Into your End of the World 14/16
title: Into your End of the World
chapter rating: PG
warnings: mild language
summary: Park Chanyeol works for the quasi-governmental System in the post-apocalyptic Seoul, leading a simple, dull life without close friends or keeping contact to his family. When he is given the job to trail a university student called Byun Baekhyun, everything seems to go smoothly - until Chanyeol gets an unexpected visit and a warning and finds the case he's involved in is much more cruel than he has expected.
story notes: See the foreword for more information on the story. ALSO LOOK AT THIS and here's some shameless self-promotion.
Without the lanterns' colourful lights the town has a cold feel to it, as the distant sky looming above appears much darker again. It is an illusion, their eyes deceiving them: Baekhyun is right, the dawn is coming, and the stars are going out one by one as the sunrise gets closer. The glow of the trees on top of the hills surrounding the town is fading, as well, and they do not look much different from the wooden walls of the houses any longer. It is obvious to him now as they step out to the street that it is only at night that this town wakes to its full beauty and magical glory. The flowers in the secluded garden might hang their heads during the dark hours, but he can not imagine them standing a chance next to what he has witnessed tonight, the beauty of this lonely, forgotten city. He wonders what would it have been like to arrive at day, and not once think how brilliant the town might look once the sun would go down. It would appear ordinary, just like any other place, save for the colour of the trees that now seem as if they were spreading their arms toward the two standing out on the cobblestone. Chanyeol realizes everything that surrounds him suddenly gives off an unwelcome feeling, so very different from how he felt upon first laying his eyes on the town from the hilltop. Baekhyun is holding his hand, their fingers laced, and it feels like holding on to the delicate bones of a bird. He does not dare to squeeze as much as he would like to, afraid of breaking the digits wrapped against the back of his own palm.
"I am not supposed to show you the way out", Baekhyun whispers, and his voice sounds filled with what Chanyeol takes for frustration rather than guilt. He knows what the brown haired boy feels, the confusion, the anger toward having to make a decision. Just as much as himself, the boy faces a crossroads of his own: he has to make up his mind whether to tell the other to go or to beg him to stay. If only he would choose, and maybe that would make the decision easier for Chanyeol as well. He still does not know what it is that he so wants. Does he wish to stay here with the boy and forget about what has been, or to return, forget ever being here, and reunite with whoever it is that waits for him so much it reaches this place lost and left behind, this end of the world? He asks this from himself so many times the question becomes a blur in his head. A star goes out far above their heads, and he can feel the warm fingertips sink deeper against his skin. "Come."
As they begin to walk, Chanyeol feels the town is cold, much colder than it has been through the whole night. The breeze is hostile, the walls of the many houses tall like they were all looking down at them. They pace faster than they have earlier, but he can sense how the boy tries to keep his calm, to not show he is terrified. This is new to both of them, but only one knows the consequences if there are any. Chanyeol purses his lips and lets the other lead the way, his eyes scooting from direction to another in pursuit of the invisible enemy that he can feel following their every move. The town has become eerie, the silence of it pressuring and evil, like an animal that has been robbed of its prey. It is as if his surroundings had already grown adapted to his presence, made plans for him, and now, the town has felt their urgency, the boy's insisting words, heard Baekhyun tell him to leave while he still can. Is this world purposefully making the choice difficult, he wonders, does his mind truly recall memories of where he comes from, or is it, too, an illusion?
For a moment he forgets about his fear of crushing the slender hand as he squeezes the fingers to make sure Baekhyun is really there, that he isn't imagining. The boy looks across his shoulder and offers a small smile, the confidence in his eyes reassuring while the air around him remains tight and scared. Traces of their lovemaking aren't gone entirely, the memory still so vivid in both his body and mind, and it brings a small smile onto his own lips; feeling the red blush on his face, Chanyeol lowers his gaze despite knowing the other isn't looking any longer.
