A Beautiful Lie
Title: A Beautiful Lie
Pairing: Eli/Kevin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Eli and Kevin are in a relationship but they have to hide it from everyone. In a relationship full of lies and pretences... is just one truth enough?
A Beautiful Lie
Our lips meet in a hot, searing kiss. It burns our souls and mind, and we feel like flying. Your hand moves desperately all over my body. Touching. Feeling. My hand is buried in your messy hair, pulling, just as desperate. Perhaps more. Our moans and whimpers fill the empty room. It echoes back to me and I realise how much I missed this. How much I needed this.
You push me against the dressing table, lifted my thighs and placed me on the table. Our groins rubbed and I moaned loudly at the delicious friction. You slipped your tongue in my mouth. You dominated me completely, as usual. I taste peppermint and that exquisite taste that I can’t define. Your velvet tongue caresses mine, exploring my crevice. We broke for air, our lips swollen and wet. You licked and kissed my throat, biting and sucking, leaving your marks for the world to see. I’ve warned you time and again not to do it, but in the heat of the moment we forget everything. All I know is your touch, your musky scent, your hot kisses... And the desire I see in your eyes. Like I’m the most precious thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on. And the sweet nothings you whisper in my ear as you nibble it gently. And the burning feeling that grows slowly from the pit of my stomach, until the heat overwhelms me.
But as we part we’re thrown back to harsh reality. Our heart sinks as we move away from each other. I don’t meet your eyes, because I know I couldn’t bear to see the pain. The painful longing. We resume our daily activities, as if nothing happened. We pretend that we’re just like the rest of them, all the while, stealing furtive glances at each other and the occasional lingering touches. How long can we go on pretending? How long must I wait this time? I feel your burning gaze sometimes. And our eyes would meet across the room. I would feel my face heat up and I just know it’s a dead giveaway. So I always look away. Because I’m a coward.
I was thinking about us, enjoying the cool breeze at the balcony. Then your familiar hands envelop me from behind. I leaned back into you, and you place your head on my shoulder. We could be anywhere, but in your arms, I feel like I’m home.
We stayed like that in silence, enjoying each others’ warmth. Then I decided to speak what I’ve been having on my mind.
“Eli... What will become of us?” I could feel you tense up. You sigh, and the air you breathe out tickles my ears.
“We’ll be alright,” you say finally.
But we both know it’s a lie. We both know someday we’ll be forced apart. Because a love like ours would never have a happy ending.
“Yeah... We’ll be just fine,” I say as I turn to face you.
We’re not just lying to the others. We lie to each other too. But most of all, we lie to ourselves. We kissed as if we’re never going to kiss again. And for a love like ours, it’s not a matter of if, it’s simply a matter of when.
“Kevin... I love you,” you say suddenly as we rest our foreheads against each other.
“I know,” I struggled to say. As tears fall I whisper, “I love you too.” You hug me tightly and I muffled my sobs in your chest.
I wonder... In a relationship full of lies and pretences... is just one truth enough?
10 years later
I was walking along San Pablo Avenue when I saw you outside a cafe. You haven’t really changed much. Still as buff as ever, with your jet black hair in a neat cut. I recognised your wife from the photos Alexander showed me. I didn’t go to your wedding. I tried, but I just couldn’t. I debated on whether to greet you or just leave, but then, as if by some unseen forces, you suddenly turned and our eyes meet. You look surprised at first, but I ignored it and smiled as warmly as I could. You smiled too. I could tell how hard you forced it. I take back my words. Outwardly, you haven’t changed much but your eyes... They were hardened and devoid of the open warmth I had loved all those years ago.
“Kevin, hey... How are you? It’s been... what? Four, five years?”
Five.
“Yeah, it’s been so long I can’t remember! I’m fine, thanks. Hey, is this your wife?” I say politely.
“Oh yeah, how rude of me. Sarah, this is Kevin. He’s my... He was in the same band as me before,” you say slightly awkwardly.
“Oh, nice to meet you! This is the first time we’ve met, isn’t it? I don’t think I saw you at the wedding,” your wife says brightly. She’s beautiful. Tall, lean with strawberry blonde hair.
“Yeah, I couldn’t attend that time, sorry. So, what are you doing in San Fran? You guys live here now?” I quickly changed the subject.
“Yes, actually. We just moved in the neighbourhood here. How about you?” she says when she realised you weren’t answering.
“Not really around here but not too far either. I’m on my way to my fiancé’s school art exhibition actually. She’s teaching in Oakland,” I say to her, and I’m looking at anywhere but you.
