(no subject)
For days after talking to Alain, Cuthbert thinks it over.
When you're certain of it, Alain had advised. So Cuthbert spends five days thinking about it, looking at it from every angle he can.
In that time, he and Susan spend another day watching Derry--another day that reminds him of what they can't ever have, no matter how much they love each other. In that time, he learns that Susan is Desire's, and mulls over just what that means.
By the sixth day after his conversation with Alain, he's as certain that he wants to do this as he's ever been of anything. And there's only one thought that holds him back: Roland. And no matter what other factors there are to consider, he knows it will be Roland's reaction to the idea that provides the final word on whether or not he'll do it.
Sound him out subtly, maybe. See if you can ask without asking. Good advice, but Cuthbert doesn't know if he can follow it, for the sole reason that he doesn't know if he can bring this up to Roland at all subtly. He's never been good at bluffing when it comes to matters of the heart. He could project an aura of laughing confidence in a life-or-death situation at the age of fourteen, but he can't imagine talking to Roland about this without his hands and his voice shaking.
Speaking with him dan-dinh, then? In a way, that somehow seems too final, too ultimate. But hasn't Cuthbert already admitted to himself that Roland's reaction is going to determine what he does? Why not make it official?
He's worried. Nervous. Hell, why dance around it--he's fucking terrified. But he's also reached the conclusion that if he's going to do this, he's going to do it right.
When you're certain of it, Alain had advised. So Cuthbert spends five days thinking about it, looking at it from every angle he can.
In that time, he and Susan spend another day watching Derry--another day that reminds him of what they can't ever have, no matter how much they love each other. In that time, he learns that Susan is Desire's, and mulls over just what that means.
By the sixth day after his conversation with Alain, he's as certain that he wants to do this as he's ever been of anything. And there's only one thought that holds him back: Roland. And no matter what other factors there are to consider, he knows it will be Roland's reaction to the idea that provides the final word on whether or not he'll do it.
Sound him out subtly, maybe. See if you can ask without asking. Good advice, but Cuthbert doesn't know if he can follow it, for the sole reason that he doesn't know if he can bring this up to Roland at all subtly. He's never been good at bluffing when it comes to matters of the heart. He could project an aura of laughing confidence in a life-or-death situation at the age of fourteen, but he can't imagine talking to Roland about this without his hands and his voice shaking.
Speaking with him dan-dinh, then? In a way, that somehow seems too final, too ultimate. But hasn't Cuthbert already admitted to himself that Roland's reaction is going to determine what he does? Why not make it official?
He's worried. Nervous. Hell, why dance around it--he's fucking terrified. But he's also reached the conclusion that if he's going to do this, he's going to do it right.