believe in me; i'll wait for you
rating: nc-17
pairing: yoochun/jaejoong
genre: fluff w/ angst in between, au
length: ~7200 wc
warnings: mentions of depression and anxiety
summary: yoochun falls in love with a fairy who teaches him what magic really is
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” - Roald Dahl, 1916 - 1990
When Yoochun is five, his mother reads stories to him at bedtime. Yoochun smiles up at her from under his warm blanket and listens in awe to stories about fierce dragons, about wizards and witches, about brave heroes who save the world with a single sword and about magic. He falls asleep just after hearing and they all lived happily ever after and dreams of himself as the magical hero who saves the people he loves.
Sometimes Yoochun’s mom glances at him with a worried expression when he enters the room and sweetly tells him to go outside and play. Yoochun gladly agrees and runs outside to the edge of the forest near the house. He knows he’s not supposed to go deep in, but after hearing about all the fantastical adventures that happen in forests from his storybooks, the temptation is too great.
He makes sure not to go too far, and makes sure to only go straight so that he can easily get back to his house. He pushes through branches and climbs over thick, fallen tree trunks. The forest floor isn’t as easy to navigate as it was in the storybooks, and it’s a lot darker too. He falls down a few times, and gets back up with a few scrapes. But children are resilient, and the forest is thrilling.
There’s a small body of water up ahead and Yoochun thinks he’ll stop there and wash off the dirt and rest before heading back. He approaches the pond and notices a child sitting there, his back to Yoochun. The boy looks small, about his size. He’s wearing white, and looks very bright in the dark shadows of the woods. Yoochun wonders what a child his age is doing out here.
“Um, hello? Are you lost?” he asks tentatively.
The child doesn’t turn around. “No, I’m not,” he replies, voice clear against the haze of the humid forest.
“Oh, okay then. Do you mind if I come wash up next to you?”
The little boy turns around. Yoochun gasps. He looks like a character from one of his storybooks. Big eyes and pale skin, he looks like an angelic child.
“No, you can’t wash up in this. The creatures who live in this lake can’t come into contact with human filth or else they will be hurt.”
If Yoochun were older, he might be offended at this. But he is five, and it makes perfect sense to him.
“Oh, okay. Then can I just sit next to you?”
The boy looks wary, but he nods.
“I’m Yoochun,” he says as he settles down next to him. “I live close by. What’s your name? Do you go to my Kindergarten?”
The boy giggles. “My name’s Jaejoong. And no, I don’t go to your school.”
“Really? Why not? It’s the only one in this area,” Yoochun asks, puzzled.
“Because fairies don’t go to school.”
“Woah, you’re a fairy?” Yoochun yelps, voice full of wonder.
Jaejoong smiles. “Yeah. But I don’t have wings or anything. I just live in the forest and walk around, making sure all the magical creatures are safe.”
Yoochun’s jaw drops. “You mean it’s real?”
“What, magic? Well of course it’s real. It’s real if you believe in it.”
Yoochun and Jaejoong become fast friends. Yoochun visits him when he plays outside and Jaejoong shows him the magical things of the woods.
“This is a petal pixie,” Jaejoong explains, squatting down by a small flower. Yoochun squints and looks closely until he sees a silver spec flitting around the purple petals of the flower. “She helps the flowers grow by singing to them when they’re tired.”
“Wow,” is all Yoochun can say.
Jaejoong grins and takes him by the hand, dragging him toward a tall, thick tree. He begins to climb and Yoochun stares after him. Jaejoong glances back down halfway up the thick trunk.
“What are you still doing down there? Come up!”
Yoochun follows Jaejoong up the tree, grabbing onto branches and thick leaves. He goes slower than Jaejoong, but gets to him eventually. They settle on a thick branch high in the air. Jaejoong gestures to Yoochun to follow him as he crawls across the branch, heading toward the thinner end.
“Look, do you see these little guys marching across the bark? These are minpins! They’re like us, but they’re smaller and live in trees.”
Yoochun looks hard. It takes him a minute before he sees anything, but when he blinks hard and opens his eyes, he sees a tiny girl staring up at him. She looks scared.
“Oh my gosh, wow! Hi! What’s your name?”
The tiny girl yelps and runs back into her hole in the tree. Yoochun looks upset.
“Don’t worry, they’re just not used to humans.”
“If I come by more often, will they get used to me? Will they talk to me?”
Jaejoong looks at him for a long moment, like he’s wondering why Yoochun would want such a thing. Then he smiles and nods. “Yeah, I think they would.”
When Yoochun is 10, his mother stops reading to him before bed. She looks tired these days, and she thinks it’s time for Yoochun to start reading to himself. She still kisses him goodnight, but she doesn’t ask him about his day, and she looks delicate and fragile and Yoochun wants to hold her hand but he doesn’t know if that’s the right thing to do. So he reads to himself until he falls asleep, but for some reason the books about magic don’t seem as appealing anymore.
Yoochun walks as quietly as possible towards the lake. He hasn’t come out in a few weeks and he feels kind of guilty about it. He sees him sitting there, his back to Yoochun, dressed in white and glowing softly, just like always. They’ve grown in similar proportions, so Yoochun almost feels like he’s seeing himself. Maybe Jaejoong is a part of him, in some ways.
“It’s been a while. Where were you?”
“Inside. It’s cold these days.”
“That never stopped you before.”
Yoochun sighs and sits next to Jaejoong.
“I’m sorry. I’ll come more.”
Jaejoong slips a hand into Yoochun’s and holds tight.
“Please.”
When Yoochun is 13, he hears his parents fighting. He hasn’t heard his dad’s voice in months, but it’s finally here, in his house, and it’s yelling and loud and ugly. It makes him feel sick and he wants to run away. So he does, back into the forest, but something is different. He’s filled with anger and he can’t feel the magic like he used to. It buzzes in the back of his mind but the anger buzzes louder everywhere else. He doesn’t go to the lake. He just goes to the tree and climbs as high as he can, not caring to be cautious and avoid scrapes on the rough old bark. He gets scratched but he doesn’t care. He settles on a high branch with more force than necessary and heaves a loud sigh before kicking his feet around and slamming his heels against the branch until Jaejoong appears at the base of the tree and yells, “Stop! You’re scaring them! Stop, Yoochun!”
Yoochun looks down at Jaejoong and his breath catches in his throat. It’s been weeks since he’d seen Jaejoong, and he’d almost forgotten what magic looked like. Beautiful, innocent, and pure. Yoochun thinks he shouldn’t be in the presence of such a pure being.
“Jaejoong, I.. I’m sorry.”
Jaejoong climbs up to join him on the branch. “What’s wrong?” he asks, linking his arm through Yoochun’s and leaning his head onto his shoulder.
Yoochun shakes his head. “Nothing, it’s nothing… I just…”
“You can tell me… I know I’m not human but… maybe I could help.”
Yoochun chuckles. “You’re sweet, but I don’t think you can.” He leans his head onto Jaejoong’s and they sit there. It’s nice to be with someone, to have someone hold him when his heart is hurting. “But, thank you for being here. It helps me a lot.”
Jaejoong grips his arm a bit tighter. “I’ll always be here.”
Yoochun unlinks his arm from Jaejoong’s to put it around his shoulders. Jaejoong leans in against Yoochun’s chest and wraps his arms around his middle.
“You can never leave the forest?”
“Who else would look after the creatures?”
“Are there any other fairies like you? To keep you company?”
Jaejoong looks down. “No. I’m alone. Of course, the pixies and gnomes and mermaids keep me company but we don’t speak the same language. It’s not the same.”
Yoochun hugs him a bit tighter. “I’m here. I’ll be here.”
Jaejoong looks up at him. “You can’t be with me forever.”
Yoochun looks down into his big, deep eyes and feels his heart squeeze. He glances down at his lips, plump and lush and slightly parted.
“Then, as long as I can, I’ll be here.”
He leans down slowly, his nose brushing the side of Jaejoong’s, and he can taste his breath, it’s sweet and magical and intoxicating. “Yeah,” Jaejoong breathes, “okay. As long as you can,” and their lips meet softly, slowly, under the rustling leaves of the old tree, sunlight filtering through them gently. Their lips stay touching for a minute, and Yoochun’s heart beats faster and faster the whole while. Jaejoong grips Yoochun’s shirt tightly, trying to control his excitement. When Yoochun pulls back after the minute is up, he smiles in a way he hasn’t smiled in a long time, and leans his forehead against Jaejoong’s.
“That was my first kiss,” he breathes.
“Mine too,” Jaejoong giggles, and Yoochun can feel the reality of the magic in the woods once more.
For a while, things are good. They’re amazing. Yoochun visits Jaejoong in the forest often, whenever he has a break from studying. They explore new areas of the forest, ones that Yoochun never dared to venture into before. The forest creatures are still wary of Yoochun, but they at least recognize him, and they don’t run away on sight, which makes Yoochun really happy. They run through flower patches and when they stumble over each other they roll around until Yoochun ends up on top, pinning Jaejoong beneath him, and they’re breathing hard. Yoochun grins a wild grin and leans down to kiss him, and Jaejoong laughs into the kiss from pure joy. Yoochun leaps off and offers a hand to Jaejoong, who jumps up and then races Yoochun to climb the highest trees. They clamber over each other to the top and when there’s a stable branch Yoochun gently pushes Jaejoong onto his back on top of it and leans down to kiss him, soft and sweet just like their very first time. Jaejoong curls his hands in the fabric of Yoochun’s shirt and Yoochun thinks that he’s found heaven in Jaejoong’s magic.