“Oh, I see,” she says, and I could tell she was feeling awkward with your sudden silence.
“Mommy! Daddy!” a little boy calls after both of you and an old woman was holding his hands. The boy had strawberry blonde hair, but his eyes were exactly like yours. Except his was bright and full of joy, like yours used to be.
“Oh, wow! Your kid? How old is he?” I ask, and for the first time I felt genuine happiness. The old woman, who I later learned is Sarah’s mother, lets him go and he runs to you, smiling shyly at me.
“He’s four,” you say, and for the first time in ages, I see your true smile, and the familiar warmth filled your eyes. I knelt in front of your child.
“Hey there... What’s your name little one?” I offered my hand and he shook it shyly.
“David,” he says.
“Hi, David. I’m Kevin, your daddy’s old friend. You look just like your father!” I gushed, ruffling his hair. He giggled.
“I got other name too! Like daddy!”
“Oh you mean like a Korean name? Me too! What is it?”
“Sung Hyun,” he says proudly.
I felt like time stood still and my heart stopped beating. The dull ache that I hadn’t noticed before now turns into a searing, white hot pain that threatened to consume me. I could feel your burning gaze on me. I stood back up quickly, feeling slightly dizzy.
“You?” he asks innocently.
I was tongue tied. I didn’t realise the long moment of silence that followed until you break it.
“Hey, you’ve got that art exhibition, right? You should get going,” you say.
“Err yeah. I’m pretty late already actually. Nice meeting you, Sarah. I hope we can meet again. And David-“ I tried to say something, but I couldn’t. My breath hitched and I felt like something was stuck in my throat. To my horror and utter embarrassment, I could feel tears welling up. I hope they didn’t notice. “Bye.”
“But you haven’t told me your name!” David cries.
“It’s uhh... Woo. I’m Kevin Woo.” I smile and pinched his cheeks. “Be a good boy now. Bye, Eli,” I managed to say with a horribly forced cheerful smile while still avoiding your eyes. After all these years, I’m still good at pretending.
I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t help it either. Right before I turned to leave, I glanced at you.
Regret. I thought I saw regret in your eyes. I wonder what you saw in mine?
Later, that night.
“Honey, what’s wrong? You seem pretty upset all day,” my fiancé asks after a long one-sided conversation.
“No, nothing. Caught the flu probably.”
“Something happened today?”
“Nothing really. Oh, I met with one of my ex-bandmates.”
“Really!? Wow, who was it?”
“Eli.”
“Eli? Hm... I don’t think you ever told me about him. I remember Alexander... And Kibum. Someone new... AJ. Oh, and the sweet Dongho!”
“Yeah, well... He’s... nothing special so I didn’t really tell you about him.”
“Show me which one!”
I went to get one of our photos I kept and showed it to her. She asked about the photo for a while and I did my best to answer despite feeling like crumpling the photo. I hated how naively hopeful and ridiculously happy we looked in the photo. She even joked about how one of Eli’s hands was wrapped around my waist and we had matching smiles, all tooth and crescent eyes. We lapsed into silence after my answering laugh felt too fake, even to myself. Truthfully, what I hated most was how, after all this time, I still felt the same.
“Honey, why are you crying?”
“I am? Oh, it’s just the flu,” I lied easily, faking a cough. After all these years, lying still came naturally.
Eli’s home
“Daddy, does Sung Hyun mean bad?” David asks as Eli tucks him into bed. Eli was caught by surprise but he quickly calmed himself.
“Of course not. Why? What made you think that?”
“Your friend... He look sad...” David says with a troubled expression. Eli sighs as he caressed his son’s hair.
“Sung Hyun... is the name of an angel that helped daddy a long time ago.”
“What help?”
“Oh, Sung Hyun taught me many things.”
“Like?”
“He's the reason why daddy's so good at animal imitations!" Eli did his pigeon face and David laughs.
"And?"
"He taught me to love.” David was silent after that so Eli didn’t continue. Somehow he felt like an old wound had been torn open.
“Daddy, why you crying?”
Eli was startled out of his reverie and he finally realised that his cheeks were wet.
“Sorry, daddy has the flu,” Eli said, sniffling a little for effect.
“Do you love angel daddy?”
Eli thought about lying. It would be the easy way out, as usual. No questions asked. But as he looked at his son’s earnest, innocent face, he couldn’t bring himself to lie.
“Yes," Eli relents, and it felt like a heavy burden was lifted from him. Feeling lighter and happier, he continued, "That's why daddy named you Sung Hyun! You're daddy's angel now,” Eli grinned, ruffling David’s hair as he giggled.
