dear kel
I hate my job. Way too much time to think.
I'm really tired. I'm tired of jumping through hoops and walking in circles. I'm tired of going through the motions. I'm tired of being greeted with the same "Oh, it's you" head nod and proceeding to be tolerated or ignored.
I want to be enough.
This isn't still about Alex. Not really anyway. "Enough" for him translated to "slutty enough," so I'm glad I wasn't enough for him. It's not about him.
I was doing so well. I was up. I was high. I was smiling and I was meaning it. He was a sock to the gut. He knocked the wind out of me and I'm still trying to catch my breath.
The questions continue to bubble up to the surface, and I really don't like the answer that I keep coming back to. It's not you, it's me.
Because it's not just him. It's not the fact that a boy didn't like me. It's the fact that he's not the only one. It's the realization that I'm a dime a dozen. That I'm not really much of anything. That I'm filler. That I'm disposable. That I'm just not enough.
Destiny, destiny. Dance with me, dance with me, destiny.
Destiny, destiny.
No escaping, that's for me.
I'm really tired. I'm tired of jumping through hoops and walking in circles. I'm tired of going through the motions. I'm tired of being greeted with the same "Oh, it's you" head nod and proceeding to be tolerated or ignored.
I want to be enough.
This isn't still about Alex. Not really anyway. "Enough" for him translated to "slutty enough," so I'm glad I wasn't enough for him. It's not about him.
I was doing so well. I was up. I was high. I was smiling and I was meaning it. He was a sock to the gut. He knocked the wind out of me and I'm still trying to catch my breath.
The questions continue to bubble up to the surface, and I really don't like the answer that I keep coming back to. It's not you, it's me.
Because it's not just him. It's not the fact that a boy didn't like me. It's the fact that he's not the only one. It's the realization that I'm a dime a dozen. That I'm not really much of anything. That I'm filler. That I'm disposable. That I'm just not enough.
Destiny, destiny. Dance with me, dance with me, destiny.
Destiny, destiny.
No escaping, that's for me.