“I love you,” he gasps.
Jaejoong pulls him closer, and parts his lips under Yoochun’s, inviting him in, and Yoochun tastes him and it’s more than he can take. He wants this forever.
“I love you so much. You’re so perfect, Jaejoong.”
“Yoochun,” Jaejoong moans, “I do too. I love you too.”
They spend their early adolescence together like this, playing together and trying new things. Yoochun jerks him off on top of a bed of deep red flowers and it’s so, so beautiful the way Jaejoong blushes the shade of the flowers beneath his snow white skin and struggles to cover himself because he’s shy but Yoochun kisses him and tells him there’s nothing to be afraid of, to trust him completely, and Jaejoong is in love so he does, he trusts Yoochun with all his heart.
One day after they pick flowers and make crowns out of them for each other, Jaejoong surprises Yoochun and pounces on him. He’s grinning mischievously and Yoochun swallows as he looks up at Jaejoong.
“Jaejoong, what -” but Jaejoong cuts him off with a kiss, before he trails lower, kissing Yoochun’s body lightly over the fabric of his shirt.
“Oh god, what are you doing, ah…”
Jaejoong hooks his fingers under the waistband of Yoochun’s pants and underwear and hesitantly, slowly pulls them down. Yoochun, just as hesitant, lifts his hips so Jaejoong can pull them off completely. Yoochun feels exposed and vulnerable but Jaejoong grips his hand tightly and looks into his eyes, and Yoochun trusts him, loves him, so he opens his legs for Jaejoong, and Jaejoong smiles beautifully. He lowers his head and licks the tip of Yoochun’s cock, and Yoochun hisses, and it encourages Jaejoong to keep going. He licks it a few more times and then wraps his lips around the head and Yoochun throws his head back into the soft ground.
“Jaejoong, ohh that feels -” he moans, and Jaejoong start moving his mouth up and down the length. He licks stripes from tip to base and back down and then puts his mouth around it again and sucks. Yoochun accidentally bucks into Jaejoong’s mouth and Jaejoong coughs a bit but doesn’t pull his mouth off, he just places his hands on Yoochun’s hips and pushes down, signaling him to stay still. Yoochun whimpers but stills, though his thighs are quivering madly. Shaky from pleasure, Yoochun lifts himself onto his elbows to watch as his cock disappears into Jaejoong’s pretty, pretty mouth and the sight is too much, and Yoochun knows he can’t last. Jaejoong looks up at him through long lashes and Yoochun sees himself in those big, deep eyes and he spills, hot and long down Jaejoong’s throat. Only a few drops escape from Jaejoong’s mouth and he wipes them away with his sleeve, grinning like he’s just won a prize.
Yoochun groans and grabs Jaejoong by the wrist and pulls him tumbling down into his arms, cradling him against his chest.
“You’re too good, you feel like heaven, I love you,” he says into his neck.
“That tickles,” Jaejoong laughs, but he settles into Yoochun and traces lazy patterns across his chest. “You’re my first, you know.”
“I know. You’re my first too.”
Jaejoong’s voice dies down to a whisper. “Maybe someday, not now but someday, we can be each other’s first for…”
Yoochun giggles and kisses the tip of Jaejoong’s nose. “For what?” he teases.
Jaejoong buries his face in Yoochun’s chest. “Don’t make me say it out loud,” he groans.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Yoochunnn, come on.”
“You’ll have to elaborate, Jaejoong-ie,” he coos.
“Sex, okay! We can be each other’s first. We can…make love.”
Yoochun hugs Jaejoong close. “Yeah, maybe one day we can do that too. I wouldn’t want to with anyone else.”
“Me either. There is no one else, for me.”
When Yoochun turns 15, everything goes wrong. His parents file for a divorce, and Yoochun finds out when he comes home from school early and there’s a stack of papers on their kitchen counter. It feels like someone plunged a knife through his stomach. He draws into himself, and he doesn’t know what to do.
His mother approaches him one day and tells him they’re moving to the city. Far away from where they are now, far away from the quiet, peaceful country, and far, far away from the forest. Away from Jaejoong. Yoochun can’t handle it. He’s just a child, he doesn’t know what to do. That night, he doesn’t see Jaejoong. He just cries.
“I’m leaving,” Yoochun says. His voice is empty. It’s cold and distant.
“What do you mean?” Jaejoong sounds scared, fragile.
“My parents are divorcing. I guess you don’t know what that means, since everything is perfect and happy in your world. It means my family is broken. Do you even know what a family is?” Yoochun spits venom, and it burns.
“Yoochun, I…” Jaejoong reaches out, he wants to hold Yoochun, help him, but Yoochun recoils.
“I’m moving far, far away. I won’t see you ever again.”
“No, no don’t, please Yoochun. Don’t go, don’t leave me here all alone.”
“You were alone before. Can’t you just go back to the way you were?”
“How can I? Now that I know what it’s like…” Jaejoong approaches him slowly, “now that I know what it’s like to be held in your arms, what it’s like,” he cups Yoochun’s face in his hand, “what it’s like to kiss you,” he leans in close, breathes in Yoochun’s scent, “to touch you,” places a hand on Yoochun’s hip, “to be yours, how can I go back to being all alone?”
“Will you…be sad?” Yoochun asks, his voice wavering.
“I’ll be so sad, I don’t know if I can live without you anymore.”
Yoochun’s body shakes in Jaejoong’s soft embrace. “I…I don’t want to either. I don’t want to leave you,” and his voice cracks.
“Why? Why do you have to go?”
Yoochun wraps his arms around Jaejoong and hugs him tight. “I don’t know. I don’t want to. I’m so scared, Jaejoong, my whole world is falling apart. I can’t see the pixies anymore. I can’t feel the magic anymore, where did it go?”
“Shh, it’s okay, I’m still here. I’m here, Yoochun.”
“I don’t want to leave you. What if I come back and I can’t see you anymore, either? Jaejoong, don’t disappear, please.”
Jaejoong pulls back. He looks Yoochun straight in the eye. “Yoochun. As long as you believe in magic, as long as you believe there is something more in this world, something beautiful and mystical, you will find me. I promise I won’t leave. I’ll be here, waiting. I promise.”
Yoochun kisses him, then. Long and hard, passionate and tearful. “I’ll come back, Jaejoong.”
The first few months in Seoul are horrible. Yoochun’s country accent is thick, and the kids at school make fun of him viciously. If he was funny and outgoing, maybe they’d like him, but he’s shy and withdrawn, so that only makes it all worse. School is more difficult in the city, too. Yoochun finds himself falling behind in his grades and being too depressed and anxious to reach out for help.
The outdoors don’t provide solace like they used to. There’s no fresh air, it’s all polluted. There’s tall, thick buildings everywhere instead of trees, and he can’t even see the stars at night. It’s awful, and he hates it.
He lies awake many nights, thinking of Jaejoong. His heart hurts when he misses him, and he knows Jaejoong misses him too. He wants to go home.
After 6 months, Yoochun gets a break from school and packs his bags and gets on a bus home, ignoring his mother’s protests. He drops his things in his old house, which now belongs solely to his father, who’s never there anyways. He washes up in his old bathroom and heads to the forest.
It’s as beautiful as ever. It feels like home. Yoochun runs his hands across the rough back of the ancient trees. He feels himself coming back to life as he breathes in the sunlight that gently hits the forest floor. He picks a bouquet of wildflowers as he heads for the lake, happily thinking to himself he’ll pleasantly surprise his fairy with it.
And he’s there, sitting at the edge of the lake, his back to Yoochun. He’s grown, too. The white glow around him has dimmed, but it’s there.
“Jaejoong. I’m back.”
He stands up. He turns around. He runs right into Yoochun’s arms.
“I missed you so much.”
Yoochun hugs him tight. “I missed you, too. I thought of you every night.”
Jaejoong laughs, his cheek pressed to Yoochun’s chest. “What’s that you have for me?”
Yoochun shows him the flowers. He tucks one behind Jaejoong’s ear.
“My beautiful fairy,” he murmurs.
“All yours,” Jaejoong says, and their lips find each other in bliss.
The weeks of Yoochun’s break pass in pure happiness. He spends all his time with Jaejoong in the forest, returning to his house only to eat and sleep. On the night before he has to return to Seoul, something more magical than anything Yoochun has ever experienced happens.
It’s a lovely night, and the fireflies are playing with the water sprites on the surface of the lake. Jaejoong and Yoochun cuddle up to each other on its bank and play with each other’s hair, trace patters on each other’s arms and chest. The mood is perfect, and the stars are bright in the midnight blue sky. Their eyes meet, and the spark ignites in their hearts. Yoochun’s eyes flit to Jaejoong’s lips, and before he knows it he’s capturing them in the most passionate kiss he can give. Jaejoong kisses back just as intensely and his lips part quickly. Yoochun licks into his mouth and tastes warm heaven all over again. Jaejoong ends up on his back, arms slung loosely around Yoochun’s neck as they continue to kiss for long, long minutes. When Yoochun breaks away for air his eyes are glistening, and Jaejoong’s eyes are just as bright with excitement.
“I’m ready if you are, Yoochun.”