After all these years, after all the lies... one simple truth never changed.
Pairing: Eli/Kevin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Eli and Kevin are in a relationship but they have to hide it from everyone. In a relationship full of lies and pretences... is just one truth enough?
A Beautiful Lie
Our lips meet in a hot, searing kiss. It burns our souls and mind, and we feel like flying. Your hand moves desperately all over my body. Touching. Feeling. My hand is buried in your messy hair, pulling, just as desperate. Perhaps more. Our moans and whimpers fill the empty room. It echoes back to me and I realise how much I missed this. How much I needed this.
You push me against the dressing table, lifted my thighs and placed me on the table. Our groins rubbed and I moaned loudly at the delicious friction. You slipped your tongue in my mouth. You dominated me completely, as usual. I taste peppermint and that exquisite taste that I can’t define. Your velvet tongue caresses mine, exploring my crevice. We broke for air, our lips swollen and wet. You licked and kissed my throat, biting and sucking, leaving your marks for the world to see. I’ve warned you time and again not to do it, but in the heat of the moment we forget everything. All I know is your touch, your musky scent, your hot kisses... And the desire I see in your eyes. Like I’m the most precious thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on. And the sweet nothings you whisper in my ear as you nibble it gently. And the burning feeling that grows slowly from the pit of my stomach, until the heat overwhelms me.
But as we part we’re thrown back to harsh reality. Our heart sinks as we move away from each other. I don’t meet your eyes, because I know I couldn’t bear to see the pain. The painful longing. We resume our daily activities, as if nothing happened. We pretend that we’re just like the rest of them, all the while, stealing furtive glances at each other and the occasional lingering touches. How long can we go on pretending? How long must I wait this time? I feel your burning gaze sometimes. And our eyes would meet across the room. I would feel my face heat up and I just know it’s a dead giveaway. So I always look away. Because I’m a coward.
I was thinking about us, enjoying the cool breeze at the balcony. Then your familiar hands envelop me from behind. I leaned back into you, and you place your head on my shoulder. We could be anywhere, but in your arms, I feel like I’m home.
We stayed like that in silence, enjoying each others’ warmth. Then I decided to speak what I’ve been having on my mind.
“Eli... What will become of us?” I could feel you tense up. You sigh, and the air you breathe out tickles my ears.
“We’ll be alright,” you say finally.
But we both know it’s a lie. We both know someday we’ll be forced apart. Because a love like ours would never have a happy ending.
“Yeah... We’ll be just fine,” I say as I turn to face you.
We’re not just lying to the others. We lie to each other too. But most of all, we lie to ourselves. We kissed as if we’re never going to kiss again. And for a love like ours, it’s not a matter of if, it’s simply a matter of when.
“Kevin... I love you,” you say suddenly as we rest our foreheads against each other.
“I know,” I struggled to say. As tears fall I whisper, “I love you too.” You hug me tightly and I muffled my sobs in your chest.
I wonder... In a relationship full of lies and pretences... is just one truth enough?
10 years later
I was walking along San Pablo Avenue when I saw you outside a cafe. You haven’t really changed much. Still as buff as ever, with your jet black hair in a neat cut. I recognised your wife from the photos Alexander showed me. I didn’t go to your wedding. I tried, but I just couldn’t. I debated on whether to greet you or just leave, but then, as if by some unseen forces, you suddenly turned and our eyes meet. You look surprised at first, but I ignored it and smiled as warmly as I could. You smiled too. I could tell how hard you forced it. I take back my words. Outwardly, you haven’t changed much but your eyes... They were hardened and devoid of the open warmth I had loved all those years ago.
“Kevin, hey... How are you? It’s been... what? Four, five years?”
Five.
“Yeah, it’s been so long I can’t remember! I’m fine, thanks. Hey, is this your wife?” I say politely.
“Oh yeah, how rude of me. Sarah, this is Kevin. He’s my... He was in the same band as me before,” you say slightly awkwardly.
“Oh, nice to meet you! This is the first time we’ve met, isn’t it? I don’t think I saw you at the wedding,” your wife says brightly. She’s beautiful. Tall, lean with strawberry blonde hair.
“Yeah, I couldn’t attend that time, sorry. So, what are you doing in San Fran? You guys live here now?” I quickly changed the subject.
“Yes, actually. We just moved in the neighbourhood here. How about you?” she says when she realised you weren’t answering.
“Not really around here but not too far either. I’m on my way to my fiancé’s school art exhibition actually. She’s teaching in Oakland,” I say to her, and I’m looking at anywhere but you.
“Oh, I see,” she says, and I could tell she was feeling awkward with your sudden silence.
