rythms that never come clean (and strengths that you still haven't seen).
we fall apart daily, and nightly, and ever-so-rightly.
all of the stuffing comes out of us, one way or another, and gets pulled apart more once it has exited us.
so here i am learning to sew, learning to stitch not so that it looks nice but so that it holds, so that i will not fall apart again: not that way, not in that same place.
licking the thread, twisting it between my fingers and helping it find its way into the eye of the needle; pushing that needle in, pulling it out, tugging it taut, tight.
i am learning to fill myself, to stuff my face, to not be left empty. to let it enter me iand to keep it there, however i can. whatever it is. i am learning what it is, what is worth keeping. what i can live with being full of.
***
1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
i actually think it was.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
impossible.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
impossible as well.
4) Where were you when 2007 began?
oh my fucking lord. i was on a street near haidan smithwilliams house, ruining my argle socks on the wet pavement and very conscious of the fact that oshea didn't make it. long time ago, i guess.
5) Who were you with?
haidan, heather bishop, her boyfriend from cv, kayla waldorf, kat...
6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
don't know yet.
7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
don't really know that either, for sure. i know who i'd like to be with.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
hell if i remember what it was...i may or may not have made one. i'm big on this shit though, so i probably did.
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
hm. i should make one. love myself. i think that's a good one. spend the whole fucking year in love with who i am.
10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
yes
11) If yes, with who?
i don't like this question, for some reason. i'm always falling in love.
12) If yes, do they know?
i try to make sure everyone i love knows it.
13) Are you still in love with them?
i certainly still love. as far is in love, most of them.
14) Do you regret it?
aww naw, hell naw, boy.
15) Did you break up with anyone in 2007?
yes indeed.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2007?
fuck yeah i did.
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
no fair.
18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
impossible!
19) Did you travel outside of your country in 2007?
don't think so.
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2007?
nevada, washington.
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
yes.
22) Did you miss anyone this year?
in many moments, yes.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
not happening. there were tons.
24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
also tons. portions for foxes, rilo kiley; independence day, ani d; an assortment of modest mouse, perhaps most notably karma's payment; daylight, aesop rock; la familia, mirah; etc. etc.
25) What was your favorite record from 2007?
impossible.
26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
bumbershoot, weakerthans, mirah...not nearly as many as i would've liked to.
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
weakerthans was pretty fucking incredible--just that we saw them freshman year and got the chance to see them again our senior year.
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
more than i did in oh-six. i made out pretty lame though. not very much.
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
nyet.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
three
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
probably. in general though, i try to look at everything as a growth opportunity.
32) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?
ehh. nothing springs to mind.
33)did you treat someone badly this year?
inadvertantly, i am sure that i did.
34) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
we all treat each other the best we know how at the time. i was hurt by people, but we're all doing the best that we can.
35) How much money did you spend in 2007?
sick, but i have no idea.
36) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
don't think i could pick just one...it's an interesting thing to mull over though. i'm not used to pointing to my accomplishments in that manner. or thinking about things i've done that i actually feel really proud of.
37) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
lord. i don't know. perhaps the day of pain. that was pretty fucking embarrassing. it was less of a moment and more a day. or maybe more three wasted years of my life.
38) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?
fuck it. if i changed anything i'd be in a different place right now, and this feels like where i need to be. my mom has imbued in me this belief that the world is unfolding as it should. i find it hard to shake.
39) What are your plans for 2008?
grow my hair out, i think. graduate from high school. go to college. love love love.
all of the stuffing comes out of us, one way or another, and gets pulled apart more once it has exited us.
so here i am learning to sew, learning to stitch not so that it looks nice but so that it holds, so that i will not fall apart again: not that way, not in that same place.
licking the thread, twisting it between my fingers and helping it find its way into the eye of the needle; pushing that needle in, pulling it out, tugging it taut, tight.
i am learning to fill myself, to stuff my face, to not be left empty. to let it enter me iand to keep it there, however i can. whatever it is. i am learning what it is, what is worth keeping. what i can live with being full of.
***
1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
i actually think it was.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
impossible.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
impossible as well.
4) Where were you when 2007 began?
oh my fucking lord. i was on a street near haidan smithwilliams house, ruining my argle socks on the wet pavement and very conscious of the fact that oshea didn't make it. long time ago, i guess.
5) Who were you with?
haidan, heather bishop, her boyfriend from cv, kayla waldorf, kat...
6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
don't know yet.
7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
don't really know that either, for sure. i know who i'd like to be with.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
hell if i remember what it was...i may or may not have made one. i'm big on this shit though, so i probably did.
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
hm. i should make one. love myself. i think that's a good one. spend the whole fucking year in love with who i am.
10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
yes
11) If yes, with who?
i don't like this question, for some reason. i'm always falling in love.
12) If yes, do they know?
i try to make sure everyone i love knows it.
13) Are you still in love with them?
i certainly still love. as far is in love, most of them.
14) Do you regret it?
aww naw, hell naw, boy.
15) Did you break up with anyone in 2007?
yes indeed.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2007?
fuck yeah i did.
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
no fair.
18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
impossible!
19) Did you travel outside of your country in 2007?
don't think so.
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2007?
nevada, washington.
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
yes.
22) Did you miss anyone this year?
in many moments, yes.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
not happening. there were tons.
24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
also tons. portions for foxes, rilo kiley; independence day, ani d; an assortment of modest mouse, perhaps most notably karma's payment; daylight, aesop rock; la familia, mirah; etc. etc.
25) What was your favorite record from 2007?
impossible.
26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
bumbershoot, weakerthans, mirah...not nearly as many as i would've liked to.
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
weakerthans was pretty fucking incredible--just that we saw them freshman year and got the chance to see them again our senior year.
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
more than i did in oh-six. i made out pretty lame though. not very much.
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
nyet.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
three
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
probably. in general though, i try to look at everything as a growth opportunity.
32) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?
ehh. nothing springs to mind.
33)did you treat someone badly this year?
inadvertantly, i am sure that i did.
34) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
we all treat each other the best we know how at the time. i was hurt by people, but we're all doing the best that we can.
35) How much money did you spend in 2007?
sick, but i have no idea.
36) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
don't think i could pick just one...it's an interesting thing to mull over though. i'm not used to pointing to my accomplishments in that manner. or thinking about things i've done that i actually feel really proud of.
37) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
lord. i don't know. perhaps the day of pain. that was pretty fucking embarrassing. it was less of a moment and more a day. or maybe more three wasted years of my life.
38) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?
fuck it. if i changed anything i'd be in a different place right now, and this feels like where i need to be. my mom has imbued in me this belief that the world is unfolding as it should. i find it hard to shake.
39) What are your plans for 2008?
grow my hair out, i think. graduate from high school. go to college. love love love.