Heinlein-ian!

[khall]

       My new metaphor: You and your husband/wife are sailing on a yacht called 'your marriage'. When it sinks, in the strait of choice in between the isle of kink and the vanilla mainland, and you and your unconscious spouse are left floating there in a life raft, you have two choices. Jump overboard and speed-swim toward the island, or sit out

Comments

[anais_pf]

Gah. I know I am in a bad mood because this should have at least made me smile. Maybe I need explained to me again what "perfect value" is and how I get it. :/

[khall]

*hugs* I am sorry you were in a bad mood and I hate it that this upset you.

It's exactly what you're doing. When you were married still, you couldn't have the life you have now. Because you didn't 'pay' for it. By leaving your husband, by taking the emotional, financial, etc risk. Now, you're paying for it. 100%. Missing your husband, chasing your new life. It is hard and difficult and scary and stressful. But better. That's called 'perfect value'. You can't stay married to your husband, and have a full, fulfilling kinky life. Because...life just doesn't work like that, and when we try to make it..we end up just screwing ourselves. That's all. Ultimate cost means, you pay everything. You hurt for it. Bleed for it. Sweat and cry. Perfect cost means...what you get, is yours. You own it. You deserve all the good and some of the bad. Because you earned it. I think of it as...living life honestly and...without hindrance.

K.

[anais_pf]

Yes. I just feel like I am still paying more than I am getting. It's early days though, and I will see how things play out. I certainly can't go back now, anyway.

[khall]

       I get that too. But...from a pure physics/economics point of view? There are things like inertia, surface tension, thermal transformations (the energy required to get from 1 degree below boiling, for water, to boiling is massive compared to all previous energy gains in the process.) In economics we talk about entry barriers, costs of setup, etc. I'm not saying...you're wrong. Or...oh gee, look how this makes sense. You may very well be perceiving a problem with the philosophy that I have not seen before. I would like to know and find out if that is so. But...as a former busadm major I know that everything always seems to cost more than it should to the consumer, too. Monogamy is a sacrifice too. You can get all the things you're missing now...and have to give up the parts you're enjoying now. It's not like...poly is a better deal. Just different. A minivan instead of a motorcycle, maybe. Or the other way around. Everything has costs and benefits. It might be that the costs outweigh the benefits, in poly, or for you, or in the

[anais_pf]

I think all I'm saying is that I don't feel like I have gotten what I paid for just yet. But things are still shaking out. I remind myself that it has only been a little less than six months I've been only my own. I've done some amazing things and had some amazing times, and I do feel very loved and cared for, so -- I can wait.