“Mommy! Daddy!” a little boy calls after both of you and an old woman was holding his hands. The boy had strawberry blonde hair, but his eyes were exactly like yours. Except his was bright and full of joy, like yours used to be.
“Oh, wow! Your kid? How old is he?” I ask, and for the first time I felt genuine happiness. The old woman, who I later learned is Sarah’s mother, lets him go and he runs to you, smiling shyly at me.
“He’s four,” you say, and for the first time in ages, I see your true smile, and the familiar warmth filled your eyes. I knelt in front of your child.
“Hey there... What’s your name little one?” I offered my hand and he shook it shyly.
“David,” he says.
“Hi, David. I’m Kevin, your daddy’s old friend. You look just like your father!” I gushed, ruffling his hair. He giggled.
“I got other name too! Like daddy!”
“Oh you mean like a Korean name? Me too! What is it?”
“Sung Hyun,” he says proudly.
I felt like time stood still and my heart stopped beating. The dull ache that I hadn’t noticed before now turns into a searing, white hot pain that threatened to consume me. I could feel your burning gaze on me. I stood back up quickly, feeling slightly dizzy.
“You?” he asks innocently.
I was tongue tied. I didn’t realise the long moment of silence that followed until you break it.
“Hey, you’ve got that art exhibition, right? You should get going,” you say.
“Err yeah. I’m pretty late already actually. Nice meeting you, Sarah. I hope we can meet again. And David-“ I tried to say something, but I couldn’t. My breath hitched and I felt like something was stuck in my throat. To my horror and utter embarrassment, I could feel tears welling up. I hope they didn’t notice. “Bye.”
“But you haven’t told me your name!” David cries.
“It’s uhh... Woo. I’m Kevin Woo.” I smile and pinched his cheeks. “Be a good boy now. Bye, Eli,” I managed to say with a horribly forced cheerful smile while still avoiding your eyes. After all these years, I’m still good at pretending.
I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t help it either. Right before I turned to leave, I glanced at you.
Regret. I thought I saw regret in your eyes. I wonder what you saw in mine?
Later, that night.
“Honey, what’s wrong? You seem pretty upset all day,” my fiancé asks after a long one-sided conversation.
“No, nothing. Caught the flu probably.”
“Something happened today?”
“Nothing really. Oh, I met with one of my ex-bandmates.”
“Really!? Wow, who was it?”
“Eli.”
“Eli? Hm... I don’t think you ever told me about him. I remember Alexander... And Kibum. Someone new... AJ. Oh, and the sweet Dongho!”
“Yeah, well... He’s... nothing special so I didn’t really tell you about him.”
“Show me which one!”
I went to get one of our photos I kept and showed it to her. She asked about the photo for a while and I did my best to answer despite feeling like crumpling the photo. I hated how naively hopeful and ridiculously happy we looked in the photo. She even joked about how one of Eli’s hands was wrapped around my waist and we had matching smiles, all tooth and crescent eyes. We lapsed into silence after my answering laugh felt too fake, even to myself. Truthfully, what I hated most was how, after all this time, I still felt the same.
“Honey, why are you crying?”
“I am? Oh, it’s just the flu,” I lied easily, faking a cough. After all these years, lying still came naturally.
Eli’s home
“Daddy, does Sung Hyun mean bad?” David asks as Eli tucks him into bed. Eli was caught by surprise but he quickly calmed himself.
“Of course not. Why? What made you think that?”
“Your friend... He look sad...” David says with a troubled expression. Eli sighs as he caressed his son’s hair.
“Sung Hyun... is the name of an angel that helped daddy a long time ago.”
“What help?”
“Oh, Sung Hyun taught me many things.”
“Like?”
“He's the reason why daddy's so good at animal imitations!" Eli did his pigeon face and David laughs.
"And?"
"He taught me to love.” David was silent after that so Eli didn’t continue. Somehow he felt like an old wound had been torn open.
“Daddy, why you crying?”
Eli was startled out of his reverie and he finally realised that his cheeks were wet.
“Sorry, daddy has the flu,” Eli said, sniffling a little for effect.
“Do you love angel daddy?”
Eli thought about lying. It would be the easy way out, as usual. No questions asked. But as he looked at his son’s earnest, innocent face, he couldn’t bring himself to lie.
“Yes," Eli relents, and it felt like a heavy burden was lifted from him. Feeling lighter and happier, he continued, "That's why daddy named you Sung Hyun! You're daddy's angel now,” Eli grinned, ruffling David’s hair as he giggled.
After all these years, after all the lies... one simple truth never changed.