Day Twelve
Still working things out. It's still hard. No matter the logic, there's still 'no I' in my memory, just all the possibilities...
I'm so glad I've been able to talk things over with everyone. Though I think I'm worrying Kelly when I do. Our friendship... I can tell why we've been friends. I can remember so many incidents. Telling which ones were real? We're working through that.
But she doesn't know everything about my mission. Doesn't know what happened on the Ring. She can't help me there.
I'm drawing a conclusion about it that none of the people I remember being could have drawn, but that makes too much sense in retrospect. Don't think I like it.
Who was it who smashed my memories? Put them as they are in my head?
Was it the Organization? I know that's what the memories thought... but how much did they do?
Was it Spark? Kind of roughly splitting things up... if a memory's from growing up military, he was there all along. If a memory's from living on the island - and I think those are closer to what happened, from what Kelly and everyone else say - he only turned up on leaving. But he still treated that 'me' like the others. And I've got so many memories of him pushing ...whoever... to light the Ring, even harder than the Organization, it was only Sillaxon who even *mentioned it* if I'm getting things lined up right...
It looks more suspicious, now, than I think they could have known.
(I wonder if this is how Nobodies think when they've just become what they are? Except without the 'thousand possible pasts' thing...
...I'm sticking with 'John', though.)
I'm so glad I've been able to talk things over with everyone. Though I think I'm worrying Kelly when I do. Our friendship... I can tell why we've been friends. I can remember so many incidents. Telling which ones were real? We're working through that.
But she doesn't know everything about my mission. Doesn't know what happened on the Ring. She can't help me there.
I'm drawing a conclusion about it that none of the people I remember being could have drawn, but that makes too much sense in retrospect. Don't think I like it.
Who was it who smashed my memories? Put them as they are in my head?
Was it the Organization? I know that's what the memories thought... but how much did they do?
Was it Spark? Kind of roughly splitting things up... if a memory's from growing up military, he was there all along. If a memory's from living on the island - and I think those are closer to what happened, from what Kelly and everyone else say - he only turned up on leaving. But he still treated that 'me' like the others. And I've got so many memories of him pushing ...whoever... to light the Ring, even harder than the Organization, it was only Sillaxon who even *mentioned it* if I'm getting things lined up right...
It looks more suspicious, now, than I think they could have known.
(I wonder if this is how Nobodies think when they've just become what they are? Except without the 'thousand possible pasts' thing...
...I'm sticking with 'John', though.)