The streets feel endless, and only here does Chanyeol begin to understand how large the town actually is. From atop the hill it has not seemed this big. The houses are built close to each other, the alleyways narrow and small, but he has not expected it to go on and on until he has no idea how long have they walked. He looks up to the sky; sees how the first light blue brushstrokes have appeared. Galaxies, maybe, he makes a hopeful remark in his head, but knows it is wrong. The clouds have come, the songs are over, and the night is turning to dawn, and they must hurry. Baekhyun does not push their race down the stone streets, though, and for a while Chanyeol is worried. Of what, he isn't certain. Perhaps of whether Baekhyun knows the way, possibly of whether the boy truly wants to help him. But not a single cell in him could believe Baekhyun would betray him. He has not been used, he has not been played. He has only been told to leave. But the town does not want him to go, or maybe it is the island, maybe this whole world.
They come to a halt, still surrounded by white wooden buildings. Chanyeol finds himself catching his breath. They have not run, yet his heart is beating so fast he can feel his throat hurt and his head feels light. His fingers cling onto Baekhyun's, and from time to time the boy gives his hand a firm press. The other does not seem to find this walk exhausting as he stares at what has brought him to stop.
Chanyeol finally lifts his gaze, and finds himself looking at the young man of black hair and tired eyes from the little garden. He looks much the same, and if it was any other time Chanyeol would most likely not find anything intimidating about his presence; but the way he is here, right where they are, right when the dawn is coming and they are in a hurry, it is too much of a coincidence for Chanyeol to believe in. They look at each other in silence, and disquiet takes over his heart even before Kai has spoken.
At last he parts his lips and says, "Why are you in a hurry to leave?"
"He must", Baekhyun breathes out, but the other shakes his head. Chanyeol feels by their little physical contact how the brown haired boy slumps ever so slightly.
"I asked him", Kai speaks and points at him, not Baekhyun, and it's like a cold wind had pressed its way through his body as their eyes meet for a short while. "Why are you leaving?"
Chanyeol shakes his head a little. He does not know. He does not even know whether he wants to leave, therefore asking a complicated question such as 'why' is absurd. He feels a gust of anger and frustration toward this all inside his heart, feeding that flame within. Uncertain of what to say, he decides on not speaking, at all. Kai looks at him for a while and lowers his gaze. "If you were to stay, you could tell us what it is that you feel, what makes you different. Before you'd forget, you could hear all the songs and you'd understand them."
"I am sorry", he says, and his own voice surprises him yet again. It sounds like it came from some other part of his body, somewhere deep and unconscious, a part of him that has remained dormant as long as he can recall, ever since he has arrived here. "We must go now."
It is not Baekhyun, but Chanyeol himself who pulls them on the move and past Kai who does not stir from where he stands. They've passed him and come more than ten steps away as the black haired boy's voice reaches his ears from behind: "Suit yourself; forgetting all you have here would be a shame."
As he slows down to look back he cannot see Kai, anymore; the street is empty, and it is as if they had not been held back by anyone at all.
Baekhyun steps ahead of him, showing he knows the way very well as he pulls Chanyeol past the houses. The lights in the windows are still alit, colourful and joyous, yet cold like the whole town. As they pass windows he can see people indoors, now, people he has seen earlier during the night. They all seem to be asleep, already, lying down or curled under bedspreads. All of them are alone, and it pains him to see this, because it makes him think of Baekhyun, how the boy has been alone all this time, and now he would become alone again and Chanyeol would forget about him, about these streets, about this night. Who has made the rules, who has decided he cannot write down what he has seen and leave? Who has made it so that he must forget? Why can't he come back if he so desires? Why can't he stay and remember? He tightens his hold of the warm hand, the only fixed point on this whole island and in the ocean surrounding them.