Yoochun brushes his nose along Jaejoong’s jaw. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Make love to me tonight. I want this.”
And that’s all Yoochun needs to hear. He kisses Jaejoong’s forehead, nose, and lips before moving to his neck and sucking the flesh there. Jaejoong moans quietly under him. Yoochun’s hands move under Jaejoong’s shirt and push it up slowly, fingers roving over the smooth, perfect skin of his stomach. It’s heating up fast and Yoochun can’t help but bite the pale skin of Jaejoong’s neck a few times. No one will see the marks he left but Yoochun himself, and Yoochun wants to see them.
Yoochun breaks away from Jaejoong’s neck to gently pull Jaejoong’s shirt over his head and toss it aside. He keeps eye contact with Jaejoong as he removes his own and drops it to the side as well. Jaejoong looks up at him, eyes full of want and love, and Yoochun thinks his heart will burst with happiness. He can see the light of the moon and stars and fireflies in Jaejoong’s eyes and nothing matters but this, here, the two of them together in this single moment.
Yoochun kisses down Jaejoong’s chest slowly, pressing his lips against the warm, flushed skin and savoring its earthy taste. He feels Jaejoong’s heartbeat rise under his lips and feels a surge of lust at the thought that he is the one making Jaejoong feel like this. He trails his kisses lower and Jaejoong lets out an airy moan when Yoochun licks over his hipbone.
“Yoochun,” he groans, wiggling his hips lightly.
Yoochun gets the hint and pulls Jaejoongs pants off, revealing his legs and thighs and his hardening length. He pulls Jaejoong’s legs apart and kisses the inside of his thighs, over and over until they’re trembling and Jaejoong’s cock is hard and erect.
“Beautiful, so beautiful,” he says into the flesh of Jaejoong’s white thighs. Jaejoong whimpers.
“Yoochun, please…want to see you,” Jaejoong gasps and Yoochun gets rid of his pants. Jaejoong thinks Yoochun’s thin frame and black hair look gorgeous under the moonlight. He pulls him down for a long, sensual kiss before Yoochun moves back down to Jaejoong’s thighs.
Yoochun places one hand around the base of Jaejoong’s cock and rubs his balls with the other. Jaejoong’s hips thrash around a bit and he bites his lip. “Come on, please Yoochun,” and the words are music to Yoochun’s ears. He closes his mouth around Jaejoong’s tip and licks and sucks lightly, and Jaejoong moans loudly in that airy voice of his and it drives Yoochun mad with lust. He pulls off with a slick noise and places two fingers on Jaejoong’s thick, kiss-swollen lips. Jaejoong doesn’t break eye contact as he pulls them into his mouth and sucks, slicking them with his spit. The act looks sinfully gorgeous to Yoochun’s eyes and it makes him impatient.
He circles a slick finger around Jaejoong’s entrance and Jaejoong doesn’t think he’ll last. He curls his fingers in the grass around him and his body tenses up. Yoochun pushes it in and it feels strange, but it doesn’t feel bad.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine. I’m fine just do it.”
Yoochun thrusts the single finger in and out a few times, and Jaejoong’s walls are so tight around it that Yoochun can’t imagine what it will feel like when he’s inside.
He pushes a second finger in and Jaejoong groans. Yoochun gives him time to adjust before thrusting in and out again. He crooks his fingers and Jaejoong cries out with pleasure. Yoochun works against that spot as much as he can, trying to make it less painful and instead more pleasurable.
When he pushes in a third finger Jaejoong cries out loudly and arches his back high off the ground. His ribs are prominent against his skin and his whole body is flushed and glorious. Sweat dampens his hair and pleasure and pain contort Jaejoong’s pretty face in prettier ways and Yoochun can’t take it anymore, and neither can Jaejoong.
“Get in me now,” he says through gritted teeth.
Yoochun pushes in slowly and Jaejoong tries not to scream. It burns a bit but the prep was good and Jaejoong is ready to feel Yoochun press against that spot again. He pushes his hips down a bit to signal that Yoochun should go faster and Yoochun is hesitant because he doesn’t want to hurt Jaejoong but Jaejoong looks desperate so he starts to pick up the pace. It feels amazing, Jaejoong around him, hot and tight and clenching wonderfully. He thrusts quickly and Jaejoong’s head is thrown back, eyes hazy and unfocused with pleasure. The feeling of being filled is too warm and Jaejoong can’t find any words, and when Yoochun angles his last few thrusts and hits that spot in Jaejoong perfectly Jaejoong can’t help, can’t control at all the sounds that tumble off of his lips, moans and shrieks of pleasure that send electric shocks down Yoochun’s spine. Jaejoong cums first, hot and wet between their bodies and his walls clench down hard on Yoochun and Yoochun spills into Jaejoong, pushed up to the hilt. He slows down the roll of his hips as he rides out his orgasm and pulls out once it’s over, watching the silvery drops leak out of Jaejoong’s twitching hole.
Yoochun collapses on top of Jaejoong and kisses him with everything he has left. It’s messy and they laugh as their lips slide over each other and Jaejoong wraps his tired arms around Yoochun’s back and pulls him down to his side. They wrap their limbs around each other and share closed-eyed kisses for several minutes before exhaustion slows them down.
“Don’t go back to your house tonight,” Jaejoong pleads.
“Wouldn’t think of it,” Yoochun says, and they fall asleep under the starry night sky, the canopy of leaves providing their naked bodies with protection from heaven’s prying eyes.
Yoochun wakes when sunlight hits his eyelids at dawn. He disentangles himself from a fast asleep Jaejoong and looks down at him lovingly. They’d known each other for a long time, and it made their first night together so, so special. He knew he could never forget this, no matter what would happen. Gently, he shakes Jaejoong awake.
“Good morning, my beautiful fairy.”
Jaejoong opens his eyes slowly and Yoochun thinks he’s never looked more beautiful than he does right now. Jaejoong reaches his arms out and Yoochun laughs and settles into Jaejoong’s embrace for a few quiet morning moments.
“I’m leaving today.”
“I know. Just let me hold you for now.”
“I’ll come back again. I’ll keep visiting you when I get breaks.”
“Okay, good. Now shh, you’ll wake the pixies.”
Yoochun smiles and rests in Jaejoong’s arms. If this was magic, it had to be real.
Yoochun eventually adapts to Seoul. He still longs for Jaejoong every night, but he’s able to function in the city now. He graduates high school and enters a good university, and he makes his mother proud.
University is busier than high school, not in the sense that he has to be studying all the time, but in the sense that he has to start looking for internships and job opportunities. Yoochun gets so caught up in the rush of the urban life that it’s halfway through his winter break before he realizes he forgot to go home. Dread and shame wash over him. He can’t go home now, he thinks he can’t face Jaejoong like this, tell him he forgot. But longing gets the better part of him and he heads home anyways.
Jaejoong is upset at first but he just smiles sadly and welcomes Yoochun back into his arms. They make love again, and again, and again until they collapse from exhaustion and Yoochun sobs quietly into Jaejoong’s sleeping figure because he’s so tired of being away from him, and coming home is painful during these quiet moments when he knows he has to leave soon.
Yoochun’s visits get fewer and further between as life gets a hold of him and he spreads himself too thin between studies, work, and family. His brother gets married and Yoochun takes care of almost all of the arrangements with his mother. Guilt weighs him down but Yoochun still makes himself face Jaejoong, and Jaejoong is never too angry. I understand, I knew this would happen, it’s okay he tells Yoochun and Yoochun feels sad because he’s just another predictable human, destined to disappoint the purest creature in existence. But when they kiss and hold each other Yoochun feels fire in his veins and feels happiness surge through his brain and down his spine and Yoochun remembers why he keeps coming back: because there is magic here that doesn’t exist in the city, and to Yoochun, this will always be home.
When Yoochun is 25, his father dies. To say it comes as a shock is an understatement. Yoochun can’t tell anyone how he feels because he himself doesn’t know, but it’s a mix of anger and resentment and deep, indescribable pain and sorrow. He tries to be the man of the house and help his mother and brother through their grief but he doesn’t know how to handle his own. He can’t describe this turmoil, and it eats away at him.
They attend the funeral, dressed in all black, and everything is dim and horrible and Yoochun isn’t okay.
They stand over the casket as it’s lowered into the ground and Yoochun’s thoughts are a mess.
You were never there for me
You told me you loved me when I was young but then you never said it again
You didn’t love us
You didn’t hate us but you didn’t care either
You provided for us but then you left, you left us alone you bastard
Mom was terrified of you, wasn’t she, she was afraid you would hit her
Mommy never let us know how bad you were she was better than you ever were you bastard, I hate you
Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now please, just come back and be the father I always wanted to have
Why couldn’t you have been like other dads who loved their sons and taught them the values of being a man
Why weren’t you there for me
Why are you leaving now
Don’t leave, please please please don’t leave us alone again
Mommy, where’s Daddy, where is he, is he going to come back
You bastard, why didn’t you love me enough to stay?
Tears spill over and something inside Yoochun breaks and he doesn’t think he believes in magic anymore. He clings to his mother like he would when he was five and the stories about dragons and battles and heroes and wizards got too scary, but she is fragile too and she can only hug back. She looks broken, too, and Yoochun loses faith in everything.
