitative and plot-un-necessary ways. However, despite have sad jiggly motion-cam action sequences and the briefest shellacking of a plot on top, its inability to display even a modicum of cleavage, let alone bare breasts rendered it completely unwatchable. I would have settled for some girl-girl sexual tension. Even in mid-fight. There wasn't even that cheap-shot. Hell there wasn't even any het, vanilla sexual tension, really. Unless you find the class suck up to be charming, and even then I'm pretty sure he'd have to be able to act, other than hurt.
You know you rock as an actor when 90% of your scenes involve you horizontal and bandaged up, acting like you're in pain to hide your wooden delivery and stoic performance, lack of chemistry with your leading lady, and in general in ability to convey emotion. All in all, I am glad that I got this movie for free and didn't have to pay for it. Also, if 24 mad killers are chasing you through the woods. Pick up a fucking tree branch. Please. Even if you know how to hunt or fence or knit or something. <3
K.