They come to the beach, an opening in the hills. There are brightly coloured clamshells on the crystal clear sand their feet sink a little into. Their path across the shore leaves behind their footprints, each a little different from the rest in the damp sand. It is from here that the sun will rise, he assumes, as the path running down from the hills is directly on the opposite side of the town, a little grey line in the green grass so far away, yet much closer than the horizon. Chanyeol wishes he could spend more time on this beach, enjoying the scent of the ocean, the view and the breeze that feels much better outside the town that stands quiet in the dent in the hills. The beach runs slightly downhill until it disappears underwater, the ocean glistening in the light of the few remaining stars.
Amongst the clamshells there are other things, too: shards of green glass, old cassettes with worn labels. Further toward the edge of the water he sees what could be a grey, old short-sleeved shirt. There are pens, even a mug that seems to have survived the waves unharmed, a picture of a green drawn character on the side, scattered paper that looks like it could have been pages of a book but whose text has melted away. Yet it is not a messy beach, simply one littered with things that have been lost and that have sailed here to be found by someone else. Their value is long gone. But looking at them as the two pass through the beach toward another path that runs to the hills Chanyeol finds he feels like these things were here for him, not anyone else. They look familiar, much the same way as Baekhyun does, but their appearance has changed, be it with time or their manner of transport here, while the brown haired boy looks just the same as in his memory. He shakes the thoughts, as he's fully aware he cannot linger, now. In the distant horizon he can catch the first faint glow of the approaching dawn, the ever so light purple hue that has crept onto the veil of night.
They come to the path and hurry up and into the white forest. It is quiet but the air is warm, the silence of the town not reaching them here. Baekhyun looks at him for the first time since they've stopped in the streets. "I am sorry", he says slowly, "that we took such a long route. Passage through the town would have been impossible."
"Why?" Chanyeol asks as they advance through the woods, the trees that grow both close to each other and far away from their kin, leaving gaps of odd sizes between their trunks. The path has disappeared and they trek on grass, their way slithering amongst the growth.
"The others would have stopped us; I said I shouldn't lead you."
His brow knits together slightly. Here, it feels like time had stopped although they still move half-running, their steps long and as light as possible to save time and energy. Still, his heart is beating fast and breath becomes staggered, the moist morning air feeling thick and cold in his lungs. "Because they think I must stay, instead?"
The boy nods a little, as if ashamed of the townsfolk. Chanyeol casts a look toward where the town is, but it has become invisible amongst the light green leaves drooping from the many branches. It does not bother him to not be able to see the white wooden houses. He catches up with the brown haired boy to offer him a small, weary smile. Baekhyun answers it, flushed. "Even though those with memory still in them can leave, people simply do not. The town amazes them; our ways make them want to stay. Thus I'm telling you to leave before you fall in love with the song and the night and the stars and the dusk."
"I am not in love with the song or the night", Chanyeol says gently.
"And therefore you must leave."
They take on the downhill toward the shore lying below, the ocean audible all the way here, but whether there is sand or stone underneath the slope Chanyeol is not sure, the sound of the small waves not enough to tell him. They bring their free hands to shield themselves from the branches that hang the lowest as they keep on going, trailing the easiest passages past trees and stones. Above their heads, past the mazes of branches and leaves the darkness of the sky has grown much lighter already, no stars visible any longer; the purple colour is uneven with thin ripples of clouds gathering here and there.
He tries to listen to his heart and his mind to make a decision. It is like choosing while blindfolded, not knowing the outcome of either of his options. What is there really, at the other end of the ride by ferry across the ocean? Who is it that awaits him? Is he truly going forget everything about tonight, and not depending on whether he will, is his life going to be the same nevertheless? And what if he stays here? Will the memory die slowly within him, and will he become one of these people in the town? The only thing he knows for certain is that the brown haired boy is here, and will be evermore. Kai is right. Forgetting would truly be a shame. But does he want to forget about his life before; does he want to let go without even knowing what is there for him elsewhere? The questions are overwhelming, and he has to focus to make them all disappear. Reasoning will not help, any longer; asking himself questions is no good.
