Perusing Penises in the Park (no, seriously) and some street harassment stories

[khalinche]

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ETA 16/06/09Phew, what a load of comments! I really appreciate everyone's contributions to this, and am very glad to say that it's all been respectful and mutually supportive and especially the comments by men have been thoughtful and humble and generally something to be

Comments

[pfy]

This is very well written. And yes, I can completely believe that you and other women get that much crap (and fear of possible crap) on a regular basis.

When someone writes "men do X", it is easy to take that to mean "all men do X". I can understand why someone would feel unfairly maligned, even though I also agree that saying so doesn't lead to useful discussion. I think you have largely avoided the problem here by explaining things with clarity, wit, and calmness - certainly your post left me thoughtful rather than defensive.

Today it's the story of what it's like to live with the constant possibility of having your appearance or person commented on, loudly, by strangers, and of being on your guard many times a day.

I can empathise to some extent. That description exactly fits the year or so I lived in Gloucester. Extrapolating that experience to "most places, most of the time" is a depressing thought, given that I felt like I was living in some godawful cross between Royston Vasey and Innsmouth.

I would be interested to hear if any men have, in fact, come the wrong side of a group of rambunctious female construction workers

Not exactly, but I've had a very drunk young lady latch onto me on the Tube and try very insistently to kiss me, all the way from Bank to Mile End. She happened to be one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen in my life, but the sheer weirdness of it meant I had more of an 'smile politely and edge away' response than anything.

This was not a coherent comment, and I'm not even sure there's a point in it anywhere, but that is because I should have been in bed three hours ago.

[khalinche]

Thank you, you are lovely as ever.

I've had a very drunk young lady latch onto me on the Tube and try very insistently to kiss me, all the way from Bank to Mile End. She happened to be one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen in my life, but the sheer weirdness of it meant I had more of an 'smile politely and edge away' response than anything.

Well, that makes you one of the men cereta was asking about, who _wouldn't_ take advantage of someone who was too drunk to know better. But maybe she thought you were also the most gorgeous man she'd ever met! You might have just left her your phone number for when she sobered up.

[khalinche]

There are 16 commenters on this entry so far and you are the only straight/cis male among them. (I'm not counting cos because he was directed from the OP). What do you think of that?

[pfy]

If you're asking me to speculate about other people's motives for not commenting, I think it would be very presumptious of me to do so.

Oh, dunno if this counts - I have been approached in the street for sex on the way home from one of your parties. All circumstances considered, I suspect she was a junkie needing money for her next fix, rather than someone for whom sex work was an actual job. The pushiness was more sad than threatening, though. I ended up giving her a hug.

And I've had a guy try to hook up with me in a public toilet, which was rather creepy. But he soon stopped trying after I did not reciprocate. I assume that cottaging etiquette says "if you don't get any response, the other guy probably really is just having a shit, and you shouldn't push your luck".

Non-sexual harassment based on looks is a more common experience for me (every few months rather than it being an everyday thing, though). And I do get somewhat nervous walking past random lurkers and groups of rowdy drunks, though I probably don't experience actual harassment as often as a woman would in that situation. Once you come and live near me, it would be instructive to compare how often we each get hassled in particular areas and situations.

[ellierany]

I live in Gloucester. Fortunately I live in Longlevens, where it's bad enough but, relative to anywhere else in Gloucester, not terrible. If I venture anywhere else in Gloucester if gets five times worse. I try to avoid it. I'm moving as soon as I can.