big bang, seungri-centric, #3 (1/2)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 02:48:12 UTC
the door slams. seungri's been jolted awake to the same exact sound too many times the past few months to really let it bother him, instea he just hoists himself up on one elbow and cocks his head, trying to pick up the voices from the argument he knows is bound to happen. everything's eerie and quiet for a few moments, then there's a mumbled voice and jiyong's bordering-on-harsh replies.
the sharpness of his voice and the consistently too low replies makes it easy to know that it's seunghyun who came home far too late this time.
it seems to go on forever, but it's probably not more than a few minutes. it's not as if they haven't gone over this before, after all. schedules versus enjoyment. sleep versus staying healthy. responsibilities versus rebellion. they all try to blow off steam their own way, try not to let it get too bad. seungri doesn't really blame seunghyun for wanting to just hang out with his friends and not think of work, but that doesn't stop jiyong from berating him for it - even if jiyong was the one who came home at the crack of dawn just a couple of days ago. hypocrite. they all are.
"goodnight," comes seunghyun's voice, loud now, from outside seungri's voice. jiyong curses in response, but it does end the conversation. for now. this probably means another tense breakfast in which jiyong and seunghyun don't acknowledge each other and youngbae stares them both down and daesung cracks awkward jokes in a misguided attempt to either break the tension or get some attention.
fuck all of this.
seungri sighs and lies back down, tries to go back to sleep. he has a headache.
-
they're in japan for what feels like the tenth time so far this month alone, and seungri can't sleep. maybe it's the sake he downed when the others weren't looking, maybe it's all the traveling, maybe it's all the work, maybe it's the knowledge that everyone insisted on having their own room this time around. seunghyun and jiyong aren't even on the same floor.
seungri spends his days surrounded by people, these four people he feels like he knows better than he knows himself, and he watches them slowly become strangers to each other. it happens slowly, then suddenly. yesterday they were laughing and sharing meals, today they don't even say goodnight to each other. eating together is out of the question. going out together is an outlandish notion. normal conversations? haven't happened in ages.
seungri spends these nights in japan curled up on the broad windowsill, staring out on tokyo far underneath him. he watches the lights and the moon moving across the sky and tries to find the stars he knows are supposed to be there. he falls asleep with his head against the window and wakes up again with a pain in his neck that refuses to go away again.
-
daesung's accident shakes them. for a week or so, seungri thinks (hopeshopeshopes) that everything will go back to normal. they go to the hospital together, they bring gifts, they cheer daesung up as best they can. jiyong laughs with actual feeling behind it. seunghyun's smiles reach his eyes. the permanent frown on youngbae's face eases. seungri settles between them, finds his place with ease because this, this he knows how to do.
then daesung comes home, and jiyong goes back to living in the studio and seunghyun goes back to filming and youngbae goes back to living in a different studio and seungri watches daesung's mood deteriorate day by day because nobody seems to give a crap about him anymore and seungri wants to do something but he doesn't know what. he takes daesung out a couple of times, but the spaces between them are too large for him to fill and he gives up when it starts to do more harm than good. once upon a time he used to believe that being the magnae was all he would ever have to know how to do.
Re: big bang, seungri-centric, #3 (1/2)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 02:48:40 UTC
by the time they're back in japan with daesung for the first time, seungri can't even remember the last time they ate a meal together, all five of them. both jiyong and seunghyun arrive late; jiyong looks too skinny and too pale and seunghyun looks too tired. youngbae looks too stressed and daesung looks too sad. seungri tries not to think about what he looks like.
all of them seem to have lost the ability to hold a conversation, and this time, seungri's the one cracking the awkward jokes to break the tension. it doesn't really work.
-
youngbae yells. seungri's in the next room and he stares at his own reflection in the mirror, wondering if he's started to hallucinate, because youngbae doesn't yell. he never yells.
except that today, he does.
seungri stands rooted to the spot, listening to the string of swearing and frustrations coming from the next room. he has no idea who they're directed at, but he hopes it's not daesung. it takes minutes for everything to go quiet again, before there's a slam of a door and the sound of rushed footsteps.
youngbae doesn't come back to the apartment at all for the next week. when he finally does come back, his curses mix in with jiyong and seunghyun's until seungri can't tell which one of them is having the worst day, the worst week, the worst month.
-
seungri is alone in the apartment for three blissfully peaceful and quiet nights. it's the best he has slept in months.
he finds himself wishing that the others won't come back, and hates himself for it. but only a little.
Re: big bang, seungri-centric, #3 (1/2)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 02:52:53 UTC
omg anon, this is so heartwrenching but i absolutely love this. i think you captured everything about this situation so well that it hurts my heart a bit ;___;
Re: big bang, seungri-centric, #3 (1/2)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 02:58:38 UTC
♥ it vaguely hurt to write, ngl. ;______; i blame whatever anon that posted the whole "big bang in 2009" thing for this, sobs, i couldn't get it out of my head again.
Re: big bang, seungri-centric, #3 (1/2)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 03:25:14 UTC
anon who wrote about the bb in 2009 situ and i loved this. you just got everything about that time right and it made me want to go back and watch vids of them in 2010 to reassure myself that it was alright by then.
it's weird because one of the few other fics i've read about the rift between daesung and the rest of the boys also has seungri trying to bridge the gap.