And then they see the wooden pier and the man who is sitting on the pole where he has tied the heavy, thick rope, and the glow in the horizon behind them is growing orange, the last of the night slowly fading away into memory.
chapter rating: PG
warnings: mild language
summary: Park Chanyeol works for the quasi-governmental System in the post-apocalyptic Seoul, leading a simple, dull life without close friends or keeping contact to his family. When he is given the job to trail a university student called Byun Baekhyun, everything seems to go smoothly - until Chanyeol gets an unexpected visit and a warning and finds the case he's involved in is much more cruel than he has expected.
story notes: See the foreword for more information on the story. ALSO LOOK AT THIS and here's some shameless self-promotion.
Without the lanterns' colourful lights the town has a cold feel to it, as the distant sky looming above appears much darker again. It is an illusion, their eyes deceiving them: Baekhyun is right, the dawn is coming, and the stars are going out one by one as the sunrise gets closer. The glow of the trees on top of the hills surrounding the town is fading, as well, and they do not look much different from the wooden walls of the houses any longer. It is obvious to him now as they step out to the street that it is only at night that this town wakes to its full beauty and magical glory. The flowers in the secluded garden might hang their heads during the dark hours, but he can not imagine them standing a chance next to what he has witnessed tonight, the beauty of this lonely, forgotten city. He wonders what would it have been like to arrive at day, and not once think how brilliant the town might look once the sun would go down. It would appear ordinary, just like any other place, save for the colour of the trees that now seem as if they were spreading their arms toward the two standing out on the cobblestone. Chanyeol realizes everything that surrounds him suddenly gives off an unwelcome feeling, so very different from how he felt upon first laying his eyes on the town from the hilltop. Baekhyun is holding his hand, their fingers laced, and it feels like holding on to the delicate bones of a bird. He does not dare to squeeze as much as he would like to, afraid of breaking the digits wrapped against the back of his own palm.
"I am not supposed to show you the way out", Baekhyun whispers, and his voice sounds filled with what Chanyeol takes for frustration rather than guilt. He knows what the brown haired boy feels, the confusion, the anger toward having to make a decision. Just as much as himself, the boy faces a crossroads of his own: he has to make up his mind whether to tell the other to go or to beg him to stay. If only he would choose, and maybe that would make the decision easier for Chanyeol as well. He still does not know what it is that he so wants. Does he wish to stay here with the boy and forget about what has been, or to return, forget ever being here, and reunite with whoever it is that waits for him so much it reaches this place lost and left behind, this end of the world? He asks this from himself so many times the question becomes a blur in his head. A star goes out far above their heads, and he can feel the warm fingertips sink deeper against his skin. "Come."
As they begin to walk, Chanyeol feels the town is cold, much colder than it has been through the whole night. The breeze is hostile, the walls of the many houses tall like they were all looking down at them. They pace faster than they have earlier, but he can sense how the boy tries to keep his calm, to not show he is terrified. This is new to both of them, but only one knows the consequences if there are any. Chanyeol purses his lips and lets the other lead the way, his eyes scooting from direction to another in pursuit of the invisible enemy that he can feel following their every move. The town has become eerie, the silence of it pressuring and evil, like an animal that has been robbed of its prey. It is as if his surroundings had already grown adapted to his presence, made plans for him, and now, the town has felt their urgency, the boy's insisting words, heard Baekhyun tell him to leave while he still can. Is this world purposefully making the choice difficult, he wonders, does his mind truly recall memories of where he comes from, or is it, too, an illusion?
For a moment he forgets about his fear of crushing the slender hand as he squeezes the fingers to make sure Baekhyun is really there, that he isn't imagining. The boy looks across his shoulder and offers a small smile, the confidence in his eyes reassuring while the air around him remains tight and scared. Traces of their lovemaking aren't gone entirely, the memory still so vivid in both his body and mind, and it brings a small smile onto his own lips; feeling the red blush on his face, Chanyeol lowers his gaze despite knowing the other isn't looking any longer.
