Comments | kh_drabble: Challenge 237: We Three

faorism in kh_drabble

Challenge 237: We Three

Aug 18, 2010 16:48

Title: We Three
Challenge: [237] Carpe Diem
Word Count: 550.
Notes: M. Featuring Riku/Sora, Riku/Roxas and past!Axel/Roxas. Polyamory.

( I wake to find Riku's weight pressed upon me, him thinking you're still you. )

ooo_faor_ooo

Comments 9

punjab_banks August 19 2010, 02:32:14 UTC

i like you and i like this. the first person is great, your characterization is lovely, and little things like the cigarette detail are especially cool.

faorism August 19 2010, 04:12:52 UTC

Haha. Thanks. I am usually really conservative with my POV and ship choices, but I didn't to (as the prompt says) seize the day. Oh, and I'm really happy that I managed their characterizations well enough!

06seconds_left August 20 2010, 05:41:23 UTC

This is interesting. I love the bit about the cigarettes and how Roxas sees green instead of blue. And much love for the last two lines. XD

(Although I think you're missing a word in that second last line? Unless I'm mistaken?)

faorism August 20 2010, 05:52:26 UTC

I really wanted to focus on how the three would handle each other and the fact that Roxas is still mourning in his own way. :)

(Techincally, what goes there is "bitch"-such a dirty mouth, Roxas! Riku disrupts Roxas midthought with his line, so Roxas doesn't get the chance to curse in his head. ...if that makes sense!)

06seconds_left August 20 2010, 06:17:43 UTC

(Haha, his dirty mouth is influenced by his mourning. XD Although I meant the next bit. "I won't say name of mine if you don't say the name of yours." I was thinking that there should be a 'the' before 'name of mine' but I guess it still works without it. Sorry for the trouble!)

faorism August 20 2010, 06:19:17 UTC

(OH. Oh yeah, there needs to be a 'the' there! I must have read that line two dozen times already... How did I miss that? Thanks so much for catching it!)

Thread 5

euphonious_glow August 21 2010, 02:05:28 UTC

There are a lot of Sora & Roxas inhabiting the same body drabbles in this comm lately.... and I'm quite pleased with how they've turned out. Very nicely written. I love how they're both so different to Riku and he loves them both, in their own unique ways. The 2nd person POV works really well in this kind of fic.

Excellent. ♥

faorism August 21 2010, 17:48:33 UTC

That's an odd trend indeed. (I'm terribly behind in reading, so I didn't know!)

I think you summarized Riku perfectly. I cannot see Riku in a relationship with Sora neglecting a part of Sora, even if that means opening up to the possibility of taking care of Roxas' needs and eventually, falling in love with him as well.

(And as for the POVs, I just always really wanted to use 1st, 2nd and 3rd person in the same fiction. Seize the day, y/y!)

Thank you. ♥