Feb 23, 2005 21:29
A GIRL WHO KNOWS HER STUFF:
"I protect my heart, i can't bare to see others hurt because of realtionships. This is the reason i haven't really tried anyone. i know from the start that there is something that would hold me back to keep me from loving him back the way he might love me. i always promised myself that i would never kiss a boy unless we were dating. this day and age though the small commitment of dating was little to reassure me that he would stick around for a while to be able to kiss me more. the more i though about being hurt the more reluctant i was to be with a guy, least he kiss me then break my heart. i did start dating though finally and slowly. i knew the guys pretty well and they all were my friends first. it would begin as a more intimate friendship, then they would all seem to push the kissing thing. not that i didnt want to kiss them, dont get me wrong. i just saw the hurt on the faces of girls who fell head over heels for these guys that dumped them after a few short months, sometimes sooner. i didnt want this so i prolonged my first kiss knowing that any guy i kissed i would be sure to love and i didnt want that love to be taken away from me. when the guys first dated me they saw that special fire burning in me and of course wanted to get closer. i let them, i got closer too. then they would lean in to kiss me. i stopped them before they did and repeated the same warning to each: if you kiss me, i will want to kiss you forever and if you lean in and kiss me now you are promising that you will try your hardest to see that this happens. kiss me now and i will fall in love. kiss me now and i'll kiss you back, but only do it if you mean it.
i would wait and their decision would slowly sink in as they moved thier face away from mine and sat back to think about what i said. then a few weeks or months later we would break up for one reason or another. in and out of relationships without ever being kissed. is that even possible?? well it happened and i was running out of guys that i might be able to be serious with. then i met him.....
everything changed.
he was the best friend that i could trust. we had a lot in common. he was the dream guy. finally he asked me out a few weeks before valentine's day. we had a few dates and really got to know each other deeper in this new realtionship. valentines finally came around and he wanted to take me somewhere special an in our date the oppurtunity arose for him to kiss me. it was perfect so romantic and i wanted him to kiss me so bad. but as i had promised myself i gave him the disclaimer:if you kiss me, i will want to kiss you forever and if you lean in and kiss me now you are promising that you will try your hardest to see that this happens. kiss me now and i will fall in love. kiss me now and i'll kiss you back, but only do it if you mean it.
he smiled at me and said:
Katie, forever is a long time, but i promise you i will treat you like the angel you are.
he leaned in and kissed me- on the cheek.
thats all we did for so long, a simple, innocent, sweet kiss on the cheek to each other. although i never kissed him on the lips, i couldnt kid myself- i loved this guy.
on one of our dates, alomst a year after we began dating we were in a quiet place where it was very romantic. he had said so many sweet things at dinner and something inside of me wanted to kiss him so bad. i let me guard down and i leaned in. he smiled and mockingly he repeated:if you kiss me, i will want to kiss you forever and if you lean in and kiss me now you are promising that you will try your hardest to see that this happens. kiss me now and i will fall in love. kiss me now and i'll kiss you back, but only do it if you mean it.
i looked him in the eyes saw he meant it.
i decided forever was long, but it seemed short while i was with him.
so i kissed him, slowly, sweetly, and for the first time on the lips. it was then that i knew he respected me that he really meant it when he said later that he loved me.
and i remember that first kiss to this day. years after we have been married. i guess you can say we lived happily ever after"
THE END