(Untitled)

[kat7077]

Challenge: [166] Drink Me
Title: the democratic art of persuasion
Word Count: 511
Summary: axel and roxas. one empty can of soda.
Warnings: first time poster, and all that entails.

Comments

[roterhimmel]

Oh, I really like this. Both seem nicely IC, to me. Second person POV worked really well, and your writing was so poignant. Two sentences I really love:

but your beliefs are carved into your bones, pumped through your veins, wrapped within the strands of your DNA.
&
dig your fingers into his bones until they snap and you can replace them with your own.

[kat7077]

thank you! i'm glad the 2-pov was all right (that worried me). IC is important, especially since i'm not venturing too far out of canon, so that's very good (for me to know).

[oreo_81369_17]

oooooooo pooor....whichever one got in the face haha i like how it was written tho like hellla

[kat7077]

(lmao. that would be roxas)

thank you! glad you liked the "style", although i probably made it too vague.

[nimoe]

It was a little hard to follow for me, but I read it again, and I think Axel was the main person. (Yes, yes?)

That was the feeling I got. Still, despite being a bit confused, I felt like there was something about this that was beautiful and wanting/needy. I liked it a lot.

[kat7077]

(yes. that was axel. i swear i'll make it more obvious in the future.)

thank you! you stuck with it, despite being confused by my (overly) vague writing, so here's a smiley face guy:

:-)

[michele_bell]

Haha, like all of your stuff, I read it twice because it's that awesome. Really, your writing is so original and I love it.

His hair is plastered to his face in limp curls and you want to kiss him, taste the artificial syrup on his skin, dig your fingers into his bones until they snap and you can replace them with your own.

Holy fucking shit fucks. That line blows my mind to oblivion. That is one of the most impressive things I've ever read.

I didn't realize I was Axel until you said "boy you call your best friend" but it was so cool to read this in second person and you DID NOT fail.

You don't like it when his mind drifts too far away. Yes, because that leds to him leaving... I love how you write Axel and how it's usually from his POV. Most stories are Roxas-centric, and there isn't enough lovely, angsty, caring Axel in the world. Most of the time I can never read from Axel's POV, but yours is so wonderful...

<3

[kat7077]

lmao. you. stop being so sweet. <3333

YES! i read over it again and thought, 'wow, nobody's going to get who the narrator is', but you did! ;) *builds you a monument*

*builds you a bigger monument*

hrr. 2-pov is interesting to write in. i'm so relieved you liked it.

(axelaxelaxel. love how you write him. wish i could write like you.)

[suddenchangeofh]

Every line here is like an plot idea for another story - I have no idea how you can write so poignantly (that is exactly the word) with such restraint. Like scalpels... everything pared right down to the quick... I have so much envy for how you write :)

This second person thing is really rather effective, too.

"Once, you wake up with sparks behind your eyes and soot beneath your nails. Alone and trembling on a dark beach, the moon choking not too far up above, somebody wraps you in a slick black coat and drags you home" <3

[kat7077]

Every line here is like an plot idea for another story

as somebody who writes when it is not necessarily required, that means a lot to me. really. thank you!

(and scalpels! such a lovely metaphor.)