Girl suggested I try to think of 10 things I'm grateful for today...
and do that every day to help keep a positive mindset. As I can't sleep, I'm going to try it.
1) That the Girl and I are still friends.
2) Coffee
3) I'm losing weight.
4) That DB showed up randomly the other night.
5) That the electric in the 5th wheel works perfectly.
6) That I still had some pulled pork to enjoy at 6am.
7) That I have friends that will let me use their showers until I finish fixing the water in the trailer.
8) That I had enough money to go get coffee with the Girl and I still have enough for another pack of smokes tonight.
9) That I have people that are willing to try to help me now that I've realized that I can't fix myself by myself.
10) The headache I had earlier finally went away.
Damn, that was hard. The first four were pretty easy to come up with, after that though they all took a lot of thinking before something positive came out.
I'm sadder than before I started. I don't think that's what's supposed to happen. I feel like crying now. Two months ago I had so much to be grateful for. Now this is all I have left. My life is a complete waste. If I believed in anything beyond the physical world I'd kill myself now. I've driven away, destroyed, let go of, or just plain fucked up every good thing or opportunity I've ever had. I have to fix this. I don't want to have no reason to live. Two people love me. Two people care if I'm not here any more. Two people will be sad if I die. I don't want to make them sad. I don't want them to miss me. That's a reason to keep living. That's a reason to try to get better. If I go away without trying, I'll hurt them both again. I don't want to hurt them anymore, I've hurt them enough times already. I'm sorry. I don't want to be like this.
1) That the Girl and I are still friends.
2) Coffee
3) I'm losing weight.
4) That DB showed up randomly the other night.
5) That the electric in the 5th wheel works perfectly.
6) That I still had some pulled pork to enjoy at 6am.
7) That I have friends that will let me use their showers until I finish fixing the water in the trailer.
8) That I had enough money to go get coffee with the Girl and I still have enough for another pack of smokes tonight.
9) That I have people that are willing to try to help me now that I've realized that I can't fix myself by myself.
10) The headache I had earlier finally went away.
Damn, that was hard. The first four were pretty easy to come up with, after that though they all took a lot of thinking before something positive came out.
I'm sadder than before I started. I don't think that's what's supposed to happen. I feel like crying now. Two months ago I had so much to be grateful for. Now this is all I have left. My life is a complete waste. If I believed in anything beyond the physical world I'd kill myself now. I've driven away, destroyed, let go of, or just plain fucked up every good thing or opportunity I've ever had. I have to fix this. I don't want to have no reason to live. Two people love me. Two people care if I'm not here any more. Two people will be sad if I die. I don't want to make them sad. I don't want them to miss me. That's a reason to keep living. That's a reason to try to get better. If I go away without trying, I'll hurt them both again. I don't want to hurt them anymore, I've hurt them enough times already. I'm sorry. I don't want to be like this.