A few months after the funeral, Yoochun takes a 3 day vacation from work to go home. He feels lost and empty and he doesn’t know how he can't face Jaejoong like this, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
He arrives at his house, and wonders why his father left it to him in his will if he was never there in the first place. Maybe he knew how much I loved it, Yoochun thinks, but then stops himself because as much as he wants to make himself believe his father cared, he can’t.
He removes his blazer and shoes and socks but keeps the rest of his stuffy office clothes on before he heads to the forest. He feels nothing.
Yoochun grows increasingly nervous as he heads deeper into the forest, and he can’t hear a single thing. No pixies chattering, no mermaids giggling, not even the birds are singing. He’s afraid of what waits for him ahead but he charges ahead toward the lake anyways.
Jaejoong isn’t there.
Yoochun can’t breathe. He drops to his knees and weeps.
“YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME, TOO! YOU SAID YOU’D ALWAYS BE HERE,” he yells into the silent woods.
“You said…you said you’d always be here…” Yoochun whimpers, and he knows that he’s a lost cause. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing is beautiful.
The cruelest part of life is that it continues on even when it feels like our world is crumbling around us. Life goes on for Yoochun, he advances in work but he doesn’t find joy in it. He drinks with his co-workers and plasters on smiles and laughter but he really hates them all. He finds comfort only in his mother and his brother, but they are busy too, and he doesn’t want to worry them with the extent of his sadness and desperate need for them. So he draws into himself, shuts himself in, suffers from depression and anxiety but doesn’t get treated because he doesn’t think his suffering is valid.
The months drag by. The seasons change. His friends get married. They try to set him up with people. He tries to meet them, but nothing seems right. He still thinks of Jaejoong, every night, without fail. He remembers that Jaejoong said if he could just believe in magic, something beautiful, something mystical that he would always be able to find him, but Yoochun just can’t anymore. Everything is sad.
When he’s 30, his mother asks him if he’s ever going to get married. Yoochun tries to laugh it off and tell her of course I will, I just haven’t found the right one, and you know how busy work is. But she looks concerned. I’m your mother, Yoochun. You’ve done so much for me and Yoohwan, but what do you ever do for yourself? Please, I just want to see your real smile again. Yoochun hugs her.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’m fine,” and the lie feels like a knife in his throat.
Sometimes, Yoochun thinks it’s all hopeless. That there’s no point in carrying on. Everything is empty and devoid of beauty and happiness. The only thing that keeps him alive is his family. If there’s anything to live for, it’s to make sure that they are well-off. But still, every day it becomes harder and harder to get out of bed.
“Yoochun. I have something to tell you,” his brother says, eyes gleaming with excitement.
“What is it, Yoohwan?”
“Sooyeon…she’s…she’s pregnant. I’m going to be a father, Yoochun. You’re going to be an uncle.”
Something inside Yoochun stirs. He wraps his younger brother in a hug. “Yoohwan, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you, I can’t wait to spoil your child rotten just like I spoiled you.”
“Hyung! Don’t you dare!” Yoohwan says, his bright laughter like music to Yoochun’s ears. For the first time in many years, Yoochun feels a hint of happiness in his heart.
She’s born on a sunny spring morning at eight pounds and 3 ounces. Her name is Park Hoeun and she is healthy and perfect and the most beautiful thing Yoochun has ever seen in his life. His sister-in-law meets her first. She cries and kisses her nose and tells her she’ll do anything for her, and she’ll try to be the best mother she can be, and that she loves her, and please forgive her if she messes up. Then she hands the baby to Yoohwan who also cries. He tells her that he’ll try his best to be a good father, and Yoochun knows that inside his heart Yoohwan is promising that he won’t be like their father was.
“Hoeun, meet your uncle Yoochun,” Yoohwan whispers, and hands the baby to Yoochun.
He cradles her in his arms and sits down in the chair in the corner with her. “She’s perfect,” he murmurs, and he kisses her head. He looks at her small, completely vulnerable body. She doesn’t cry in his arms, and Yoochun thinks it’s a miracle that she already trusts him. He must really look like her father. Hoeun makes small, sweet noises of contentment and Yoochun cries.
“I promise to be the best uncle I can be. I also promise to piss your father off by spoiling you rotten,” he laughs through his tears and Yoohwan joins him in the laughter.
“Meet your grandmother, Hoeun,” he says, voice thick with the tears as he hands her off to his mother. Then he excuses himself so that he can collect his emotions.
He steps outside the hospital just to get a breath of air. The sun is high in the sky and the few trees on the sidewalks are blooming with flowers pink and purple. The sky is blue and the grass has never looked greener. Yoochun closes his eyes and remembers his niece wiggling in her blanket in his arms. She was a miracle; no, she was magical.
That weekend, Yoohwan and his wife take their child home for the first time. Yoochun wants to let the family bond, so he takes the opportunity to face his worst fears and travels back to his home in the countryside.
He sets his bags inside the house. Dust and dirt had collected in the years he’d been gone. Before he does anything else, he cleans up his father’s shrine in the corner of the living room. He lights incense and places a bouquet of flowers he’d bought before he left Seoul in front of his father’s picture.
“Yoohwan had a baby girl. She looks like you.” It’s awkward, talking like this. But it feels right. “Her name is Park Hoeun and she’s…she’s just amazing, dad. You would love her.” Yoochun tugs at his collar. He scratches his head.
“She’s going to grow up fine, so don’t worry, wherever you are. I’ll take good care of her. I love her so much, dad. She’s beautiful…And…and…dad? I know you cared for us, in your own way. Thanks for the things you did. I’m ready to move on now. I’ll see you in the next lifetime. Maybe then, we’ll have a better relationship.”
He gets up and dusts off his pants. He blows out the candles and incense and takes a deep breath and heads for the forest.
He brushes his hands, now roughened with age, over the aged bark of the trees. He smells the scents of the forest, fresh and ancient all together. He becomes excited when he hears the chatter of the forest creatures. His heart beats fast and wild in his chest and he wants to sprint toward the lake but he steadies himself and walks slowly, re-familiarizing himself with the forest and its sights and sounds. The evening colors of the sky are visible above the complex canopy of green leaves and flowers of every hue hanging off the trees branches. They produce an intoxicating fragrance, and Yoochun is so nervous and excited that he can’t stand it. He walks towards the lake.
“You found me again, Yoochun,” Jaejoong says, facing the lake as always, his back to Yoochun. His fairy’s voice rings out clear and beautiful and it takes everything Yoochun has to not launch himself running toward Jaejoong.
“I found you,” he says, and when Jaejoong turns around, his eyes are glistening with tears of joy. He starts walking toward Yoochun but then breaks into a run and tackles Yoochun onto the ground.
“I never left, I was always here, waiting for you.”
Yoochun wipes away Jaejoongs tears with his thumbs and then pulls him into his chest. “I know, I know you were. I’m so sorry I made you wait so long.”
Yoochun rolls them around like he did when they were children and pins Jaejoong beneath him. “I love you. I still love you so much after all this time. Can you forgive me?”
Jaejoong grins playfully and rolls them around once more, pinning Yoochun down into a bed of daffodils. He leans down and kisses him; a long, deep kiss that leaves Yoochun completely breathless.
“I forgive you. I love you, too”
And they spend the weekend under the flowering trees, frolicking through the woods during the day and making love under the stars at night. Yoochun tastes every inch of Jaejoong’s sweet, sweet skin and has Jaejoong moaning his name when he presses into him and worships every inch of his heavenly flesh with his mouth and teeth. Love you, I love you, Jaejoong, my beautiful fairy, thank you for not giving up on me, I love you.
Yoochun leaves the next morning but he promises to come back soon. And Jaejoong has no doubt that he will.
Yoochun watches his niece grow into a beautiful young child. He adores her, plays with her, buys her nice things and teaches her math and reading so that she’ll be the smartest kid in school. She loves him back and she falls asleep in his arms after long reading lessons. Yoochun adores her.
He visits Jaejoong almost every month. They kiss and share stories and spend nights curled around each other. Life is beautiful once more.
When Yoochun is 43, he retires early, having made a not-so-small fortune from his success in Seoul. He gives a portion to Yoohwan and his wife and daughter, and a portion to his mother. Then he moves back out into the countryside, back to the house he was raised in. He promises to visit Seoul twice a month, and he keeps his promise.
He spends some of his days volunteering as the economics teacher at the local high school, and other days volunteering at the animal shelter. He cleans up the streets when he’s bored, and he babysits some of the small children around town.
And every night, without fail, he returns to his beautiful, magical fairy named Jaejoong.
“Uncle Yoochun, is magic real?” Hoeun asks from her place in Yoochun’s lap as they read another storybook.
Yoochun hugs her against his chest. “Yes, Hoeun. It’s very, very real. As long as you believe in magic, you’ll always find it.”
a/n: thank you thank you thank you to my lovely katie who beta'd this for me in the middle of the night. you're a life saver. roald dahl was my favorite childhood author, can you tell?? lolol. (that blatant minpins ref tho). some of the things in this are pretty heavy, but happy, fluffy ending yay! also, yoochun w/ kids alskdfjal;s esp lil girls he keeps saying he wants a daughter and that (2011 i think?) black day interview where the lil girl is in his lap and he just plays w/ her lil hands andaldfal;sk i died;; idk what else to say ugh, my brain is so dead from this. i really, really hope you like it because i put a lot into it. please leave comments if you enjoyed~!