Re: big bang, seungri-centric, #3 (1/2)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 03:36:00 UTC
ahh, thank you! and thank you for the inspiration, however depressing it is, lol. idk, something about that whole thread really struck a chord with me, maybe cos it's so easy to see big bang as pretty much the prototype of a healthy, happy group and being reminded that they've had their issues too has a lot of impact. idek what i'm saying anymore.
i guess it's cos they were actually doing stuff together so it kinda seemed like the year was all... gdybtop vs daeri? that's probably how my mind decided to see it, anyway.
Re: big bang, seungri-centric, #3 (1/2)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 03:48:24 UTC
we should both really be thanking the anon who asked for the gdybtop meta and then asked me to elaborate about their horrible 2009. no, i understand. maybe it's because they went on hiatus for 2 years, but i've seen a lot of people say bb have had a problem-free 5 years.
yeah, that makes complete sense and i actually like the daeri angle because seungri is the most emotional of them all and wears his heart on his sleeve. i actually just re-read that fic and i remember thinking then as well that daeri would not have been my first choice because top and daesung seem to be a package deal always and top seemed to be the only one daesung was responding to at that time. but both of you made it work.
the sharpness of his voice and the consistently too low replies makes it easy to know that it's seunghyun who came home far too late this time.
it seems to go on forever, but it's probably not more than a few minutes. it's not as if they haven't gone over this before, after all. schedules versus enjoyment. sleep versus staying healthy. responsibilities versus rebellion. they all try to blow off steam their own way, try not to let it get too bad. seungri doesn't really blame seunghyun for wanting to just hang out with his friends and not think of work, but that doesn't stop jiyong from berating him for it - even if jiyong was the one who came home at the crack of dawn just a couple of days ago. hypocrite. they all are.
"goodnight," comes seunghyun's voice, loud now, from outside seungri's voice. jiyong curses in response, but it does end the conversation. for now. this probably means another tense breakfast in which jiyong and seunghyun don't acknowledge each other and youngbae stares them both down and daesung cracks awkward jokes in a misguided attempt to either break the tension or get some attention.
fuck all of this.
seungri sighs and lies back down, tries to go back to sleep. he has a headache.
-
they're in japan for what feels like the tenth time so far this month alone, and seungri can't sleep. maybe it's the sake he downed when the others weren't looking, maybe it's all the traveling, maybe it's all the work, maybe it's the knowledge that everyone insisted on having their own room this time around. seunghyun and jiyong aren't even on the same floor.
seungri spends his days surrounded by people, these four people he feels like he knows better than he knows himself, and he watches them slowly become strangers to each other. it happens slowly, then suddenly. yesterday they were laughing and sharing meals, today they don't even say goodnight to each other. eating together is out of the question. going out together is an outlandish notion. normal conversations? haven't happened in ages.
seungri spends these nights in japan curled up on the broad windowsill, staring out on tokyo far underneath him. he watches the lights and the moon moving across the sky and tries to find the stars he knows are supposed to be there. he falls asleep with his head against the window and wakes up again with a pain in his neck that refuses to go away again.
-
daesung's accident shakes them. for a week or so, seungri thinks (hopeshopeshopes) that everything will go back to normal. they go to the hospital together, they bring gifts, they cheer daesung up as best they can. jiyong laughs with actual feeling behind it. seunghyun's smiles reach his eyes. the permanent frown on youngbae's face eases. seungri settles between them, finds his place with ease because this, this he knows how to do.
then daesung comes home, and jiyong goes back to living in the studio and seunghyun goes back to filming and youngbae goes back to living in a different studio and seungri watches daesung's mood deteriorate day by day because nobody seems to give a crap about him anymore and seungri wants to do something but he doesn't know what. he takes daesung out a couple of times, but the spaces between them are too large for him to fill and he gives up when it starts to do more harm than good. once upon a time he used to believe that being the magnae was all he would ever have to know how to do.
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all of them seem to have lost the ability to hold a conversation, and this time, seungri's the one cracking the awkward jokes to break the tension. it doesn't really work.
-
youngbae yells. seungri's in the next room and he stares at his own reflection in the mirror, wondering if he's started to hallucinate, because youngbae doesn't yell. he never yells.
except that today, he does.
seungri stands rooted to the spot, listening to the string of swearing and frustrations coming from the next room. he has no idea who they're directed at, but he hopes it's not daesung. it takes minutes for everything to go quiet again, before there's a slam of a door and the sound of rushed footsteps.
youngbae doesn't come back to the apartment at all for the next week. when he finally does come back, his curses mix in with jiyong and seunghyun's until seungri can't tell which one of them is having the worst day, the worst week, the worst month.
-
seungri is alone in the apartment for three blissfully peaceful and quiet nights. it's the best he has slept in months.
he finds himself wishing that the others won't come back, and hates himself for it. but only a little.
maybe this is what disbandment feels like.
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this is perfect and so very relevant to the 2009 bb thread above. it's so angsty, but a good angsty. loved it. write more please.
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it's weird because one of the few other fics i've read about the rift between daesung and the rest of the boys also has seungri trying to bridge the gap.
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i guess it's cos they were actually doing stuff together so it kinda seemed like the year was all... gdybtop vs daeri? that's probably how my mind decided to see it, anyway.
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yeah, that makes complete sense and i actually like the daeri angle because seungri is the most emotional of them all and wears his heart on his sleeve. i actually just re-read that fic and i remember thinking then as well that daeri would not have been my first choice because top and daesung seem to be a package deal always and top seemed to be the only one daesung was responding to at that time. but both of you made it work.
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