Myths About Finding Your Soul Mate
Do we each have one ideal mate? Do opposites really attract? Some adages about the age-old mystery of love are true, but many are just myths with no basis in fact.
Social therapy counselor James Piers, a professor of sociology and social work at Hope College in Holland, Mich., sorted out the fact from the fiction.
How many of these are true and which ones are just myths?
1. There is a marriage made in heaven, with each person having one ideal partner on earth.
FALSE: "This is not supported by research," says Piers.
2. People will marry someone just like Mom or Dad.
TRUE: "Research indicates the parental image theory may be a factor in mate selection," says Piers.
3. Opposites attract.
FALSE: "How often do we look at a couple with dissimilar traits, abilities, and interests and wonder how they ever got together? Though we often hear about this 'complementary needs' theory, there is little empirical support for it," he explains.
4. Likes attract.
TRUE: "People with similar values often appeal to each other," says Piers. "We like to be supported."
5. You never get something for nothing.
TRUE: "This 'social exchange' theory suggests that mate selection is really barter at a subconscious level," says Piers. "I'll share my social status, physical attributes and business acumen with you if you commit your attention to me and share your personality attributes and professional status."
6. You get what you expect.
TRUE: "This suggests that we look for a partner who fits our expectations of how life-roles should be performed," he explains.
7. Modern technology can help you find your "perfect" mate.
MAYBE: "The interesting thing that the computer has allowed to do through dating services is articulate our best traits--if we're being honest. It has allowed you to refine the search a little bit," explains Piers. "We probably learn more about each other from that system than some others. My caution, of course, is that most of us tend to lie."
If you think you've found your soul mate and one true love, Piers urges you to look at your role expectations before marriage. "The theories are useful in discovering how you think you fell in love with the other person," he says. "By defining how you interpret love, you may better understand why you feel as if you're falling out of it."
Social therapy counselor James Piers, a professor of sociology and social work at Hope College in Holland, Mich., sorted out the fact from the fiction.
How many of these are true and which ones are just myths?
1. There is a marriage made in heaven, with each person having one ideal partner on earth.
FALSE: "This is not supported by research," says Piers.
2. People will marry someone just like Mom or Dad.
TRUE: "Research indicates the parental image theory may be a factor in mate selection," says Piers.
3. Opposites attract.
FALSE: "How often do we look at a couple with dissimilar traits, abilities, and interests and wonder how they ever got together? Though we often hear about this 'complementary needs' theory, there is little empirical support for it," he explains.
4. Likes attract.
TRUE: "People with similar values often appeal to each other," says Piers. "We like to be supported."
5. You never get something for nothing.
TRUE: "This 'social exchange' theory suggests that mate selection is really barter at a subconscious level," says Piers. "I'll share my social status, physical attributes and business acumen with you if you commit your attention to me and share your personality attributes and professional status."
6. You get what you expect.
TRUE: "This suggests that we look for a partner who fits our expectations of how life-roles should be performed," he explains.
7. Modern technology can help you find your "perfect" mate.
MAYBE: "The interesting thing that the computer has allowed to do through dating services is articulate our best traits--if we're being honest. It has allowed you to refine the search a little bit," explains Piers. "We probably learn more about each other from that system than some others. My caution, of course, is that most of us tend to lie."
If you think you've found your soul mate and one true love, Piers urges you to look at your role expectations before marriage. "The theories are useful in discovering how you think you fell in love with the other person," he says. "By defining how you interpret love, you may better understand why you feel as if you're falling out of it."