The free lunch blues, part 2

[key_lime_guy]

This is an exhaustive list of what is acceptable for inclusion in tuna salad:

• Tuna
• Mayonnaise
• Salt, pepper, and maybe other flavorings in granular form (this is key)
• Possibly chopped celery, if you're the type that insists on having some "texture" (I'm not in this camp, personally)

This is a list of what (in addition to the above) I found in a sandwich labeled "tuna salad" by whichever disingenuous entity catered today's lunchtime conference:

• Big chunks of red onions
• Scallions
• Capers (I think....they could potentially have been peas)
• Pecans
• Apples

Seriously, now, people.....part of coexisting in a society is adherence to certain standards of decency. Slapping that mess on a potato roll and calling it a "tuna salad sandwich" is an act of utmost savagery, barely above the level of pelting passersby with excrement or attending Dane Cook shows. You want to make a sandwich like that, go right ahead, but make sure that the card in front of the tray properly reads "tuna shitstorm."

Crimminy.