happy new year
i told adam merry christmas when he left blake's last night... err, this morning i guess i should say. i think that bottle of champaigne hit me a little bit. if you've never had champaigne, be careful when you do. it goes down easy, i tell you. i rarely drink, and i drank a whole bottle by myself. wow. it was good though. except for feeling like shit and spending half the night watching what not to wear while laying in blake's bed by myself. which of course sparked a fight that we're "not compatible". that seems to happen a lot when blake drinks. it makes me want to cry.
it's hard for me to explain my feelings for blake. we've been dating for almost three months, and it has by far been the best relationship i've ever been in. he's such a nice guy, and we spend so much time together, it's awesome. he even comes over to my house and plays with my little brother, so my parents like him a lot too. i missed him so much during the week he was gone over break. that's the bad thing. he's the only person i ever talk to or hang out with, so when he's away i have no life. and lately he's been making comments about how we're not perfect for each other and we're not 100% compatible. honestly though, who is? it's so frustrating. i know we'll never get married or anything like that and we probably wont be together for a long time, but why question things like that?
the thing is, nobody is perfect. i dont even know if i believe there are truely soulmates. but what i do know is that i've found a great guy that i like a lot. and chances are i could lose him at any given moment, so i dont like to think ahead in our relationship, i want to live for the moment. i dont want to bring up any future events because who knows what could happen any day. he's going to get deployed to seattle likely by summer. that's like halfway across the country. when we first started dating, the understanding was that when/if he gets deployed, we'd break up because he wouldnt want to have to be thinking about his girlfriend at home all the time. he didnt even want to start anything because he knew the inevitable would come and he didnt want to get too serious. so i've been trying my damn hardest to not make things so serious, but i guess you could say this is my first adult relationship.
but i'm in high school. and he's in college. he definitely has at least three years more experience with relationships than i do. i dont know. i dont know what i'm trying to say.
i told my mom i'd make my official college decision today. i've been avoiding and dreading this for a long time. i dont know what to do. rachel and i decided to go to iowa and live together in the dorms, but i almost want to go to uni again. i talked to maggie that i was an LIT with the other day and she's going to uni. and i think hannah from camp is too maybe. so that would be really fun to catch up with those girls. and plus, if blake's gone i have no real reason to stay in iowa city. if he's gone i think we could try to make a long distance relationship work, but he made a good point in saying that it's my first year of college and a lot of things change. i dont think it would be a big deal if he's still in town and i went to iowa, things could only get better from where i see it because we wouldnt have to follow my parents rules anymore. but if he ends up not getting deployed like i'm hoping, and i went to uni, we'd still have a long distance relationship which would suck. if i cant help it, then i'd deal with the fact of us being apart, but i dont want it to be in my control. but then again if i decide to go to iowa and he does get deployed, what's the point? i totally want to party in iowa city, but i dont want to get burnt out on it like my sister did. i wish i didnt live in iowa city because that would make it a lot easier because no matter what i'd be moving out of town.
i dont know. i really, honestly, just dont know. i need to talk to blake about all of this. sorry for rambling, but i needed it.
happy new year to all, esp. to the CLASS OF '05!!! i cant believe we're graduating in 5 months... wow.
i'd also like to add that it was AWESOME of my mom to let me go out and actually pick me up at 4am. that was pimp. although it will never happen again. but still, my mom rocked last night.
it's hard for me to explain my feelings for blake. we've been dating for almost three months, and it has by far been the best relationship i've ever been in. he's such a nice guy, and we spend so much time together, it's awesome. he even comes over to my house and plays with my little brother, so my parents like him a lot too. i missed him so much during the week he was gone over break. that's the bad thing. he's the only person i ever talk to or hang out with, so when he's away i have no life. and lately he's been making comments about how we're not perfect for each other and we're not 100% compatible. honestly though, who is? it's so frustrating. i know we'll never get married or anything like that and we probably wont be together for a long time, but why question things like that?
the thing is, nobody is perfect. i dont even know if i believe there are truely soulmates. but what i do know is that i've found a great guy that i like a lot. and chances are i could lose him at any given moment, so i dont like to think ahead in our relationship, i want to live for the moment. i dont want to bring up any future events because who knows what could happen any day. he's going to get deployed to seattle likely by summer. that's like halfway across the country. when we first started dating, the understanding was that when/if he gets deployed, we'd break up because he wouldnt want to have to be thinking about his girlfriend at home all the time. he didnt even want to start anything because he knew the inevitable would come and he didnt want to get too serious. so i've been trying my damn hardest to not make things so serious, but i guess you could say this is my first adult relationship.
but i'm in high school. and he's in college. he definitely has at least three years more experience with relationships than i do. i dont know. i dont know what i'm trying to say.
i told my mom i'd make my official college decision today. i've been avoiding and dreading this for a long time. i dont know what to do. rachel and i decided to go to iowa and live together in the dorms, but i almost want to go to uni again. i talked to maggie that i was an LIT with the other day and she's going to uni. and i think hannah from camp is too maybe. so that would be really fun to catch up with those girls. and plus, if blake's gone i have no real reason to stay in iowa city. if he's gone i think we could try to make a long distance relationship work, but he made a good point in saying that it's my first year of college and a lot of things change. i dont think it would be a big deal if he's still in town and i went to iowa, things could only get better from where i see it because we wouldnt have to follow my parents rules anymore. but if he ends up not getting deployed like i'm hoping, and i went to uni, we'd still have a long distance relationship which would suck. if i cant help it, then i'd deal with the fact of us being apart, but i dont want it to be in my control. but then again if i decide to go to iowa and he does get deployed, what's the point? i totally want to party in iowa city, but i dont want to get burnt out on it like my sister did. i wish i didnt live in iowa city because that would make it a lot easier because no matter what i'd be moving out of town.
i dont know. i really, honestly, just dont know. i need to talk to blake about all of this. sorry for rambling, but i needed it.
happy new year to all, esp. to the CLASS OF '05!!! i cant believe we're graduating in 5 months... wow.
i'd also like to add that it was AWESOME of my mom to let me go out and actually pick me up at 4am. that was pimp. although it will never happen again. but still, my mom rocked last night.