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pairing: yoochun/jaejoong
genre: fluff w/ angst in between, au
length: ~7200 wc
warnings: mentions of depression and anxiety
summary: yoochun falls in love with a fairy who teaches him what magic really is
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” - Roald Dahl, 1916 - 1990
When Yoochun is five, his mother reads stories to him at bedtime. Yoochun smiles up at her from under his warm blanket and listens in awe to stories about fierce dragons, about wizards and witches, about brave heroes who save the world with a single sword and about magic. He falls asleep just after hearing and they all lived happily ever after and dreams of himself as the magical hero who saves the people he loves.
Sometimes Yoochun’s mom glances at him with a worried expression when he enters the room and sweetly tells him to go outside and play. Yoochun gladly agrees and runs outside to the edge of the forest near the house. He knows he’s not supposed to go deep in, but after hearing about all the fantastical adventures that happen in forests from his storybooks, the temptation is too great.
He makes sure not to go too far, and makes sure to only go straight so that he can easily get back to his house. He pushes through branches and climbs over thick, fallen tree trunks. The forest floor isn’t as easy to navigate as it was in the storybooks, and it’s a lot darker too. He falls down a few times, and gets back up with a few scrapes. But children are resilient, and the forest is thrilling.
There’s a small body of water up ahead and Yoochun thinks he’ll stop there and wash off the dirt and rest before heading back. He approaches the pond and notices a child sitting there, his back to Yoochun. The boy looks small, about his size. He’s wearing white, and looks very bright in the dark shadows of the woods. Yoochun wonders what a child his age is doing out here.
“Um, hello? Are you lost?” he asks tentatively.
The child doesn’t turn around. “No, I’m not,” he replies, voice clear against the haze of the humid forest.
“Oh, okay then. Do you mind if I come wash up next to you?”
The little boy turns around. Yoochun gasps. He looks like a character from one of his storybooks. Big eyes and pale skin, he looks like an angelic child.
“No, you can’t wash up in this. The creatures who live in this lake can’t come into contact with human filth or else they will be hurt.”
If Yoochun were older, he might be offended at this. But he is five, and it makes perfect sense to him.
“Oh, okay. Then can I just sit next to you?”
The boy looks wary, but he nods.
“I’m Yoochun,” he says as he settles down next to him. “I live close by. What’s your name? Do you go to my Kindergarten?”
The boy giggles. “My name’s Jaejoong. And no, I don’t go to your school.”
“Really? Why not? It’s the only one in this area,” Yoochun asks, puzzled.
“Because fairies don’t go to school.”
“Woah, you’re a fairy?” Yoochun yelps, voice full of wonder.
Jaejoong smiles. “Yeah. But I don’t have wings or anything. I just live in the forest and walk around, making sure all the magical creatures are safe.”
Yoochun’s jaw drops. “You mean it’s real?”
“What, magic? Well of course it’s real. It’s real if you believe in it.”
Yoochun and Jaejoong become fast friends. Yoochun visits him when he plays outside and Jaejoong shows him the magical things of the woods.
“This is a petal pixie,” Jaejoong explains, squatting down by a small flower. Yoochun squints and looks closely until he sees a silver spec flitting around the purple petals of the flower. “She helps the flowers grow by singing to them when they’re tired.”
“Wow,” is all Yoochun can say.
Jaejoong grins and takes him by the hand, dragging him toward a tall, thick tree. He begins to climb and Yoochun stares after him. Jaejoong glances back down halfway up the thick trunk.
“What are you still doing down there? Come up!”
Yoochun follows Jaejoong up the tree, grabbing onto branches and thick leaves. He goes slower than Jaejoong, but gets to him eventually. They settle on a thick branch high in the air. Jaejoong gestures to Yoochun to follow him as he crawls across the branch, heading toward the thinner end.
“Look, do you see these little guys marching across the bark? These are minpins! They’re like us, but they’re smaller and live in trees.”
Yoochun looks hard. It takes him a minute before he sees anything, but when he blinks hard and opens his eyes, he sees a tiny girl staring up at him. She looks scared.
“Oh my gosh, wow! Hi! What’s your name?”
The tiny girl yelps and runs back into her hole in the tree. Yoochun looks upset.
“Don’t worry, they’re just not used to humans.”
“If I come by more often, will they get used to me? Will they talk to me?”
Jaejoong looks at him for a long moment, like he’s wondering why Yoochun would want such a thing. Then he smiles and nods. “Yeah, I think they would.”
When Yoochun is 10, his mother stops reading to him before bed. She looks tired these days, and she thinks it’s time for Yoochun to start reading to himself. She still kisses him goodnight, but she doesn’t ask him about his day, and she looks delicate and fragile and Yoochun wants to hold her hand but he doesn’t know if that’s the right thing to do. So he reads to himself until he falls asleep, but for some reason the books about magic don’t seem as appealing anymore.
Yoochun walks as quietly as possible towards the lake. He hasn’t come out in a few weeks and he feels kind of guilty about it. He sees him sitting there, his back to Yoochun, dressed in white and glowing softly, just like always. They’ve grown in similar proportions, so Yoochun almost feels like he’s seeing himself. Maybe Jaejoong is a part of him, in some ways.
“It’s been a while. Where were you?”
“Inside. It’s cold these days.”
“That never stopped you before.”
Yoochun sighs and sits next to Jaejoong.
“I’m sorry. I’ll come more.”
Jaejoong slips a hand into Yoochun’s and holds tight.
“Please.”
When Yoochun is 13, he hears his parents fighting. He hasn’t heard his dad’s voice in months, but it’s finally here, in his house, and it’s yelling and loud and ugly. It makes him feel sick and he wants to run away. So he does, back into the forest, but something is different. He’s filled with anger and he can’t feel the magic like he used to. It buzzes in the back of his mind but the anger buzzes louder everywhere else. He doesn’t go to the lake. He just goes to the tree and climbs as high as he can, not caring to be cautious and avoid scrapes on the rough old bark. He gets scratched but he doesn’t care. He settles on a high branch with more force than necessary and heaves a loud sigh before kicking his feet around and slamming his heels against the branch until Jaejoong appears at the base of the tree and yells, “Stop! You’re scaring them! Stop, Yoochun!”
Yoochun looks down at Jaejoong and his breath catches in his throat. It’s been weeks since he’d seen Jaejoong, and he’d almost forgotten what magic looked like. Beautiful, innocent, and pure. Yoochun thinks he shouldn’t be in the presence of such a pure being.
“Jaejoong, I.. I’m sorry.”
Jaejoong climbs up to join him on the branch. “What’s wrong?” he asks, linking his arm through Yoochun’s and leaning his head onto his shoulder.
Yoochun shakes his head. “Nothing, it’s nothing… I just…”
“You can tell me… I know I’m not human but… maybe I could help.”
Yoochun chuckles. “You’re sweet, but I don’t think you can.” He leans his head onto Jaejoong’s and they sit there. It’s nice to be with someone, to have someone hold him when his heart is hurting. “But, thank you for being here. It helps me a lot.”
Jaejoong grips his arm a bit tighter. “I’ll always be here.”
Yoochun unlinks his arm from Jaejoong’s to put it around his shoulders. Jaejoong leans in against Yoochun’s chest and wraps his arms around his middle.
“You can never leave the forest?”
“Who else would look after the creatures?”
“Are there any other fairies like you? To keep you company?”
Jaejoong looks down. “No. I’m alone. Of course, the pixies and gnomes and mermaids keep me company but we don’t speak the same language. It’s not the same.”
Yoochun hugs him a bit tighter. “I’m here. I’ll be here.”
Jaejoong looks up at him. “You can’t be with me forever.”
Yoochun looks down into his big, deep eyes and feels his heart squeeze. He glances down at his lips, plump and lush and slightly parted.
“Then, as long as I can, I’ll be here.”
He leans down slowly, his nose brushing the side of Jaejoong’s, and he can taste his breath, it’s sweet and magical and intoxicating. “Yeah,” Jaejoong breathes, “okay. As long as you can,” and their lips meet softly, slowly, under the rustling leaves of the old tree, sunlight filtering through them gently. Their lips stay touching for a minute, and Yoochun’s heart beats faster and faster the whole while. Jaejoong grips Yoochun’s shirt tightly, trying to control his excitement. When Yoochun pulls back after the minute is up, he smiles in a way he hasn’t smiled in a long time, and leans his forehead against Jaejoong’s.
“That was my first kiss,” he breathes.
“Mine too,” Jaejoong giggles, and Yoochun can feel the reality of the magic in the woods once more.
For a while, things are good. They’re amazing. Yoochun visits Jaejoong in the forest often, whenever he has a break from studying. They explore new areas of the forest, ones that Yoochun never dared to venture into before. The forest creatures are still wary of Yoochun, but they at least recognize him, and they don’t run away on sight, which makes Yoochun really happy. They run through flower patches and when they stumble over each other they roll around until Yoochun ends up on top, pinning Jaejoong beneath him, and they’re breathing hard. Yoochun grins a wild grin and leans down to kiss him, and Jaejoong laughs into the kiss from pure joy. Yoochun leaps off and offers a hand to Jaejoong, who jumps up and then races Yoochun to climb the highest trees. They clamber over each other to the top and when there’s a stable branch Yoochun gently pushes Jaejoong onto his back on top of it and leans down to kiss him, soft and sweet just like their very first time. Jaejoong curls his hands in the fabric of Yoochun’s shirt and Yoochun thinks that he’s found heaven in Jaejoong’s magic.