The streets feel endless, and only here does Chanyeol begin to understand how large the town actually is. From atop the hill it has not seemed this big. The houses are built close to each other, the alleyways narrow and small, but he has not expected it to go on and on until he has no idea how long have they walked. He looks up to the sky; sees how the first light blue brushstrokes have appeared. Galaxies, maybe, he makes a hopeful remark in his head, but knows it is wrong. The clouds have come, the songs are over, and the night is turning to dawn, and they must hurry. Baekhyun does not push their race down the stone streets, though, and for a while Chanyeol is worried. Of what, he isn't certain. Perhaps of whether Baekhyun knows the way, possibly of whether the boy truly wants to help him. But not a single cell in him could believe Baekhyun would betray him. He has not been used, he has not been played. He has only been told to leave. But the town does not want him to go, or maybe it is the island, maybe this whole world.
They come to a halt, still surrounded by white wooden buildings. Chanyeol finds himself catching his breath. They have not run, yet his heart is beating so fast he can feel his throat hurt and his head feels light. His fingers cling onto Baekhyun's, and from time to time the boy gives his hand a firm press. The other does not seem to find this walk exhausting as he stares at what has brought him to stop.
Chanyeol finally lifts his gaze, and finds himself looking at the young man of black hair and tired eyes from the little garden. He looks much the same, and if it was any other time Chanyeol would most likely not find anything intimidating about his presence; but the way he is here, right where they are, right when the dawn is coming and they are in a hurry, it is too much of a coincidence for Chanyeol to believe in. They look at each other in silence, and disquiet takes over his heart even before Kai has spoken.
At last he parts his lips and says, "Why are you in a hurry to leave?"
"He must", Baekhyun breathes out, but the other shakes his head. Chanyeol feels by their little physical contact how the brown haired boy slumps ever so slightly.
"I asked him", Kai speaks and points at him, not Baekhyun, and it's like a cold wind had pressed its way through his body as their eyes meet for a short while. "Why are you leaving?"
Chanyeol shakes his head a little. He does not know. He does not even know whether he wants to leave, therefore asking a complicated question such as 'why' is absurd. He feels a gust of anger and frustration toward this all inside his heart, feeding that flame within. Uncertain of what to say, he decides on not speaking, at all. Kai looks at him for a while and lowers his gaze. "If you were to stay, you could tell us what it is that you feel, what makes you different. Before you'd forget, you could hear all the songs and you'd understand them."
"I am sorry", he says, and his own voice surprises him yet again. It sounds like it came from some other part of his body, somewhere deep and unconscious, a part of him that has remained dormant as long as he can recall, ever since he has arrived here. "We must go now."
It is not Baekhyun, but Chanyeol himself who pulls them on the move and past Kai who does not stir from where he stands. They've passed him and come more than ten steps away as the black haired boy's voice reaches his ears from behind: "Suit yourself; forgetting all you have here would be a shame."
As he slows down to look back he cannot see Kai, anymore; the street is empty, and it is as if they had not been held back by anyone at all.
Baekhyun steps ahead of him, showing he knows the way very well as he pulls Chanyeol past the houses. The lights in the windows are still alit, colourful and joyous, yet cold like the whole town. As they pass windows he can see people indoors, now, people he has seen earlier during the night. They all seem to be asleep, already, lying down or curled under bedspreads. All of them are alone, and it pains him to see this, because it makes him think of Baekhyun, how the boy has been alone all this time, and now he would become alone again and Chanyeol would forget about him, about these streets, about this night. Who has made the rules, who has decided he cannot write down what he has seen and leave? Who has made it so that he must forget? Why can't he come back if he so desires? Why can't he stay and remember? He tightens his hold of the warm hand, the only fixed point on this whole island and in the ocean surrounding them.
They come to the beach, an opening in the hills. There are brightly coloured clamshells on the crystal clear sand their feet sink a little into. Their path across the shore leaves behind their footprints, each a little different from the rest in the damp sand. It is from here that the sun will rise, he assumes, as the path running down from the hills is directly on the opposite side of the town, a little grey line in the green grass so far away, yet much closer than the horizon. Chanyeol wishes he could spend more time on this beach, enjoying the scent of the ocean, the view and the breeze that feels much better outside the town that stands quiet in the dent in the hills. The beach runs slightly downhill until it disappears underwater, the ocean glistening in the light of the few remaining stars.
