Overtired, depressing, and sore ramblings.
I realized recently I have mainly been ripping on other people for a while on this journal. So, I will take the time now to pull out and flesh out some of my own flaws to take me down a peg. But first a small insight into the current state of mind…
I went running at about 3am just because I had gotten no real workout during the day. I made it up to 4 miles on the treadmill. I might have gone further but, my stomach felt it needed more room to work. So it proceeded to vacate space towards both ends.
I am staying up now partially so I don’t have to deal with tomorrow too much before the evening comes. Mornings are fine and great when you have something to accomplish and do, but when you just lay about you might as well be sleeping. My old friends of the Bowflex, Girls Gone Wild, and Magic Bullet commercials are on the TV.
I started working out a little under 4 years ago while living at Jefferson Lofts, because I did not like the way I looked. Many moons later I can say I am still not completely satisfied and probably never will be. During this journey I have had splashes of gritty satisfaction of hunger pains combined with drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and watching the video to broken by Seether with Amy Lee. At least now I have the realization that sensation is the stomach lining eating away at itself. What is funny about it is that I never really regarded myself as overweight. The realization that I was happened when I went north for my grandparent’s funeral and everyone remarked on how good I looked. The way I took those comments at the time was “didn’t you used to be fat?” Those same comments came the same way when I went to the keys later that summer. It felt so good and amazingly unexpected when one of my former scout-mates made the remark I needed to hear badly so long ago…”I didn’t think you were overweight at all.” I am at a point now where my body will not budge from its current weight, but I never used this as a marker for how well I was doing. I probably won’t ever loose the little change pouch at the bottom of my stomach, but I will continue to work out just the same.
For the longest time I didn’t smile for much of anything. This is the main reason why most of my older photos I look so odd. I tend to overanalyze things. Even at an early age I didn’t know what the proper reaction to receiving a present. Unfortunately for me, the end result was caught on film and shown every Christmas as a “cute” moment and I just want to get out of the house when it is played. It reminds me of a former self I am ashamed of and would rather forget. Regardless of how I feel about this clip I will probably assist in transferring it to DVD just because it isn’t just my past it is theirs too. They get a kick out of it and I am big on archiving things just in case.
I get a lot of stuff out by writing this blog, but there are still some things in the deep unspoken recesses of my mind that won’t probably find light anytime soon.
I went running at about 3am just because I had gotten no real workout during the day. I made it up to 4 miles on the treadmill. I might have gone further but, my stomach felt it needed more room to work. So it proceeded to vacate space towards both ends.
I am staying up now partially so I don’t have to deal with tomorrow too much before the evening comes. Mornings are fine and great when you have something to accomplish and do, but when you just lay about you might as well be sleeping. My old friends of the Bowflex, Girls Gone Wild, and Magic Bullet commercials are on the TV.
I started working out a little under 4 years ago while living at Jefferson Lofts, because I did not like the way I looked. Many moons later I can say I am still not completely satisfied and probably never will be. During this journey I have had splashes of gritty satisfaction of hunger pains combined with drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and watching the video to broken by Seether with Amy Lee. At least now I have the realization that sensation is the stomach lining eating away at itself. What is funny about it is that I never really regarded myself as overweight. The realization that I was happened when I went north for my grandparent’s funeral and everyone remarked on how good I looked. The way I took those comments at the time was “didn’t you used to be fat?” Those same comments came the same way when I went to the keys later that summer. It felt so good and amazingly unexpected when one of my former scout-mates made the remark I needed to hear badly so long ago…”I didn’t think you were overweight at all.” I am at a point now where my body will not budge from its current weight, but I never used this as a marker for how well I was doing. I probably won’t ever loose the little change pouch at the bottom of my stomach, but I will continue to work out just the same.
For the longest time I didn’t smile for much of anything. This is the main reason why most of my older photos I look so odd. I tend to overanalyze things. Even at an early age I didn’t know what the proper reaction to receiving a present. Unfortunately for me, the end result was caught on film and shown every Christmas as a “cute” moment and I just want to get out of the house when it is played. It reminds me of a former self I am ashamed of and would rather forget. Regardless of how I feel about this clip I will probably assist in transferring it to DVD just because it isn’t just my past it is theirs too. They get a kick out of it and I am big on archiving things just in case.
I get a lot of stuff out by writing this blog, but there are still some things in the deep unspoken recesses of my mind that won’t probably find light anytime soon.