“I love you,” he gasps.
Jaejoong pulls him closer, and parts his lips under Yoochun’s, inviting him in, and Yoochun tastes him and it’s more than he can take. He wants this forever.
“I love you so much. You’re so perfect, Jaejoong.”
“Yoochun,” Jaejoong moans, “I do too. I love you too.”
They spend their early adolescence together like this, playing together and trying new things. Yoochun jerks him off on top of a bed of deep red flowers and it’s so, so beautiful the way Jaejoong blushes the shade of the flowers beneath his snow white skin and struggles to cover himself because he’s shy but Yoochun kisses him and tells him there’s nothing to be afraid of, to trust him completely, and Jaejoong is in love so he does, he trusts Yoochun with all his heart.
One day after they pick flowers and make crowns out of them for each other, Jaejoong surprises Yoochun and pounces on him. He’s grinning mischievously and Yoochun swallows as he looks up at Jaejoong.
“Jaejoong, what -” but Jaejoong cuts him off with a kiss, before he trails lower, kissing Yoochun’s body lightly over the fabric of his shirt.
“Oh god, what are you doing, ah…”
Jaejoong hooks his fingers under the waistband of Yoochun’s pants and underwear and hesitantly, slowly pulls them down. Yoochun, just as hesitant, lifts his hips so Jaejoong can pull them off completely. Yoochun feels exposed and vulnerable but Jaejoong grips his hand tightly and looks into his eyes, and Yoochun trusts him, loves him, so he opens his legs for Jaejoong, and Jaejoong smiles beautifully. He lowers his head and licks the tip of Yoochun’s cock, and Yoochun hisses, and it encourages Jaejoong to keep going. He licks it a few more times and then wraps his lips around the head and Yoochun throws his head back into the soft ground.
“Jaejoong, ohh that feels -” he moans, and Jaejoong start moving his mouth up and down the length. He licks stripes from tip to base and back down and then puts his mouth around it again and sucks. Yoochun accidentally bucks into Jaejoong’s mouth and Jaejoong coughs a bit but doesn’t pull his mouth off, he just places his hands on Yoochun’s hips and pushes down, signaling him to stay still. Yoochun whimpers but stills, though his thighs are quivering madly. Shaky from pleasure, Yoochun lifts himself onto his elbows to watch as his cock disappears into Jaejoong’s pretty, pretty mouth and the sight is too much, and Yoochun knows he can’t last. Jaejoong looks up at him through long lashes and Yoochun sees himself in those big, deep eyes and he spills, hot and long down Jaejoong’s throat. Only a few drops escape from Jaejoong’s mouth and he wipes them away with his sleeve, grinning like he’s just won a prize.
Yoochun groans and grabs Jaejoong by the wrist and pulls him tumbling down into his arms, cradling him against his chest.
“You’re too good, you feel like heaven, I love you,” he says into his neck.
“That tickles,” Jaejoong laughs, but he settles into Yoochun and traces lazy patterns across his chest. “You’re my first, you know.”
“I know. You’re my first too.”
Jaejoong’s voice dies down to a whisper. “Maybe someday, not now but someday, we can be each other’s first for…”
Yoochun giggles and kisses the tip of Jaejoong’s nose. “For what?” he teases.
Jaejoong buries his face in Yoochun’s chest. “Don’t make me say it out loud,” he groans.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Yoochunnn, come on.”
“You’ll have to elaborate, Jaejoong-ie,” he coos.
“Sex, okay! We can be each other’s first. We can…make love.”
Yoochun hugs Jaejoong close. “Yeah, maybe one day we can do that too. I wouldn’t want to with anyone else.”
“Me either. There is no one else, for me.”
When Yoochun turns 15, everything goes wrong. His parents file for a divorce, and Yoochun finds out when he comes home from school early and there’s a stack of papers on their kitchen counter. It feels like someone plunged a knife through his stomach. He draws into himself, and he doesn’t know what to do.
His mother approaches him one day and tells him they’re moving to the city. Far away from where they are now, far away from the quiet, peaceful country, and far, far away from the forest. Away from Jaejoong. Yoochun can’t handle it. He’s just a child, he doesn’t know what to do. That night, he doesn’t see Jaejoong. He just cries.
“I’m leaving,” Yoochun says. His voice is empty. It’s cold and distant.
“What do you mean?” Jaejoong sounds scared, fragile.
“My parents are divorcing. I guess you don’t know what that means, since everything is perfect and happy in your world. It means my family is broken. Do you even know what a family is?” Yoochun spits venom, and it burns.
“Yoochun, I…” Jaejoong reaches out, he wants to hold Yoochun, help him, but Yoochun recoils.
“I’m moving far, far away. I won’t see you ever again.”
“No, no don’t, please Yoochun. Don’t go, don’t leave me here all alone.”
“You were alone before. Can’t you just go back to the way you were?”
“How can I? Now that I know what it’s like…” Jaejoong approaches him slowly, “now that I know what it’s like to be held in your arms, what it’s like,” he cups Yoochun’s face in his hand, “what it’s like to kiss you,” he leans in close, breathes in Yoochun’s scent, “to touch you,” places a hand on Yoochun’s hip, “to be yours, how can I go back to being all alone?”
“Will you…be sad?” Yoochun asks, his voice wavering.
“I’ll be so sad, I don’t know if I can live without you anymore.”
Yoochun’s body shakes in Jaejoong’s soft embrace. “I…I don’t want to either. I don’t want to leave you,” and his voice cracks.
“Why? Why do you have to go?”
Yoochun wraps his arms around Jaejoong and hugs him tight. “I don’t know. I don’t want to. I’m so scared, Jaejoong, my whole world is falling apart. I can’t see the pixies anymore. I can’t feel the magic anymore, where did it go?”
“Shh, it’s okay, I’m still here. I’m here, Yoochun.”
“I don’t want to leave you. What if I come back and I can’t see you anymore, either? Jaejoong, don’t disappear, please.”
Jaejoong pulls back. He looks Yoochun straight in the eye. “Yoochun. As long as you believe in magic, as long as you believe there is something more in this world, something beautiful and mystical, you will find me. I promise I won’t leave. I’ll be here, waiting. I promise.”
Yoochun kisses him, then. Long and hard, passionate and tearful. “I’ll come back, Jaejoong.”
The first few months in Seoul are horrible. Yoochun’s country accent is thick, and the kids at school make fun of him viciously. If he was funny and outgoing, maybe they’d like him, but he’s shy and withdrawn, so that only makes it all worse. School is more difficult in the city, too. Yoochun finds himself falling behind in his grades and being too depressed and anxious to reach out for help.
The outdoors don’t provide solace like they used to. There’s no fresh air, it’s all polluted. There’s tall, thick buildings everywhere instead of trees, and he can’t even see the stars at night. It’s awful, and he hates it.
He lies awake many nights, thinking of Jaejoong. His heart hurts when he misses him, and he knows Jaejoong misses him too. He wants to go home.
After 6 months, Yoochun gets a break from school and packs his bags and gets on a bus home, ignoring his mother’s protests. He drops his things in his old house, which now belongs solely to his father, who’s never there anyways. He washes up in his old bathroom and heads to the forest.
It’s as beautiful as ever. It feels like home. Yoochun runs his hands across the rough back of the ancient trees. He feels himself coming back to life as he breathes in the sunlight that gently hits the forest floor. He picks a bouquet of wildflowers as he heads for the lake, happily thinking to himself he’ll pleasantly surprise his fairy with it.
And he’s there, sitting at the edge of the lake, his back to Yoochun. He’s grown, too. The white glow around him has dimmed, but it’s there.
“Jaejoong. I’m back.”
He stands up. He turns around. He runs right into Yoochun’s arms.
“I missed you so much.”
Yoochun hugs him tight. “I missed you, too. I thought of you every night.”
Jaejoong laughs, his cheek pressed to Yoochun’s chest. “What’s that you have for me?”
Yoochun shows him the flowers. He tucks one behind Jaejoong’s ear.
“My beautiful fairy,” he murmurs.
“All yours,” Jaejoong says, and their lips find each other in bliss.
The weeks of Yoochun’s break pass in pure happiness. He spends all his time with Jaejoong in the forest, returning to his house only to eat and sleep. On the night before he has to return to Seoul, something more magical than anything Yoochun has ever experienced happens.
It’s a lovely night, and the fireflies are playing with the water sprites on the surface of the lake. Jaejoong and Yoochun cuddle up to each other on its bank and play with each other’s hair, trace patters on each other’s arms and chest. The mood is perfect, and the stars are bright in the midnight blue sky. Their eyes meet, and the spark ignites in their hearts. Yoochun’s eyes flit to Jaejoong’s lips, and before he knows it he’s capturing them in the most passionate kiss he can give. Jaejoong kisses back just as intensely and his lips part quickly. Yoochun licks into his mouth and tastes warm heaven all over again. Jaejoong ends up on his back, arms slung loosely around Yoochun’s neck as they continue to kiss for long, long minutes. When Yoochun breaks away for air his eyes are glistening, and Jaejoong’s eyes are just as bright with excitement.
“I’m ready if you are, Yoochun.”