Amongst the clamshells there are other things, too: shards of green glass, old cassettes with worn labels. Further toward the edge of the water he sees what could be a grey, old short-sleeved shirt. There are pens, even a mug that seems to have survived the waves unharmed, a picture of a green drawn character on the side, scattered paper that looks like it could have been pages of a book but whose text has melted away. Yet it is not a messy beach, simply one littered with things that have been lost and that have sailed here to be found by someone else. Their value is long gone. But looking at them as the two pass through the beach toward another path that runs to the hills Chanyeol finds he feels like these things were here for him, not anyone else. They look familiar, much the same way as Baekhyun does, but their appearance has changed, be it with time or their manner of transport here, while the brown haired boy looks just the same as in his memory. He shakes the thoughts, as he's fully aware he cannot linger, now. In the distant horizon he can catch the first faint glow of the approaching dawn, the ever so light purple hue that has crept onto the veil of night.
They come to the path and hurry up and into the white forest. It is quiet but the air is warm, the silence of the town not reaching them here. Baekhyun looks at him for the first time since they've stopped in the streets. "I am sorry", he says slowly, "that we took such a long route. Passage through the town would have been impossible."
"Why?" Chanyeol asks as they advance through the woods, the trees that grow both close to each other and far away from their kin, leaving gaps of odd sizes between their trunks. The path has disappeared and they trek on grass, their way slithering amongst the growth.
"The others would have stopped us; I said I shouldn't lead you."
His brow knits together slightly. Here, it feels like time had stopped although they still move half-running, their steps long and as light as possible to save time and energy. Still, his heart is beating fast and breath becomes staggered, the moist morning air feeling thick and cold in his lungs. "Because they think I must stay, instead?"
The boy nods a little, as if ashamed of the townsfolk. Chanyeol casts a look toward where the town is, but it has become invisible amongst the light green leaves drooping from the many branches. It does not bother him to not be able to see the white wooden houses. He catches up with the brown haired boy to offer him a small, weary smile. Baekhyun answers it, flushed. "Even though those with memory still in them can leave, people simply do not. The town amazes them; our ways make them want to stay. Thus I'm telling you to leave before you fall in love with the song and the night and the stars and the dusk."
"I am not in love with the song or the night", Chanyeol says gently.
"And therefore you must leave."
They take on the downhill toward the shore lying below, the ocean audible all the way here, but whether there is sand or stone underneath the slope Chanyeol is not sure, the sound of the small waves not enough to tell him. They bring their free hands to shield themselves from the branches that hang the lowest as they keep on going, trailing the easiest passages past trees and stones. Above their heads, past the mazes of branches and leaves the darkness of the sky has grown much lighter already, no stars visible any longer; the purple colour is uneven with thin ripples of clouds gathering here and there.
He tries to listen to his heart and his mind to make a decision. It is like choosing while blindfolded, not knowing the outcome of either of his options. What is there really, at the other end of the ride by ferry across the ocean? Who is it that awaits him? Is he truly going forget everything about tonight, and not depending on whether he will, is his life going to be the same nevertheless? And what if he stays here? Will the memory die slowly within him, and will he become one of these people in the town? The only thing he knows for certain is that the brown haired boy is here, and will be evermore. Kai is right. Forgetting would truly be a shame. But does he want to forget about his life before; does he want to let go without even knowing what is there for him elsewhere? The questions are overwhelming, and he has to focus to make them all disappear. Reasoning will not help, any longer; asking himself questions is no good.
And then they see the wooden pier and the man who is sitting on the pole where he has tied the heavy, thick rope, and the glow in the horizon behind them is growing orange, the last of the night slowly fading away into memory.