(no subject)
i knew i shouldnt have drank tonight. tonight sucked. i am falling to pieces and the only thing keeping me in grand rapids is claire to tell you the truth. everyone on the team said i've been playing real well, maybe be the 6th man. i didnt get in in the game tonight. fuck that. i was all-state, there's not way i should be sitting at a school where nobody can pronounce. and basketball makes all my problems go away, but lately, it just causes more. on top of that, i saw my dad at my game tonight. he weighs about as much as i do, which shouldn't be the case. and it breaks my heart more than anything to see him so sick like that, plus knowing he has to take his treatment for 7 more months. he told my mom she was the only thing keeping him alive. and that kills me to know he wants to give up so bad, but he's so strong, i would have gave up a long time ago with the chemo. steffen sucks. my roomates besides claire suck, my coach sucks. my procrastonation sucks. everything sucks. god give me the strength to hang in there