Yoochun brushes his nose along Jaejoong’s jaw. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Make love to me tonight. I want this.”
And that’s all Yoochun needs to hear. He kisses Jaejoong’s forehead, nose, and lips before moving to his neck and sucking the flesh there. Jaejoong moans quietly under him. Yoochun’s hands move under Jaejoong’s shirt and push it up slowly, fingers roving over the smooth, perfect skin of his stomach. It’s heating up fast and Yoochun can’t help but bite the pale skin of Jaejoong’s neck a few times. No one will see the marks he left but Yoochun himself, and Yoochun wants to see them.
Yoochun breaks away from Jaejoong’s neck to gently pull Jaejoong’s shirt over his head and toss it aside. He keeps eye contact with Jaejoong as he removes his own and drops it to the side as well. Jaejoong looks up at him, eyes full of want and love, and Yoochun thinks his heart will burst with happiness. He can see the light of the moon and stars and fireflies in Jaejoong’s eyes and nothing matters but this, here, the two of them together in this single moment.
Yoochun kisses down Jaejoong’s chest slowly, pressing his lips against the warm, flushed skin and savoring its earthy taste. He feels Jaejoong’s heartbeat rise under his lips and feels a surge of lust at the thought that he is the one making Jaejoong feel like this. He trails his kisses lower and Jaejoong lets out an airy moan when Yoochun licks over his hipbone.
“Yoochun,” he groans, wiggling his hips lightly.
Yoochun gets the hint and pulls Jaejoongs pants off, revealing his legs and thighs and his hardening length. He pulls Jaejoong’s legs apart and kisses the inside of his thighs, over and over until they’re trembling and Jaejoong’s cock is hard and erect.
“Beautiful, so beautiful,” he says into the flesh of Jaejoong’s white thighs. Jaejoong whimpers.
“Yoochun, please…want to see you,” Jaejoong gasps and Yoochun gets rid of his pants. Jaejoong thinks Yoochun’s thin frame and black hair look gorgeous under the moonlight. He pulls him down for a long, sensual kiss before Yoochun moves back down to Jaejoong’s thighs.
Yoochun places one hand around the base of Jaejoong’s cock and rubs his balls with the other. Jaejoong’s hips thrash around a bit and he bites his lip. “Come on, please Yoochun,” and the words are music to Yoochun’s ears. He closes his mouth around Jaejoong’s tip and licks and sucks lightly, and Jaejoong moans loudly in that airy voice of his and it drives Yoochun mad with lust. He pulls off with a slick noise and places two fingers on Jaejoong’s thick, kiss-swollen lips. Jaejoong doesn’t break eye contact as he pulls them into his mouth and sucks, slicking them with his spit. The act looks sinfully gorgeous to Yoochun’s eyes and it makes him impatient.
He circles a slick finger around Jaejoong’s entrance and Jaejoong doesn’t think he’ll last. He curls his fingers in the grass around him and his body tenses up. Yoochun pushes it in and it feels strange, but it doesn’t feel bad.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine. I’m fine just do it.”
Yoochun thrusts the single finger in and out a few times, and Jaejoong’s walls are so tight around it that Yoochun can’t imagine what it will feel like when he’s inside.
He pushes a second finger in and Jaejoong groans. Yoochun gives him time to adjust before thrusting in and out again. He crooks his fingers and Jaejoong cries out with pleasure. Yoochun works against that spot as much as he can, trying to make it less painful and instead more pleasurable.
When he pushes in a third finger Jaejoong cries out loudly and arches his back high off the ground. His ribs are prominent against his skin and his whole body is flushed and glorious. Sweat dampens his hair and pleasure and pain contort Jaejoong’s pretty face in prettier ways and Yoochun can’t take it anymore, and neither can Jaejoong.
“Get in me now,” he says through gritted teeth.
Yoochun pushes in slowly and Jaejoong tries not to scream. It burns a bit but the prep was good and Jaejoong is ready to feel Yoochun press against that spot again. He pushes his hips down a bit to signal that Yoochun should go faster and Yoochun is hesitant because he doesn’t want to hurt Jaejoong but Jaejoong looks desperate so he starts to pick up the pace. It feels amazing, Jaejoong around him, hot and tight and clenching wonderfully. He thrusts quickly and Jaejoong’s head is thrown back, eyes hazy and unfocused with pleasure. The feeling of being filled is too warm and Jaejoong can’t find any words, and when Yoochun angles his last few thrusts and hits that spot in Jaejoong perfectly Jaejoong can’t help, can’t control at all the sounds that tumble off of his lips, moans and shrieks of pleasure that send electric shocks down Yoochun’s spine. Jaejoong cums first, hot and wet between their bodies and his walls clench down hard on Yoochun and Yoochun spills into Jaejoong, pushed up to the hilt. He slows down the roll of his hips as he rides out his orgasm and pulls out once it’s over, watching the silvery drops leak out of Jaejoong’s twitching hole.
Yoochun collapses on top of Jaejoong and kisses him with everything he has left. It’s messy and they laugh as their lips slide over each other and Jaejoong wraps his tired arms around Yoochun’s back and pulls him down to his side. They wrap their limbs around each other and share closed-eyed kisses for several minutes before exhaustion slows them down.
“Don’t go back to your house tonight,” Jaejoong pleads.
“Wouldn’t think of it,” Yoochun says, and they fall asleep under the starry night sky, the canopy of leaves providing their naked bodies with protection from heaven’s prying eyes.
Yoochun wakes when sunlight hits his eyelids at dawn. He disentangles himself from a fast asleep Jaejoong and looks down at him lovingly. They’d known each other for a long time, and it made their first night together so, so special. He knew he could never forget this, no matter what would happen. Gently, he shakes Jaejoong awake.
“Good morning, my beautiful fairy.”
Jaejoong opens his eyes slowly and Yoochun thinks he’s never looked more beautiful than he does right now. Jaejoong reaches his arms out and Yoochun laughs and settles into Jaejoong’s embrace for a few quiet morning moments.
“I’m leaving today.”
“I know. Just let me hold you for now.”
“I’ll come back again. I’ll keep visiting you when I get breaks.”
“Okay, good. Now shh, you’ll wake the pixies.”
Yoochun smiles and rests in Jaejoong’s arms. If this was magic, it had to be real.
Yoochun eventually adapts to Seoul. He still longs for Jaejoong every night, but he’s able to function in the city now. He graduates high school and enters a good university, and he makes his mother proud.
University is busier than high school, not in the sense that he has to be studying all the time, but in the sense that he has to start looking for internships and job opportunities. Yoochun gets so caught up in the rush of the urban life that it’s halfway through his winter break before he realizes he forgot to go home. Dread and shame wash over him. He can’t go home now, he thinks he can’t face Jaejoong like this, tell him he forgot. But longing gets the better part of him and he heads home anyways.
Jaejoong is upset at first but he just smiles sadly and welcomes Yoochun back into his arms. They make love again, and again, and again until they collapse from exhaustion and Yoochun sobs quietly into Jaejoong’s sleeping figure because he’s so tired of being away from him, and coming home is painful during these quiet moments when he knows he has to leave soon.
Yoochun’s visits get fewer and further between as life gets a hold of him and he spreads himself too thin between studies, work, and family. His brother gets married and Yoochun takes care of almost all of the arrangements with his mother. Guilt weighs him down but Yoochun still makes himself face Jaejoong, and Jaejoong is never too angry. I understand, I knew this would happen, it’s okay he tells Yoochun and Yoochun feels sad because he’s just another predictable human, destined to disappoint the purest creature in existence. But when they kiss and hold each other Yoochun feels fire in his veins and feels happiness surge through his brain and down his spine and Yoochun remembers why he keeps coming back: because there is magic here that doesn’t exist in the city, and to Yoochun, this will always be home.
When Yoochun is 25, his father dies. To say it comes as a shock is an understatement. Yoochun can’t tell anyone how he feels because he himself doesn’t know, but it’s a mix of anger and resentment and deep, indescribable pain and sorrow. He tries to be the man of the house and help his mother and brother through their grief but he doesn’t know how to handle his own. He can’t describe this turmoil, and it eats away at him.
They attend the funeral, dressed in all black, and everything is dim and horrible and Yoochun isn’t okay.
They stand over the casket as it’s lowered into the ground and Yoochun’s thoughts are a mess.
You were never there for me
You told me you loved me when I was young but then you never said it again
You didn’t love us
You didn’t hate us but you didn’t care either
You provided for us but then you left, you left us alone you bastard
Mom was terrified of you, wasn’t she, she was afraid you would hit her
Mommy never let us know how bad you were she was better than you ever were you bastard, I hate you
Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now please, just come back and be the father I always wanted to have
Why couldn’t you have been like other dads who loved their sons and taught them the values of being a man
Why weren’t you there for me
Why are you leaving now
Don’t leave, please please please don’t leave us alone again
Mommy, where’s Daddy, where is he, is he going to come back
You bastard, why didn’t you love me enough to stay?
Tears spill over and something inside Yoochun breaks and he doesn’t think he believes in magic anymore. He clings to his mother like he would when he was five and the stories about dragons and battles and heroes and wizards got too scary, but she is fragile too and she can only hug back. She looks broken, too, and Yoochun loses faith in everything.
A few months after the funeral, Yoochun takes a 3 day vacation from work to go home. He feels lost and empty and he doesn’t know how he can't face Jaejoong like this, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
He arrives at his house, and wonders why his father left it to him in his will if he was never there in the first place. Maybe he knew how much I loved it, Yoochun thinks, but then stops himself because as much as he wants to make himself believe his father cared, he can’t.
He removes his blazer and shoes and socks but keeps the rest of his stuffy office clothes on before he heads to the forest. He feels nothing.
Yoochun grows increasingly nervous as he heads deeper into the forest, and he can’t hear a single thing. No pixies chattering, no mermaids giggling, not even the birds are singing. He’s afraid of what waits for him ahead but he charges ahead toward the lake anyways.
Jaejoong isn’t there.
Yoochun can’t breathe. He drops to his knees and weeps.
“YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME, TOO! YOU SAID YOU’D ALWAYS BE HERE,” he yells into the silent woods.
“You said…you said you’d always be here…” Yoochun whimpers, and he knows that he’s a lost cause. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing is beautiful.
The cruelest part of life is that it continues on even when it feels like our world is crumbling around us. Life goes on for Yoochun, he advances in work but he doesn’t find joy in it. He drinks with his co-workers and plasters on smiles and laughter but he really hates them all. He finds comfort only in his mother and his brother, but they are busy too, and he doesn’t want to worry them with the extent of his sadness and desperate need for them. So he draws into himself, shuts himself in, suffers from depression and anxiety but doesn’t get treated because he doesn’t think his suffering is valid.
The months drag by. The seasons change. His friends get married. They try to set him up with people. He tries to meet them, but nothing seems right. He still thinks of Jaejoong, every night, without fail. He remembers that Jaejoong said if he could just believe in magic, something beautiful, something mystical that he would always be able to find him, but Yoochun just can’t anymore. Everything is sad.
When he’s 30, his mother asks him if he’s ever going to get married. Yoochun tries to laugh it off and tell her of course I will, I just haven’t found the right one, and you know how busy work is. But she looks concerned. I’m your mother, Yoochun. You’ve done so much for me and Yoohwan, but what do you ever do for yourself? Please, I just want to see your real smile again. Yoochun hugs her.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’m fine,” and the lie feels like a knife in his throat.
Sometimes, Yoochun thinks it’s all hopeless. That there’s no point in carrying on. Everything is empty and devoid of beauty and happiness. The only thing that keeps him alive is his family. If there’s anything to live for, it’s to make sure that they are well-off. But still, every day it becomes harder and harder to get out of bed.
“Yoochun. I have something to tell you,” his brother says, eyes gleaming with excitement.
“What is it, Yoohwan?”
“Sooyeon…she’s…she’s pregnant. I’m going to be a father, Yoochun. You’re going to be an uncle.”
Something inside Yoochun stirs. He wraps his younger brother in a hug. “Yoohwan, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you, I can’t wait to spoil your child rotten just like I spoiled you.”
“Hyung! Don’t you dare!” Yoohwan says, his bright laughter like music to Yoochun’s ears. For the first time in many years, Yoochun feels a hint of happiness in his heart.
She’s born on a sunny spring morning at eight pounds and 3 ounces. Her name is Park Hoeun and she is healthy and perfect and the most beautiful thing Yoochun has ever seen in his life. His sister-in-law meets her first. She cries and kisses her nose and tells her she’ll do anything for her, and she’ll try to be the best mother she can be, and that she loves her, and please forgive her if she messes up. Then she hands the baby to Yoohwan who also cries. He tells her that he’ll try his best to be a good father, and Yoochun knows that inside his heart Yoohwan is promising that he won’t be like their father was.
“Hoeun, meet your uncle Yoochun,” Yoohwan whispers, and hands the baby to Yoochun.
He cradles her in his arms and sits down in the chair in the corner with her. “She’s perfect,” he murmurs, and he kisses her head. He looks at her small, completely vulnerable body. She doesn’t cry in his arms, and Yoochun thinks it’s a miracle that she already trusts him. He must really look like her father. Hoeun makes small, sweet noises of contentment and Yoochun cries.
“I promise to be the best uncle I can be. I also promise to piss your father off by spoiling you rotten,” he laughs through his tears and Yoohwan joins him in the laughter.
“Meet your grandmother, Hoeun,” he says, voice thick with the tears as he hands her off to his mother. Then he excuses himself so that he can collect his emotions.
He steps outside the hospital just to get a breath of air. The sun is high in the sky and the few trees on the sidewalks are blooming with flowers pink and purple. The sky is blue and the grass has never looked greener. Yoochun closes his eyes and remembers his niece wiggling in her blanket in his arms. She was a miracle; no, she was magical.
That weekend, Yoohwan and his wife take their child home for the first time. Yoochun wants to let the family bond, so he takes the opportunity to face his worst fears and travels back to his home in the countryside.
He sets his bags inside the house. Dust and dirt had collected in the years he’d been gone. Before he does anything else, he cleans up his father’s shrine in the corner of the living room. He lights incense and places a bouquet of flowers he’d bought before he left Seoul in front of his father’s picture.
“Yoohwan had a baby girl. She looks like you.” It’s awkward, talking like this. But it feels right. “Her name is Park Hoeun and she’s…she’s just amazing, dad. You would love her.” Yoochun tugs at his collar. He scratches his head.
“She’s going to grow up fine, so don’t worry, wherever you are. I’ll take good care of her. I love her so much, dad. She’s beautiful…And…and…dad? I know you cared for us, in your own way. Thanks for the things you did. I’m ready to move on now. I’ll see you in the next lifetime. Maybe then, we’ll have a better relationship.”
He gets up and dusts off his pants. He blows out the candles and incense and takes a deep breath and heads for the forest.
He brushes his hands, now roughened with age, over the aged bark of the trees. He smells the scents of the forest, fresh and ancient all together. He becomes excited when he hears the chatter of the forest creatures. His heart beats fast and wild in his chest and he wants to sprint toward the lake but he steadies himself and walks slowly, re-familiarizing himself with the forest and its sights and sounds. The evening colors of the sky are visible above the complex canopy of green leaves and flowers of every hue hanging off the trees branches. They produce an intoxicating fragrance, and Yoochun is so nervous and excited that he can’t stand it. He walks towards the lake.
“You found me again, Yoochun,” Jaejoong says, facing the lake as always, his back to Yoochun. His fairy’s voice rings out clear and beautiful and it takes everything Yoochun has to not launch himself running toward Jaejoong.
“I found you,” he says, and when Jaejoong turns around, his eyes are glistening with tears of joy. He starts walking toward Yoochun but then breaks into a run and tackles Yoochun onto the ground.
“I never left, I was always here, waiting for you.”
Yoochun wipes away Jaejoongs tears with his thumbs and then pulls him into his chest. “I know, I know you were. I’m so sorry I made you wait so long.”
Yoochun rolls them around like he did when they were children and pins Jaejoong beneath him. “I love you. I still love you so much after all this time. Can you forgive me?”
Jaejoong grins playfully and rolls them around once more, pinning Yoochun down into a bed of daffodils. He leans down and kisses him; a long, deep kiss that leaves Yoochun completely breathless.
“I forgive you. I love you, too”
And they spend the weekend under the flowering trees, frolicking through the woods during the day and making love under the stars at night. Yoochun tastes every inch of Jaejoong’s sweet, sweet skin and has Jaejoong moaning his name when he presses into him and worships every inch of his heavenly flesh with his mouth and teeth. Love you, I love you, Jaejoong, my beautiful fairy, thank you for not giving up on me, I love you.
Yoochun leaves the next morning but he promises to come back soon. And Jaejoong has no doubt that he will.
Yoochun watches his niece grow into a beautiful young child. He adores her, plays with her, buys her nice things and teaches her math and reading so that she’ll be the smartest kid in school. She loves him back and she falls asleep in his arms after long reading lessons. Yoochun adores her.
He visits Jaejoong almost every month. They kiss and share stories and spend nights curled around each other. Life is beautiful once more.
When Yoochun is 43, he retires early, having made a not-so-small fortune from his success in Seoul. He gives a portion to Yoohwan and his wife and daughter, and a portion to his mother. Then he moves back out into the countryside, back to the house he was raised in. He promises to visit Seoul twice a month, and he keeps his promise.
He spends some of his days volunteering as the economics teacher at the local high school, and other days volunteering at the animal shelter. He cleans up the streets when he’s bored, and he babysits some of the small children around town.
And every night, without fail, he returns to his beautiful, magical fairy named Jaejoong.
“Uncle Yoochun, is magic real?” Hoeun asks from her place in Yoochun’s lap as they read another storybook.
Yoochun hugs her against his chest. “Yes, Hoeun. It’s very, very real. As long as you believe in magic, you’ll always find it.”
a/n: thank you thank you thank you to my lovely katie who beta'd this for me in the middle of the night. you're a life saver. roald dahl was my favorite childhood author, can you tell?? lolol. (that blatant minpins ref tho). some of the things in this are pretty heavy, but happy, fluffy ending yay! also, yoochun w/ kids alskdfjal;s esp lil girls he keeps saying he wants a daughter and that (2011 i think?) black day interview where the lil girl is in his lap and he just plays w/ her lil hands andaldfal;sk i died;; idk what else to say ugh, my brain is so dead from this. i really, really hope you like it because i put a lot into it. please leave comments if you enjoyed~!
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